is my husband disinterested in our marriage/me?

Question

We work alot of hours, we both are very tired @ the end of the day. But, I want to spend quality time w/him, ie kissing touching cuddling talking. But we come home, watch tv, talk about work and go to bed. We used to be laugh, cut up, passionate, always touching. Now, we can go thru the day without talking about nothing but work (we own our business). We dont go out anymore, dance. We have been together 6 years. Sometimes I feel that he is bored with me/us. He will cut up with the guys either @ work or when they come here. But when its just him & I, there is not much of that. He will say hes tired, but when the guys call him, he laughing, telling jokes..etc., when he gets off the phone, its the same (really not acknowledging that I am there. Ill try to conversate, but I really dont get much back. I have talked about it, but he brushes it off or gets upset (says I am trying to argue). I am 40 & think maybe i am just going thru the change (emotionally)? But I cant shake it.

Answer 1

well you've been together for 6 years. Try to change something in your daily routin. Go to the gym when he is home. or join some kind of class. Make him jelous. It works all the time.

Answer 2

Regardless of whether or not you're "going through the change" your husband should acknowldege and validate your feelings in order to make you feel loved, accepted and appreciated. It sounds as though your relationship is in a rut. Perhaps owning the business together makes everything seem like all work and no play to your husband. Perhaps you could both agree to no longer bring up the business when you're at home (or only at certain designated times)... that way you both can get the sense of being off work from time to time.

I can understand how you would feel confused by your husbands behavior since it obviously differs from his friends to you. And it would be incredibly frustrating to be brushed off and accused of trying to start an arguement whenever you try to communicate with him about the situation. It certainly sounds like he's distanced himself a bit from the relationship... but it's hard to say whether or not he's interested.

Perhaps you should try to change things up a bit. Maybe dress up and plan a night out (and tell him that there is to be no talk about business) and try to have a good time. If that doesn't help then perhaps you should consider taking a trip on your own for a week or so... maybe you guys just need a break from one another... since you both work and live together. And if all else fails... there is no shame in seeking counseling (jointly or alone). You have to be able to express your feelings and be heard somewhere... or your realtionship will suffer.

Best wishes.

Answer 3

Well, it could be several things. #1 You might be right about you starting peri-menopause, which causes emotional ups and downs, #2 You probably just are both just beat (I can relate), but #3 You might be on the road to marital problems.

So one weekend, or evening when you are both less tired, go out to a nice place for dinner and talk. Tell him how you feel and ask him what is going on with him, but do it in a non-accussing manner. He too may be feeling stressed. Maybe you need to see a counselor a couple of times to just have an impartial person listen and advise you on what you both can do to keep this marriage alive. If hubby refuses - then maybe he is not interested in making the marriage work and you should cut your losses before things get worse.

I do know, however, that lack of sleep, stress and overwork can affect people in many ways. Maybe he just needs a down time, a quiet time for a set amount of time each night, and then he will talk with you. I have found that to be true of my husband. Maybe you both need to join a health club and exercise together. As odd as that may sound, sometimes exercise actually rejuvenates people. Also, both of you should get medical check ups done to make sure there is not anything physical causing this lack of interest or fatigue.

Good luck - I will be thinking of you.

Answer 4

No, I don't think he's disinterested. You two have just fallen into a routine and got too comfortable with each other. All you need to do is break out of that routine and do something different to make your time with each other more exciting. My husband and I always do something different together. Even though we're both tired from work we make the time for it. We don't take our marriage for granted.

Answer 5

From what I gather, you own your own business, and work long hours together. Try spending that much time with your mother and I bet you'd be crawling out of your skin buy the end of the week. You two need time apart at some point, and some outside interests to change things up. Right now you share everything, there is no outside stimulus. The fact that you two don't seem to be fighting actually speaks well of your marriage. Infuse some outside interests, give each other room, then plan some time to come back together and share your individuality's with each other, like you use to do.

Answer 6

HUn...it´s not a problem..the same thing happens all the time to couples that live together for more thn 2 or 3 years and more if you have a bussiness with him
you have to separate the bussiness stuff from your marriage cause otherwise that is going to end it
you should start using make up and going to the salon and wear sexy lingerie
maybe if you chance a little bit he can notice your changes and pay attention
you have to have your own life and only share a few things and then talk anout them at home
start the gym or taking tennis lesson so you can talk about something different
go out with your friends...i dont know
make him feel like you are the same girl he met 12 years ago...
good luck

Answer 7

Make it a point to leave the business at the shop and do not take it home. Who wants to be with work 24/7. Try walking up turning off the tv and talking about anything but work. Who does the most administration at work. I'd bet its you or you are trying to.He probably does not feel that good about hanging with the boss. Its a difficult task but you have to leave work at work. When you are at home make sure to act like the woman he married. When was the last time you went on a date.Tell him you are going out and do it. You need to be dating weekly for a while. Make sure its someplace you can talk, no movies. See if that helps.

Answer 8

Sounds like the icing is off the cake is all. The two of you need to do what's necessary to liven your marriage back up. No need for a divorce, just a little excitement. Try asking him out to a movie, or dinner....maybe dancing. You will have to initiate it though, he's not likely going to.....He doesn't see a problem.

Answer 9

Maybe you guys are spending too much time together. My wife and I have been married for 7 years and when I am home for the summer, it seems like our relationship gets in a funk as we spend all day together. Once I start teaching in the Fall, our relationship peps up again as we are not together 24/7. Again, communication is key. Go on a vacation, get away and rekindle that flame that made you two fall in love in the first place.

Answer 10

I'm sorry to hear about this. It sounds pretty sad to me. I think you and your husband need to talk big time, but you'd better be ready for anything. If he really wants to keep his marriage, he will be willing to try different things, like marriage counseling. Good luck.