I just can't get this out of my head....
River red, red river,
Drown me in your blood.
Let your blood seep into me.
Give me life,
Take away this dark cloud of depression,
And erode it to nothing.
River red, red river,
Make your currents
Twist me in every direction.
Bending, twisting, moving me
Into shapes deemed impossible by man.
River red, red river,
Take me to your heart.
Pumping, beating, squeezing, expanding.
Surround me with your touch,
So cold, so hard, so much pressure, so good.
River red, red river,
Take me.
2006-08-29 12:01:20 · 4 answers · asked by Asea 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
I am not a critic. But, if you want my unqualified opinion, here it is.
Too many mixed metaphors, including ones that contradict each other.
Stay with the theme, if you wish, as I think it to be socially significant, but I would reconstruct the text.
The last line is a clear example of my point. "Cold, "hard", "pressure", are not usually experiences most would deem to be "so good." Unless, of course, I have missed your point.
2006-08-29 14:14:03 · answer #1 · answered by Samurai Hoghead 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but although it sounds as though the author is trying to escape from depression that he or she is really drowning in it. It actually made me feel bad when I read it.
2006-08-29 20:50:42 · answer #2 · answered by traveller 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's okay.
2006-08-29 19:03:50 · answer #3 · answered by Maya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just riding you; o.k.
2006-08-29 19:27:44 · answer #4 · answered by prince47 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋