how to talk to my wife about her son?

Question

my wife is hispanic her son was born in the us it is her only child he is 15 years old and i love the kid i want him to have all the help he can get to keep him from struggling in life like i did but i cant talk to his mother about things with out her taking it as an attack on her son the kid never goes out side unless he is taken somewere by his mom he has no drive or ambition all he does is watch tv and play games i tried once last year when he was failing classes in school and it turned into a bad fight between me and my wife because i told her he needs to be limited on his tv time and made to study and she said to stay out of it well now that i did he failed every class last year and i dont think she even punished him for it she treats him like her best friend witch is fine sometimes but she needs to be his mother more when i give him chorse to do i find out his mother is helping him with them and that totally destroys any sence of resposibility the kid has help me please

Answer 1

Since he's 15, you could talk (talk, not lecture or yell) to him instead of to your wife.

Since she sees any advice to her as an attack on him and on her parenting, you can probably have a lot more luck with him.

As the mom of boys, I can tell you that the best place to talk to a 15 year old is on a long drive. For some reason, men talk better when they don't have to look at you and when you're not looking at them.

The best way to talk to him is to explain the obstacles you've faced and how hard life is when you're not prepared with an education. Letting him know that his mom likely will never hold him responsible for his actions but that he's a man now and so he needs to start holding himself responsible will also help.

If the conversation starts to anger or annoy either of you, back off from it and start talking about something good you have in common. Tackle it again after a few weeks so he knows that a serious conversation with you won't end in frustration or hurt. That's the best way to build trust with anyone.

Good luck with this. No parent does their child a favor by keeping them from responsibility.

Answer 2

well you sound like someone I know. But the answer is simple talk to your wife and make it clear that u are not attcking her son. you also should try taking to your step son, maybe you can get through to him, better than you would be able to with his mom.

Answer 3

You reminds me of my best friend. She has one daughter and she feels bad everytime her hasband try to educate her daughter.
She knows he is doing good for her daughter but still hurts her feeling. I don't know how long have you guys been, but I think it takes time to make understand her and her son. As long as you are fair to him, they'll understand you eventually. Don't give up.
AH, I WANT TO SAY THAT MY FRIEND AND HIS FAMILY , THEY ARE DOING GOOD NOW.it took about 2 years , I think

Answer 4

tell her that u are his parent too.....and try explain ur point of view....u live in the same house there are rules that he must respect from ur part too...ask her why she married u if she doesn't "share" her son.......