Me and my wife have had problems and both of us have made mistakes .can we start again if we still love each?

Question

we have been together for 2 and half years and it has been a struggle for us both. I recently met a new woman who is paying me alot of attention that i as missing from my wife. Now i dont know if i should stay with my wife who desperatly loves me and feels sorry for neglecting me as she has asked me to give her another chance, or try a new relationship with the woman of 1 month who helped me when i was feeling down and showed me support.. I have cheated on my wife twice and she forgave me but should i forgive her for neglecting me. Should i stay or go? they are both good women and both love me.

Answer 1

How do you feel? I think if you have cheated yor wife twice is because you don't love her, and if she forgived you twice, is because she is not giving herself respect as a woman... think about your relationship and decide at once...

Answer 2

All I can say is, your wife must be a really desperate woman to keep a man in her life that can cheat on her.
Do your wife a favour and leave her to find someone more deserving of her love, because you cheating on her, really shows that you didn't love her enough anyway or you would never have cheated in the first place. Get it!!!
And saying its because your wife "didn't pay you enough attention" is only an EXCUSE. If you really loved and respected your wife and your marriage vows, you would not cheat at all.
They both may well be 'good woman' and they both 'love you' but I think its time you bowed out of your marriage instead of making a mockery of it, and give your wife the chance to find the love that SHE deserves.
Time for you to go mate I think.

Answer 3

Personnally i feel that there will have been problems on both sides of your marriage, and i feel that it may be useful for you both to sit down and talk about your problems...i feel that honesty is the best policy in an instance like this,if you hide things from each other you will gain very little from talking, i also feel a good marriage is always worth the effort to try to save, to me it feels like two and a half years is quite a long time to spend together. talking would only be useful if you do it objectively, i would try this and if it does not work then the ultimate move would be to make a clean break....I can`t help wondering why your wife neglected you in the first place...she may not feel she did neglect you, this may only be the way you percieve it...i feel you both have a lot of serious thinking to do about yourselves and each other. If you can`t sit and talk about your marriage together, there is always the option of talking to a marriage guidance counsellor, who will be well trained in this field, but both of you will have to want to go, it is not much use if one of you wants to go and the other one doesn`t. I really do feel for both of you...this is not a nice place to be.

Answer 4

Yes you should try again. I think maybe you should try to get away with your wife just for a week-end and talk to each other. How do you know in a couple of months that you will still have a relationship with your "girlfriend" and if you leave you wife and things don't turn out as you wished there will be no going back. You really need to talk. good luck, also give your self space with the other woman or it will all end in tears.

Answer 5

You are one heck of a man. You cheated on your wife twice and she forgave you, but you cannot forgive her for "neglecting" you? Did it ever occur to you that you could have spoken to her about this neglect and tried to work things out then?

So now you have a new woman and you love her, too. Did it ever sink in that you are a married man and have taken a vow to love and honor your wife? Now you have involved another person in this mess. This woman does not need to be caught in the middle of your marriage problems.

You need to tell the new woman "good bye." Period. Just "good bye." No "wait for me" or "I will come back to you" just "good bye." Once she is out of the picture it is time for you and your wife to decide what to do about your marriage.

In order to put things back together in your marriage you should both go to counseling. You need someone impartial to look at the situation and evaluate what needs to be done to fix it. If after both of you have tried your best to fix the marriage and you find it doesn't work, then you need to divorce and go your own ways. That will be the time you should look for another woman.

Answer 6

Sounds a bit like my marriage! We have been married 10 years and my husband recently strayed for the same reasons you have. We are trying to rebuild our marriage, and you can too. You admit you have both made mistakes but I wonder if you really know how to avoid making them again in the future? That's the real danger here, just patching over the cracks and not adressing the root. There is hope however, I have read a lot now on how to meet my man's needs, in a way I didn't get before. Chances are you aren't treating your wife the way she was expecting before you married either. Please sit down as a couple and read this link Im giving you. Our marriage is stronger now we have something to guide and explain, and yours can be too. Hope it helps.

Answer 7

Is her neglecting you due to the fact of you being unfaithful?

When I was pregnant with my third child my husband was unfaithful (married one year)
Have you ever had anybody be unfaithful to you?
If so, you'll know how much that hurts, you'll know if loved when a loved one does. My ex said it was because (yep, ex :D:D:D:D) I couldn't have sex.......yet he witnesed me unable to walk because of the pain. He was physically abusing me and I was trying to deal with my past. It was like..........hang on a minute, what the hell!!!!
He was pushing his guilt onto me, and if he couldn't see how the pregnancy (three within two years) had taken it's toll then he was a bigger idiot than I was dumb for staying with him (he did twice after too)

Sounds like you're pushing her out for this new fling. Then what, go back when done with the new lady.
My ex did that one too, and even had the audacity to heighten the amount of abuse at me until I pushed him out-a few weeks later snuggled back in when I was my most vulnerable, had just had my 5th child by him.

See, we may not be able to see when in the middle of it, but the truth does stare us in the face in the end, infact it all becomes as clear as the nose on our faces so don't try and fool her to have your cake and eat it-be a man and spare her pain if intend to be with this other lady

Forgiving one another means giving each other time to heal by the wounds created, but it requires looking much deeper than the suface wounds-look into her heart and then slowly patch it up if there is true love between you
True love wouldn't be involving 'thinking' about another, it would be concentrating on improving what you've already got.

She'll learn, you'll learn but will you meld together, or fall apart only time can tell-still wish you luck though, I believe in giving many chances until the hope has withered from within-got hope-got a chance!

Answer 8

if u both love each other, yes, u can start all over again...if you're wife can forgive u as many times as she can, why cant u? thik about this.....

wife..been with u thru thick and thick..forgiven u so many times..accepted u over and over again..she's been understanding of u...all of these becuase she loves u..and am sure she'll be with u again no matter what...dont take it for granted or u might just wake up one day and she's gone and you'll never have her back

trying on a new relationship with this girl will complicate things..you're just overwhelm with the attention she's giving you..actually if u think deeply, she's kinda 'taking advantage' of your 'vulnerability'..the fact that you seem at your weakest and u on the other hand likes the feeling of being needed..i dont know, dya think it will last long? dya think she can endure what your wife had? dya think she can love u enough to forgive and accept u if you go astray?

Answer 9

Man!!!This is a really tough question.Holy!!!!!!!You answered yourself,when you say: "my wife who desperately loves me. Also you say: " I met a woman,who helped me"Your wife love you,the other woman only helped you to forget your personals problems.My opinion,my advice is: stay with your wife,talk with her,give her a second chance (both).And if you believe that the other woman will cause you more problems,you can finish with her or maybe be only a good friend.Remember your wife love you,the other woman only helped you to have a good time and forgot your problems.Good luck.Think good,take your time.Do not do something you will regret all your life.Good luck.

Answer 10

Of course you can always start again if you still love each other. But do you? This other woman seems to be coming on to you knowing you are married. If I love someone, I don't set out to wreck their life. I doubt her feelings for you have anything to do with love. It is probably the same as your feelings for her, a combination of primitive lust, childish greed and vanity.
I would seriously question whether you love your wife too. You certainly aren't acting like someone who loves her. Should you forgive her for neglecting you? Honestly.

Answer 11

How recently is this new woman? What will she be like four years from now? Will she be better than, equal to or worse than your wife?
Will she be the next to do the bunning? Remember, you are now cheating on your present wife for her.
You said your wife loves you Do YOU LOVE HER?
You said you have cheated on your wife twice and she forgave you but you find it had to forgive you for her treatment to you. How did it feel when she said"you are forgiven?" Wouldn't it be nice for her to feel the same?