My son is being bullied in school. How do I help him deal with this...?

Question

without instigating more fallout with his peers. It is all verbal and he is very sensitive. He just started middle school and is dealing with abandonment issues from his natural mother. I want to help him develop a thick skin without alienating his feelings. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Suggestions above re: Karate (or a derivative) are very good. Seriously take this into consideration. Works miracles for self confidence and develops a gentleman's thick skin. Do not try to develop the traditional thick skin of being surly, threatening or unfeeling. Bad way to go.
Using a sense of humor is the correct response: Bad hair day: "Hey, nice call, Brad. The cat tried to eat my head and this is what is left of my hair. You got a skull cap I can borrow?" One of those and the tide turns. He and the bully become friends and then the two of them bully some other poor kid.
Kids who suffer the parents inability to handle a divorce with class and learn how to co-parent are often "sensitive." One on one therapeutic counseling with a good therapist (get referrals) for 5 - 8 sessions is indicated. He is dealing with abandonment issues from both parents because he knows it takes two to tango. If there is a stepmother or, god forbid, another woman living in the home as g.f., then his anger turned inward is intense and you have a serious problem. Male therapist. Good luck.

Answer 2

This is not an easy question to answer... I am having the same problem with my son and two boys at football practice. I have been wrestling this problem for a few weeks now. I can't say anything--that will just baby him more in their eyes. I can't tell the coach, again that just belittles him more. I can't stand to watch him get bullied either. I hate to say it , but some days I wish he'd knock them on their butts... and get alittle tougher. (not talking about tackling--which is part of the sport)... they tease him and make fun of him while he is there... especially, since he is new and just learning how to play football. The sad part is he wants to QUIT. Which I can't really allow, cuz he goes to school with the same kids. They'll just continue to bully him there. At least, I see what's going on at practice and can be there to be sure it's not getting out of hand. > But these two kids bother others and have even commented to me a few times. My son would never be allowed to speak to an adult like that. Their mom doesn't stay and therefore, I think she's unaware. What can we do??? How do we know??? What's the right or wrong thing? I am glad you asked this question. I'd be interested in reading some of the answers.
My best answer is : I have no clue!! lol!!
IS there a right or wrong thing.. is there something that can be done?!!!
Bullying isn't illegal. It should be! If there was a fine or something, bet it'd stop quick. Parents are not gonna want to pay that all the time!!! Hey, some communities charge if your grass isn't cut and it get's over 6 inches high --$300.00!!! Fine! So, children are more important then lawn maintenance, right!?
Perhaps there should be a $300.00 fine for being a bully!!! Yes, I believe that's my answer!!! lol As, a parent tho, on our own, I 'm clueless!!! Open for suggestions!!!
Take care hope all works out for you and your son

Answer 3

I took Taekwando classes in the ATA.
They teach you valuable things through discipline.
Try having a secret meeting with the school counselor or his school home room teacher and figuring out what action must be taken to reduce or even stop the bullying immediately.


When I moved to a new middle school, I was bullied all the time, because of my acne, and my odd American accent. I moved to Israel by the way. Well, the only thing I did, was study, and ignore the bullies. Sometimes your child will have to hit them back, severely hurting them , and pretending it was by mistake.
Always tell a teacher or conselour that a bully is bullying you, so she knows. If she doesn't do anything about it, or just tries and fails, I suggest your son takes action into his own hands.
Yes, it might sound absurd and unreasonable, not only because I'm a teenager, and you might not like my advice, but because it is violent.

Have you ever heard of the saying ' NO PAIN NO GAIN', or " EAT OR BE EATEN', wow , I sure got on my high horse didn't I? I would like to conclude my answer by giving you the best advice from the heart. I've been through this too, and my mom tried helping. My counselour tried helping. My friends tried helping. Yet, the only way is scaring and ignoring and tattle-telling at the same time, not to get in trouble!

Tell your son to be brave, tell him to ignore the bullies completely, and if his friends won't help, they are not really his friends. Friends do not fear, they help their friends. The big point is , just tell him to have courage and hope. Bullying is natural, it happens to everyone at some point.



BLESS YOU AND READ THIS !! ♥♥

Answer 4

I recommend a martial art called Wing Tsun. It stimulates the brain as much as the body, and is an incredible self-confidence builder.

It differs from other martial arts in that it is non-competetive, and doesn't have belts, or an expensive uniform to buy. The classes tend to be small (no more than about 15 or 20 people). The introduction class will be free, and last for about 90 minutes, and will give your son a good idea of whether he would like to carry on learning it.

Answer 5

Bullied kids need help from the school system. It can turn dangerous quick. YOu don't say what the bullying is about. Enroll him in self defense, it is not for the fighting part but rather the image he will develop of himself while taking it. My son has been in karate for 10 years and is 16 and a first degree black belt and is a sensai and teaches. It taught him not to fight, taught him patience and how to meditate and how to just know he can defend himself if he has to. He has not had to use it once. His reputation has went before him. Note that what i said in the beginning is true. The school needs to be involved to protect him. you protect him at home, while he is in school it is their job.

Answer 6

Poor kid. From Prep (one of the lowest levels in Australian schools) to year 12 (end of high school)- I was mercilessly bullied.

I started Karate but they switched from physical assaults to verbal.

There is no one answer, short of telling him to either go to his teachers and/or standing up to his abusers.

I AM telling him to get into a fight. Then his teachers will be forced to act.

Failing that move him to a different school.

The education systems (worldwide it would seem) are failing us weaker people. Its time something was done.

You might even try confronting the parents of the kids who are attacking your little one.

I both empathise and sympathise with your son. He sounds a lovely little person from what little you've said of him.

Please don't try to make him develop a "thick skin". There aren't enough of us sensitive guys in the world anymore. Get him counselling and tell him that you love him- and that nothing more than that matters.

The Iceman.

Answer 7

For me, the adjustment to middle school was hell. I hated it. I was bullied by multiple kids just because they knew I wouldn't stand-up for myself. You need to let him know it ISN'T right for others to do this to him and it isn't his fault!
Bullies pick on kids that won't put up a fight. If your son becomes resilient, then they will back down.
Unfortunately, there is always that one in a thousand bully who will backup his talk with physical force. If that happens, you need to teach him some self-defense techniques, such as tuck-n-roll and an arm bar. These will keep him safe in any physical confrentation until an adult (hopefully someone working at the school) breaks it up.
Bullies are a thing of life, but you have to deal with them. I didn't deal with mine and it gets to me still. If I would have just taken a stand they would have left me alone, and I could have gotten on with life.
Now, if a bully does take it to physical volience, YOU need to take action. If it happens at school, go down to the school ASAP and tell them you can not tollerate this behavior from the school and that you pressing charges against both the school and bullies parents. That will make them take action.
Hope you and your son can work through this together.

Answer 8

I have two kids aged 13 and 15. Both have had problems with bullies in the past. After trying various ways of dealing with it (talking to the school, meetings, etc.), I realized that I was not approaching things the right way. I was embarrassing them and calling attention to the bullies was causing retatliation against the boys. I asked them how they felt about it. Why they didn't fight back, and I was surprised by the answers. They weren't afraid of being unable to fight, or losing the fight (better to lose than not fight at all, they think)...they were afraid of getting in trouble, because they were good kids.

So I sat down and wrote a letter to the school. It said that my sons are legally entitled to defend himself if physically attacked at school, and that they had my permission to do so. I said that the only circumstances under which this would happen would be if they had been physically assaulted and there was nobody around to help them, as was usually the case. The boys agreed to ignore anything verbal and to retaliate physically only if there was no reasonable way out.

It didn't take long for one of them to be cornered by three kids with hockey sticks. He managed to get past them and out to the hall, and they were suspended. The other was attacked after school, in the library. There was no supervision at all, and the other boy hit first, so my son roughed him up.

And boy, didn't it hit the fan? Oh my, but the parents of a bully do freak out when their precious little boy comes home with a bloody nose and a fat lip. But he'd hit first, and the school knew that he had a history of that. And my son never had any problems with him after that.

One of the reasons why he never fought back before was because he was afraid of getting in trouble with the school and with me. A bully doesn't care about the rules, the victim does. The one who needs to put up his fists the most is usually the one with the most respect for school conduct policy and the rules at home. The bullies win because they have nothing to lose. The school isn't going to do anything, their parents aren't going to either, it's your son who is afraid of getting in trouble.

So they need permission to fight. They need you to assure them that you will not get mad, you will not freak out, and that if the school suspends them for wiping the floor with some little tyrant, that you will stand behind them and be okay with that too. Then the school needs to know that.

My kids are free to defend themselves if attacked. That's all they need to know, and all anyone else needs to know, for the bullying to stop.

Answer 9

Hi Im 13 and this is my idea to help you. First the people who say that you should encourage your son to exercise, learn karate, etc are on to something. I agree with that. As he starts to improve physically he will get more confident mentally and be able to deal with the bullying better.

There is an Israeli self defense system called Krav Magaa. Im reading a book about it. You can get a book in say Borders and maybe find him a class. It teaches self defense in a user friendly way. It teaches that the first thing you should do is try to retreat or negoitiate or just avoid the confrontation. If that doesnt work there are steps starting at mild self defense such as bending someones finger just a little all the way up to deadly force. In Krav Magaa they remind you that deadly or serious damage to the other person should only be used if say the other person has a gun or a bomb NEVER for the school bully.

I have a beloved boy Jamie who I really and deeply love. Jamie is very kind and gentle and takes all sorts of teasing. He rarely responds physically to bulllying. One problem he has is that he is very emotional and often starts crying when people tease him. Nevertheless Jamie is tall, thin, very good looking (I think some of the other boys are jealous of him so thats why they tease him). He is also extremely strong because he eats right (his mom only allows him to eat healthy foods, exercises every afternoon in the park (he does an obstacle course better than most adults), goes to bed by 8:30 (his mom still sets a bedtime for him), and has only kind words for people. Jamie will use his physical strength to help others or stop someone from attacking him. The boys who tease him know this and refrain from attacking him.

If you could develop physical strenght in your son, make sure that he only uses it appropriately and not to hurt someone unless they have a gun or bomb, combined with some of the other ideas that people expressed by using words to defuse a confrontation (follow the ideas of Krav Magaa) than your son will not be bullied anymore. Plus a girl like me will fall in love with him.

Answer 10

Talk to a Karate instructor. If you enroll him in a self defense course, they will teach him to be self confident, but not a bully and how to avoid such conflicts. Children need physical activities for a variety of reasons, such as coordination, teamwork, as well as mental and physical well being. I'm sure that bully could use the same instructions.

Answer 11

no one answer, short of telling him to either go to his teachers and/or standing up to his abusers.

I AM telling him to get into a fight. Then his teachers will be forced to act.

Failing that move him to a different school.

The education systems (worldwide it would seem) are failing us weaker people. Its time something was done.

You might even try confronting the parents of the kids who are attacking your little one.