My best friend is doing stuff i don't agree with..HELP!!!?

Question

ok so i have known my best friend since i was in pre-school and in the past couple years she has been doing stuff i don't agree with (sex, drugs, etc.). I have told her numerous times that if she doesn't stop this soon i'm not sure i want to be her friend. I am a christian and i have tried to help her and she promises me she'll change...but it never happens. so now i don't feel comfortable hanging around her because everytime i do she always wants to smoke, drink, sneak out, etc. I love her so much and i've never imagined us not being friends, but i just can't take it anymore. should i stay friends and keep trying to help her or just break the friendship off?

Answer 1

First off let me say this.......I know a little about what you are saying because I was in a friendship with someone who did things I dont agree with. In the end I did have to leave the friendship because if i hadnt her actions and behaviors would of only drug me down.

As a friend I know you want to help your best friend and maybe even think you can help change her, but you cant......you cant change a person no matter how hard you try......Only God can do that. You have tried how many times now to help her and she just hasnt changed........she has to want the help first and want to change in order for anything or anyone to help her. Until that happens there is really nothing you can do for your best friend except pray and leave her in God's hands.

Let me ask you this......is your friend dependant on you for every little problem she has or gets herself into? Do you feel stressed out by this alot of the time? Do you just feel like you have no peace anymore because everytime you turn around you are dealing with some problem your friend has?

If you answered these questions with yes......then you might have to do one of the hardest things you've ever done and that is walk away from her and the friendship. It might not seem like the right thing to do and you might feel you are turning your back on her, but believe me you arent....... what you are doing is putting her in the best hands there is.....The hands of God.

In the bible it tells us to watch out who we are friends with because we wont change them but they will change us.....and I know this to be true because in my quest to change my friend I found myself to be the one changed......while she stayed the same I was the one that changed from a happy person into a very upset, depressed person like she was......dont let this happen to you.... for your sake end the friendship now so you arent drug down into the things your friend is.

Yes, the bible says a friend loveth at all times and sometimes to love somone you have to let them go. will it be easy.....noooo its not gonna be easy.......when i made the decision to walk away it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I chose not to contact her in any form and to go on with my life..... it will take time but I assure you that with God's help it does get easier and you will be doing the right thing for yourself and for her.

Tell her you have tried and tried and just cant do it anymore........that she needs more than you can offer help wise. That you will always care about her and that you will pray for her and wish her well........then walk away and as hard as it dont look back.....step ahead into the future God has for you and know that your friend is in God's hands and He will take of her.

God bless you and Good luck with this situation. If you need to talk or anything you can email me.

Answer 2

From my personal experience people who have been friends since a young young age tend to find out that when they get older and get into more of the "real world" that they are different people. Sometimes this means that one person travels a different path than the other individual and leads a completely different lifestyle. This can break a friendship, but if your true friends no matter what you will always talk to each other and stay in touch one way or another, but things will never be the same.

Answer 3

If you are a christian, ask yourself that big question 'What Would Jesus Do?' By you being a christian then you are EXACTLY the person she needs in her life right now...and you don't have to 'preach' to her about her wrong doings every time you are around her. Jesus weren't sent down here for the people who were already saved. He was sent down here for the sinners. He didn't always hang out or healed just christians. Let your friend know that you will love her and be her friend no matter what

Answer 4

first, remember you can't change anyone. i see that she "promises" to change... but does she promise this to you or herself? it doesn't seem like the latter.

sometimes it's hard, but you have to let your friend learn the hard way. you know you've done your best by offering caring advice, it's totally up to her if she wants to listen.

if you don't feel comfortable around her (while she is resuming these actions) you do not need to be surrounded by the negativity. just be honest with her and tell her how you really feel. one day, she will realize you tried and were acting as her best friend in her favor.

something similar happened to my "best friend" and i about 5 years ago. it was a disagreement about my choices. long story short we "ended" our friendship of 8 (at the time) years. now it's been 5 years later and we've gotten back in contact. we both know we aren't the "best friends" that we used to be, but we stay in contact nonetheless. i guess this is a case of knowing who is really your "true" friend.

Answer 5

I was in a similar situation when i was younger. I spoke to my friend and told her i loved her very much and that i will always be there for her if she needs me, but i couldn't stay around watching her hurt herself. it took my friend 2 years to sort her life out, we have stayed friends and are closer now than ever, and during those two years we did still talk, she did speak to me if she had a problem, but we just didn't hang out as much. i don't think there is much to do to get her to stop doing those things, hopefully she gets it out of her system quickly, and is safe. so let her know she will always have you no matter what if she has a problem, because i believe that is the truly Christan thing to do.

Answer 6

No she needs you right now she doesn't need you to dump her as a friend!! Im a christian too and you just have to give her sum time and im sure she'll come around soon!! but just pray for her and im sure God will help he's awesome and will help no matter what trust your instincts that God has givin you!!

Answer 7

if u've told her multiple times, and she still won't change, then u shouldn't be friends with her anymore. it's not right for her to be putting u in such an uncomfortable position. maybe when she realizes that she lost a good friend because of her actions, she will try harder to change in order to get u back as a friend.

Answer 8

If you value this girl's friendship, then I would agree to just find someone else. There are plenty of other people out there to date, but your friends will be there through thick and thin!

Answer 9

Well tell her that u care about her so much u want her to stop for u and if she doesn"t then maybe u need to stop being her friend !!And if she was a real friend she would stop for u!!!

Answer 10

she has a deeper reason for her actions, maybe its not what she wants to do. but is hiding something in her past. its fine to go with her , you just dont have to do the things she is doing, if you separate from her, she may get worse. maybe you should ask her whats really eating her. and talk about it.