i have been with this guy for about 8 months and he has falling in love with me and i the same for him.but we have know idea what to do for each other because his wife still loves him and they have a 18 month old together but the spark between them just isnt there anymore what should we do?
2006-08-29 10:51:50 · 31 answers · asked by rosie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Unless he leaves his wife, you don't stand a chance. You are nothing more then a dalliance for this man. If their child is only 18 months old, then the odds are she is too tired for sex right now and he is using you for his own selfish needs.
Men will say anything they think you want to hear if it will get them into your pants.
"A hard dick has no conscience."
2006-08-29 10:56:37 · answer #1 · answered by I love my husband 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What you should do, for you... for the man... for his child... and his wife... is exit the situation immediately.
Marriage is just between two people. There's no room for a third party. If he wanted to be with you, and he was certain about that, he should have left his wife and THEN taken up with someone else. I rather doubt he's staying with her because SHE loves HIM. He's staying because he wants to have his family and his lover as well. You are the passion that has disappeared from his marriage.
If you married him and you guys had a baby and the exhaustion of parenting took you both over and the passion died out for a while, would it be okay for him to take on another lover then? Think about it. It never occurred to this woman that if she had a child with him that he would drop her. I think she's expecting him to maintain his commitment to her, even if she's tired and breastfeeding and overweight and forgets to put on make-up every day.
It's likely that the spark that disappeared between them was due to the massive changes a marriage goes through when a child is born into it. You're suddenly not a glowing couple any more. You're exhausted parents! But... you are family. Their child has made them family and you are inserting yourself somewhere that you have no right to be.
The spark that they had will have no chance of returning if you do not exit. If men had a choice between a tired wife and a sick baby or a nubile young thing who reminds them of what it was like to just be free and irresponsible and not have all the weight of marriage and parenthood on their shoulders, how many men would choose to carry the weight, the wife and the vomiting infant?
I understand your feelings... I do. But I also understand his. Please do not allow him to run from a life situation that he willingly created with a woman he used to adore. If you really care for this man, then care for him enough to let him go be the best husband and father he can be. I know you aren't trying to destroy people but your presence is creating a disturbance that has the potential to destroy at least three lives. If he is not strong enough to do the right thing for himself and his family, then YOU will have to be strong enough for the both of you.
2006-08-29 18:06:06 · answer #2 · answered by thegirlwholovedbrains 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't really believe you started a relationship with a guy who had a new baby. It's bad enough that you're a homewrecker, but there's a child invovled? If you have any self worth or feelings of dignity, then you will end this immediately. Of course, I'm sure you won't do that, but you should be really ashamed. Maybe the 'spark' died because of the baby, or maybe he's just a player. By the way, most people know that if he will do it WITH you, he'll do it TO you ... so if you do end up with him, if he leaves his wife, he will very likely cheat on you. How does that make you feel? What if you have a child with him? Do you think the "spark" will die?
2006-08-29 17:57:05 · answer #3 · answered by danika1066 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm sure it would be soo hard for both of them to split because they have a child together. And it will be extremely painful for the wife to have to go through if she still loves him. But it will be even more painful for her if she were to find out he was having an affair. If he doesn't love her anymore then he can't really help his feelings. They will have to work out a friendship and time that he can still see his child. He obviously has found a new love and you are it.. but it is very unfortunate that he has a new child in his life and started a new relationship with someone else.. thats sad on your part to. But I guess everything happens for a reason.
2006-08-29 17:57:31 · answer #4 · answered by C-Baby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getcha a non-married man. The spark was there 18 months ago and now that you are on the side it just went away? I think he's just lookin for some fun because his wife had a baby not too long ago and she probably hasn't felt into doing sexual things. He has to find someone to do it while she isn't. What makes you think that he won't go back to her. Not trying to be rude but guys lie he probably still loves her and will probably go back to her when he is done using you.
2006-08-29 17:56:10 · answer #5 · answered by awesome_eo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all I do not think it was the best idea for you to have gotten with a married man in the first place my dear. For one because if he will cheat on his wife and the mother of his child, he will more than likely do the same thing to you honey child. And for him to have been with you being married to another woman does not say much for his character and that is sad that you would be drawn to a man like that. He should have broken it off with his wife he did no longer love her or want to be with her, but he needs to think about his child before he thinks about himself or you or even his wife because that baby didn't ask to be born just to be loved by his/her parents. I wish you luck and I hope the best for that baby, and may you do what is RIGHT morally and not what you want to do or what makes you feel good at certian times.
2006-08-29 18:20:24 · answer #6 · answered by cheryl m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"We"? There is no "We" here. I hope there isn't anyways. You'd be best off to just walk away from this. Sounds like this guy can't live without the initial spark that comes with a new relationship. Which means that even if you got what you want (him leaving her for you) he'd just cheat on you later on in the relationship. This little situation you've gotten into is NOTHING but trouble and shame on you for taking part in his affair. You're both lousy individuals to have done this.
2006-08-29 17:55:15 · answer #7 · answered by Olivia B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Option 1 - Get rid of him, he's a cheater who is willing to deceive the woman who just had his baby. Find a man with better values.
Option 2 - Let him get a divorce and marry you instead, have his baby, then you can be the wife and he can find some other stupid girl who is willing to believe his BS and put out when he gets bored with you.
I vote for Option 1. How about you?
2006-08-29 17:59:12 · answer #8 · answered by DeeDee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation you are. 8 months we have been together but i chose to let him go. the more i love him the harder it is for me to stay with him knowing he sleeps with someone else. So i chose to let him go it is hard but what can i do.
I would never ask him to leave his wife and child so i left the relationship. He has alot of trouble understanding but sometime soon hopefully everything will work out. I love him with all of my heart and it hurts to let him go but i ended hurting myself getting involved with a situation i knew nothing about.
2006-08-29 17:58:37 · answer #9 · answered by Tiffany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are headed for serious heartache. Would you consent to not being priority? Leave him and tell him to come back to you when he's divorced his wife. You on the meantime should go on with your life, love yourself, know your worth, and let yourself be available for the right worthy guy who deserves the catch that is you.
2006-08-29 17:57:40 · answer #10 · answered by lipvixen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋