Husband of three years spent summer on assignment in another state. I know he saw his ex girlfriends, and just discovered messages to a woman he used to work with. They were arranging to get together with a lot of, "I miss you so much," "I can't wait to see you again," and actually sign off "Love, [name]". Is it possible this was just a social meeting, not a tryst? Hubby does not usually express himself so emotionally with friends, or even with me for that matter. Am I stupid? Is it just painfully obvious? What should I do?
I felt terrible reading his email, but he's been so distant since returning; I just had to know what he was sending and receiving. My blood ran cold when I read what they've been sending to each other.
I know that if I ask about it, he'll deny it and focus the discussion on my snooping. Are we doomed?
2006-08-29 11:25:22 · 15 answers · asked by RiverGrrl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you must know in your heart the answer to this question, I think you may just be in shock. It's sounds as if he is, in fact, having relationships outside your marriage, and not just one. It sounds like he wants out of the marriage, I don't know if you were together before you got married, but at three years you should still be in a semi-honeymoon state. Get your thoughts together, and get a strong support system around you, right now. DO NOT feel bad for looking at his e-mails, ignorance is not bliss, HE is in the wrong here, not you
2006-08-29 11:58:28 · answer #1 · answered by libraesque 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does sound like an affair. He was gone all summer and making arrangements beforehand with an old girlfriend. The email was too personal to me. Maybe something like, would sure like to catch up on things, maybe have dinner one night. Not this lovey dovey stuff. I wouldn't say anything at the moment. Just keep your eyes and ears open and listen to your gut feelings. Your instincts are usually right and if he has been gone all summer and is now distant from you, that is a sure hint of trouble. Sorry, but I agree, make copies and keep them safe. If he is cheating, better earlier than later in a marriage.
2006-08-29 11:53:46 · answer #2 · answered by JJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have seen them or her, but til you get better evidence I wouldn't rely on just e-mails. I would pay more attention to what is going on around you and your house. If he left his e-mail open for you to see then he is either stupid or doesn't care or he doesn't think he did anything wrong, what do you think? Did you hack into his e-mail or did he give you his password? An uneducated guess would be that he thinks he has not done anything to be secretive about or he has not done anything to tell you about. I personally wouldn't be signing off to any female other than Ma, sis, aunt, Grandma or Wife or wife to be with " Love, ..." This may come down to you asking a few questions that you already know the answer too and see what he says to you. I am not condoning a fling, but what has yours and his relationship been like? I would let it go for just a little while and see if something else comes up, I hope I helped, Good luck.
2006-08-29 11:43:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already have the signs. The fact that you felt compelled to check his email tells you there's something up. I know you don't want to confront your husband about it but I'm afraid you're just gonna have to or else, he's never going to know that you know. If you don't take that first step, nothing will change with your situation.
P.S. It doesn't sound like a "social meeting" more like a tryst. Sorry.
2006-08-29 11:45:29 · answer #4 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would make copies of those emails and put them in a place only you would look, and continue making copies on any future emails. I hate to say this, but your husband is obviously having an affair. I dont know that I would confront him just yet, let him set up a meeting and I would have him followed and pictures snapped. Divorce attorneys can work wonders with physical evidence of adultery.
2006-08-29 11:36:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Men cheat all the time and don't think anything about it. Him being distant and cold to you is a good indication that he has been cheating. That does not mean you are doomed or that he is looking to replace you with another woman. He is just being a dog, like men often do.
2006-08-29 11:32:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is cheating!!!!!!! You have proof! Why are you questioning it? You obviously love him so it sounds like you are willing to forgive,but he has to change. You must question him about it and do not let the conversation steer to the snooping. It is not snooping. If he was open and honest, there would not be any reason to snoop because he would not be hiding a thing.!!!
2006-08-29 11:31:30 · answer #7 · answered by Confused 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, it's painfully obvious, he's having an affair. I don't know what good "talking to him" is going to do. If you don't want to get hurt over and over again, end it now. Call a divorce lawyer and see what you can do.
2006-08-29 11:55:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go and talk to him straight. I did the same thing few months ago and I faced him directly to see what was going. When he asked me why I snooped just had to say I was sorry for doing that but it was something I had to do.
2006-08-29 11:41:43 · answer #9 · answered by Jessica G 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is definitely cheating! Sorry, sweetie. I would say your marriage does not mean the same to your hubby that it does to you. Just be glad that he didn't take three more years from your life. Good luck!
2006-08-29 11:51:37 · answer #10 · answered by Pildi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋