Please I need some voice of reason?

Question

My gf of 10 months still is in email contact with her last %^% buddy ( my gf was the other woman in that relationship). She has given me some white lies so I dont get "upset" with her on other issues. Is this appropraite behavior? Are white lies ok ? I feel I am on a one way street , her taking me giving , I dont think it is intentional but that is the way I feel. I need her to be my best friend and im not felling it anymore . She avoids hard discussions. I do have fellings for her and would like it to work .Please help me sort this out honestly . Thanks a ton!

Answer 1

The voice of reason says you should leave her. She is playing you. Things will only get worse so get out before they do.

Answer 2

"White lies" are ok as long as they're not hurting anyone... Obviously, you're upset by her "white lies", so this makes them not ok. In and of itself, her contact with her past "fling" isn't much to worry about, but it all depends on the context, and what this "contact" consist of. Is it an occasional e-mail every few months? Or IMs and text messages every day? You see what I'm saying. If she doesn't want to be fully committed to you, there's nothing you can do to change that. Best thing to do in this situation, IMO, is ask her flat out - "are we in a committed relationship, or not?" It is a yes or no question. If she doesn't give an answer, or starts getting philosophical, the answer is "no". Pretty much, anything other than a straight-forward "yes" would be a "no". Once you have your answer, go from there. It's up to you to keep on giving; she will continue on taking, don't expect her to change. You can try being selfish for a change, see if she still wants to be around.

Answer 3

I think everyone, at one time or another and at one level or another, has had this kind of relationship. The kind where you're very taken by the other person - she's nice looking, good personality, fun to be with, alot of potential. But the reality is that you're prolonging the inevitable by holding on. You're suffering more than you need to and will suffer more. Whether it be a male or female (doesn't matter) some are just plain not 'permanent mate' material. They may be 10 years from now but they aren't now. You've described a situation that shouldn't be happening if she felt the same way about you as you do about her. Personally I think you should get up the strength to walk away from this one...even if she presents an excuse, which I suspect she's already done on a number of occasions, but you're trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. Your call.

Answer 4

Honestly, white lies are still LIES. And if she lies, how can you trust her? If she avoids talking with you, communicating with you, and all around being a friend to you...you need to re-evaluate the situation and see if maybe it might be best if you both parted ways; or if you need to stick around and see where it goes. I cannot tell you what you should do, because I do not know what you should do. But from how it sounds, I suggest some good time thinking on it, praying on it, and lining up the situation to decent morals (ie: the Bible is a good place to start Check out the Ten Commandments - Exodus 20)....do they match? I can tell you right now the lying bit does not match.

Answer 5

Lies have no color nor size. A lie is a lie. In a relationship lies are a sign that something is very wrong.

If you still have feelings for her, then let her know how do you feel. If she avoids the issue, then give her an ultimatum, ask her to choose if she really want your company. You deserve an honest answer from her a direct answer.

If she is not willing to at least do that, maybe it is time to move on. Feelings or not. Love is not suffering, love has a lot to do with respect and she is not respecting you.

Answer 6

Voice of reason........well, I think you already know what you should do but you just want to hear it from others to justify your train of thought. You should leave her. White lies, black lies, grey lies.....no lies are OKAY!!!!!!!! If she is avoiding communication with you she has a reason to. She is hiding more than you realize. You only have 10 months invested in this relationship so it will not take long to move on from this and if you have been good and true to her then you deserve better from a partner. do not settle for less than you give. A relationship should be 50/50 and if you have doubts they are usually justified. Leave her and let her have her single life and find someone who is gonna love and respect you. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship and sounds like she has lost your trust. Good luck!!!!

Answer 7

Well, since you asked for a voice of reason, I sure hope you expect the unexpected as far as what you are going to hear. I wish I had better news, but it sounds as though your girlfriend isn't quite as committed to this relationship as you are. From all accounts, it sounds as though it's her loss, not yours. She's the "other woman" honey, it pretty much means she's not considerate of other people's feelings except her own. I wish I could say this is gonna work out if you talk to her, but even you know that she's avoiding those discussions. You can't make someone love you that doesn't. My advice would be for you to cut your losses and get out while you still have your sanity. Chalk it up as a learning experience for the next one that comes along. Life is a series of trial and errors. We'll make alot of mistakes on the path that leads us to where we need to be in life. Don't carry this mistake with you. Learn from it and move on.

Answer 8

Oh Boy, Oh Boy.....Sorry to hear that, and I must say you are on a one way street. White lies (or any other color lie) have no place in a 10 month relationship. You need to make a life changing decision about her and where this relationship is going to go. Facts: People who lie, will continue to lie through out the entire relationship, so you must nip it in the bud now, or forever hold your peace. If the shoe was on the other foot, she would have dumped your booty already!
Good Luck.

Answer 9

Sounds like she is lying to you and hiding things from you. First of all, she shouldn't be talking to her ex "buddy", especially since the relationship was sexual. She should have ended that when she hooked up with you. Lying to you about important issues isn't okay and the fact that she already knows that it would bother you or that you might over react goes to show you that she is doing something she knows she shouldn't be doing.
Tell her to either start being honest and be in the relationship with you 100% or to get lost. You don't deserve someone who is still caught up in her past and not faithful to you on every level.

Answer 10

Lying is lying, whether it's lying by exclusion or a total black lie and this behavior is not appropriate for a healthy relationship...period! She's obviously hiding something and there's a total lack of respect for you on her part. If her behavior is going to bother you for the rest of your relationship, it's best that you just move on and find someone who can be honest with you and respect you in return. Bottom line: It's either her ex or you. She can't have both.

Answer 11

any sort of lying is not appropriate. If she is lying about little things, what makes you think she would be honest about "bigger issues"?

She is not worth wasting your time on. She is merely playing games with you b/c she knows that you have feelings for her.... It seems to me (and this is just my own opinion taken from similar circumstances in the past) she is just biding her time till someone "better" comes along...

I would leave if it were me.... There are plenty of other women out there that really want a true relationship!!!!

Best of Luck to you hun!!!