I've been married to my wife for just over a year. And in that year, the relationship hasn't been equal. I wasn't a mean husband, but I sure as hell wasn't a good one. Basically she has been worn down over the course of 13 months and doesn't know if she has the emotional stamina to stay with me. We love each other... but we aren't IN LOVE with each other... :( Should I leave because it would be better then hurting her more... or stay... or what?
2006-08-29 10:49:16 · 73 answers · asked by fill in the blanks 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
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2006-08-29 10:52:17 · answer #1 · answered by Lilmisssassy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is a tough one, because you have to think "why did you get married in the first place"? I mean what was going through your head, you obviously loved each other enough to get married and 1 year later your not sure????? That seems weird. I think that their is more to the story, have you cheated on her and maybe that is why you feel this way? Or were you really just not a good husband?? I think that you should talk it over with your wife and figure out what to do. Dont ask any of us because we are not the ones who have invested time and energy into this relationship. Also if you still cant figure it out, both of you should invest some time into a marriage counselor. Because if I were you I probably wouldnt want to throw this away until you are truly sure that nothing can be worked out. Good luck on this one.
2006-09-05 07:01:19 · answer #2 · answered by gm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try meeting with a third party. It can really shed some light on the situation for both of you. Most likely there are things that neither of you can see or want to see. Let it go from there. If she won't go seek counseling then you have to revisit this question...leave or stay, but no something else. 13 months is hardly a lifetime, and if there was not much time invested in the relationship before and no children, and no more love... then your choice should be apparent. Happiness, or unhappiness?
2006-09-04 08:20:01 · answer #3 · answered by kree8iv73 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a series of ups and downs. Go back and remember the vows you took 13 months ago. Did you mean it when you said them? What has changed since then?No marriage is 50/50 all the time but no marriage should be given up without trying to figure out the problem and making an attempt to make things better. If you do not work thru the issues you have now, and move on to another relationship, it will be so easy to just give up everytime things get tough.... so your life could be a series of failed realtionships ....forever!!!!..... It is up to you both to get some counseling to help you figure where to go!!
2006-09-06 09:44:41 · answer #4 · answered by wedswd D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's still early in the game...not early enough for a annullment...but it's better to divorce now before the children and the material possessions became a major part of the picture...however, if you feel that you can salvage the relationship..if there is a glimmer of hope...I say go for it....you guys need to make time to connect....without the 9 to 5 rat race plus the bills, bills, bills....maybe take a weekend trip, walk on the boardwalk, and talk....communicate...get the feelings out there and find some resolutions....get back on the same page without the friends and relatives getting between you two....I hope that you guys can work it out...marriage should last a lifetime.
2006-09-06 09:58:50 · answer #5 · answered by D.E.O.N. Sphinxxx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I love her but I'm not In love is crap. What does that mean? So okay you were not the best but you probably were not the worst either. Is she asking you to leave? Maybe you should step back and reevaluate. If you really did garner some insight into your own shortcomings why would you bail out now when you you have an opportunity to make amends? Perhaps you should make a commitment to change your behavior toward her and let her know that you have. Then the proof is in the living.
Gain some maturity, recognize your mistakes , resolve not to repeat them. Take this to her and you might be able to keep it going.
Try this one- " Your right, I'm wrong, I'm Sorry."
2006-08-29 11:02:05 · answer #6 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What in the world are you saying?
Ok.. .did you all date for any length of time? Did you participate in pre-marital counseling? Shouldn't you consider marriage counseling? Were you aware that she had issues prior to marriage. Did you know that you were not "in love" with her when you married or prior to marriage? Why did you choose to marry her?
Why did she choose to marry you?
Marriage is work... don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and that whole thing about "loving each other".... but not being in love" is a load of crap. Work that mess out. Too many people want to bail when the going gets tough and from the sound of it you two don't even want to stand your ground during a rain shower (figuratively speaking)... How the heck are you going to stand your ground in a storm.
You both made a covenant promise with God concerning your marriage to one another. That's extremely serious. Make sure you make a serious effort to restore and claim your marriage to be whole and healthy. Don't just give up. Work to receive the reward. Nothing worth having comes easy... other wise how can a person truly appreciated what they have.
Seek out and receive counseling from a reliable therapist/marriage counselor... and Work that mess out with a quickness. You are her protector and provider so step up to the plate and find out why her emotional stamina is lacking. AGAIN... both of you seek counseling together... and seperately.. but stay the course and keep your union in tact. You'll reap the benefits later.... TRUST!!!!
2006-09-06 09:51:57 · answer #7 · answered by 247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not in love, then you should split up. Get counseling during the split so that hopefully your love for each other can remain and you can keep each other as good friends. The counselling will also help get insight as to what you can do in your next relationship. But if you are not IN LOVE, you should move on. Dragging out a relationship just holds back both of you from finding true love and true happiness. Time is too precious to try to make things work out of feelings of obligation.
2006-09-06 06:47:27 · answer #8 · answered by Just Me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should leave because if you're not in love with each other later you migth ended up hurting her more like you said yourself let her go maybe one day she will found a good'' one'' and be in an equal relationship because i'm sure she deserved that.you only been married for 13 months,why did you get married in the first place,leave if that what you want cause 13 months later you'll be begging her to take you back and guess what i hope she doesn't take yr sorry self back .
2006-09-02 14:31:45 · answer #9 · answered by jolie minouche 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make yourself love someone, but if you feel like you loved this person enough to marry them then you owe it to each other to get some kind of help to figure out what is really going on with you two. This is the only way to find out if you are "for each other" Ask Dr. Phil is the bomb on relationship! blessings and good luck!
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2006-09-05 18:46:35 · answer #10 · answered by poophead 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't leave because you haven't been the material husband. Work on the marriage! Now that you recognize some of your mistakes, own up to it man! If you still both love each other have a marriage counselor help you out. Best of luck.
2006-08-29 10:54:06 · answer #11 · answered by Ruth R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋