My wife cheated should i leave?

Question

My wife of 10 years started talking to an old high school boy friend from 20 years ago i didnt have a problem with it he's married with 3 kids until i found out she had been sleeping with him for 3 months. I confronted her and she admited it. I thought about leaving her but I love her and if we split up she would move to another state with my 8 year old son. She broke it off with him and said she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. Then i found out 1 months later from cell phone records she never stopped talking to him. She said they stopped seeing each other not talking. So I called his wife and told her they were still talking. My wife said they were not going to talk again.Then she got a new cell phone so i couldn't check the records anymore she said she need her privecy. A month later she was still talking to him. She said she needed someone to talk to and he was going through the same thing in his house.
Should I leave, can she ever be trusted

Answer 1

100% definitely !!! I have been married twice and in both of them, she cheated. The first one I stayed with and she cheated again. The marriage I'm in now, she cheated after nearly 2 years and unfortunately for me I stayed with her for another 11 years and low and behold she cheated again. So like the old saying goes, "once a cheater...always a cheater. VERY IMPORTANT, whom ever files for divorce first and states that the child is with them, they get temporary custody until the divorce is final. This is the best way for you to get a very good chance at receiving full custody. Be the best father that you can be but you should definitely leave. Although, if the child is better of with your wife then still get out. Don't forget to be on your best behavior through the divorce proceedings, and I'm not sure but I do believe that she needs your approval before she can up and leave state with your child. Do what you feel needs to be done, just don't disappoint your child, you are the only true father that he/she will ever have. Take care and keep smiling !!!

Answer 2

Tough call and I know it hurts to have been betrayed by the one you love. You've been married 10 years and it could be your wife got infatuated with the opportunity to try something (and someone) new - but still familiar as you say it was an old high school friend. Sex is a powerful thing and can be addictive and blinding to those we really love and care about she may indeed be hooked on a feeling and not realize what she could lose in the afterglow of the moment.

But you say she did this for 3 months, kept talking on the phone after she said she wouldn't, and then got a new phone you couldn't check on. But has she seen him again? Do you know for sure?

Ultimately, it's time to be straight forward and have a serious talk.

You've been married 10 years so find a time to be alone after your son has gone to bed and tell her lovingly but in no uncertain terms that you love her and don't want to lose her. That you are willing to forgive past transgressions but she needs to make up her mind - her husband - or her ex high school boy friend (and I so want to add "that most girls grow out of when they meet a real man and marry him" but this isn't the time to add sarcasm to your words). Suggest a week or so to make up her mind and if she still keeps secrets from you and private phone calls, you can bet it isn't the grocer on the phone taking new orders.

You can try a trial separation before a full divorce at that point if you wish because I believe marriages can be saved if BOTH parties wish to do so. That may give her a taste of what she's about to lose and snap her out of a schoolgirl's fantasy.

Above all, if you split do so amicably for the sake of your son. Even if she decides not to sleep in your bed any longer, you'll gain nothing by soiling her and her boyfriend's new one and your son will lose a lot in the process.

Answer 3

When people cheat, I don't understand why they always blame the other person for it. I mean we did not take their hands and give it to someone else. They know exactly what they were doing. I think it is time to confront your wife and let her know that you are aware of her behaviours and make a decision from there. Of course she may deny everything saying she felt lonely and got caught into it. For me once the trust is broken I can never go back trusting the other person again. If I choose to do so this would mean that I would always be looking over my shoulder or expect that person to be doing it to me again a few years down the track. It would become an annoying thought and I don't want to live like this. So if you feel this whole thing has changed you to the point where you find yourself incapable of loving and trusting her the same way then you will need to tell her honestly.

Answer 4

This woman doesn't seem to understand that you don't want her to have any contact with the old boy friend. I wonder how she would feel if the situation was you and an old girl friend? Would she think it was OK for you to keep in touch then?

You have given her more chances than she deserves. A cheater doesn't change. She things she is doing nothing wrong, so she sees no reason to change.

It is time for you to draw the line. Tell her she must cut all ties with this guy or you are walking out. Tell her she has made a mess of both your lives and the lives of his family. It is time to decide what she is going to do, because you are not waiting any longer. If she does not allow you access to her phone records to prove she has stopped calling him, then you are leaving.

While you are at it you should try to get custody of your child. She does not sound like a good role model to be raising a child. I suggest you go behind her back and talk to a lawyer. Get as much advice as you can from him to be prepared if she goes back to the old boy friend. Good luck.

Answer 5

I know its hard to make a decision, even though you know whats right......
if she really would stop talking to that guy it will happen again with someone else
and she will always use the child against you,it feels like no way out but you have to get out before you don't have the strength anymore
most lawyers have some kind of 1 hour for free cons., go there and see what your right are maybe that will give you more strengh, she knows that she has 2 of the best jokers in her hands..its you still loving her and her telling you she loves you plus of course your son
don't do this for your own good

Answer 6

First let me say that I commend you for trying to work things out with your wife. I am so sorry for what you're going through. You must be in a great deal of pain. It sounds as though your wife is not respecting your agreement to break off contact with her lover. And that must, obviously, be the first step if things are ever going to be able to be resolved between the two of you. She should be desperately trying to prove to you that you can trust her again... but it sounds like she is not. I doubt that you will ever learn to trust your wife again if this disrespectful and selfish behavior of hers continues. Perhaps you and your wife should seek counseling together. Maybe a licensed therapist could better consult the two of you about what needs to be done in order to save your troubled marriage. For the sake of your child... seek professional help and do not argue about this around your 8 year old son.

I wish you the very best.

Answer 7

I know this is hard, but the point is your relationship will never be the same. She has a connection with him. This has been going on for months now and she is not willing to stop. Counseling may help, but believe me it will always be an issue in your marriage. Not being able to trust your partner is the worst thing to overcome...believe me I've been there...

Answer 8

What makes you think she's not already planning to leave you? Just keeping you drifting, while she lies... planning, preparing, hoping all the time to make a life with him.
Of course she can't be trusted. How many times does she have to betray you? Prove she has no concept of fidelity?
She says she loves you. So what? Love doesn't treat someone that way. Selfishness does.

Answer 9

she threatened to take your child away if you left her and she's cheating on you and she actually said point blank "i need my privacy."?!

whoa.

whoa.

hold onto those phone records if you still have them. if possible, video and audio record her when she makes these subtle threats of taking your child away from you. any evidence you can gather against her is worth gathering. then divorce her and use the evidence you gathered against her, fight for full custody of your son. what kind of a wife is she to be cheating so blatantly? what kind of a mother is she to use her child as a pawn against you? she is a horrible woman and you and your son deserve better. and you definitely don't want your kid growing up think every woman is evil like mommy. i don't want you starting to think all women are that horrible either.

you seem like a nice guy. but it's time to play dirty.

Answer 10

It sounds like your wife doesn't know what she wants. If she continues to talk to him, then you should definitely at least consider marriage counseling. Its always a hard situation with children, but you should look into the possibility of a divorce. If she were really sorry she wouldn't be secretive about her phone. It sounds like to me she's still seeing him.