My husband is such a screwup. He treats me good one day and horrible the next. We've been together 10 years, two beautiful kids, we still have sex,(he is gorgeous), but I don't trust him. He's always disappearing for days. He has a criminal history. I've tried everything, but he keeps getting worse. I feel sorry for him and my kids but I know its over and has been. I'm supposed to see a lawyer next week. My heart used to open and now its slammed shut! I'm the best thing that will ever happened to him and when I am gone, he really will have nothing left.
2006-08-29 10:39:13 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You sound like a wonderful woman and capable of great love. You are probably right that you are the best thing that has ever happened in his life. Men like your husband are often blind to what they have until they lose it. However, you have put your all into this relationship and when you finally end it it will be the end, there will not be any going back. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. When we get to the point of indifference we simply don't care anything for that person any longer. You will no longer feel "sorry" for him. Yes, you will grieve for your children, but not for him. You know what you deserve now and are slowly moving towards it, and away from him. You have given him chance after chance and he has blown each and every one of those chances.
Some will say that if you feel anything for him at all, even sorry for him, you are not done with him yet. However, if you have the courage to leave before the indifference sets in, you will deal better with him and this is important for your children's sakes. If you can get past your pain and grief, you will eventually, if he allows it, be able to get to a place of a tepid friendship with him. To establish good relationship as "friends" is important for your children. Even after they are grown you will still have moments you will need to be in each others company. Weddings, grandchildren, and other family events.
I am sorry you have been so hurt. You know deep within you deserve better. I know you have stayed this long due to the childrne. It is not always in the childrnes best interest for parents to divorce. If there is not abuse, just a loss of love, then staying together and keeping the family united is good for the kids. Many will tell you to put yourself first, your happiness first, that if you are not happy you can't be the best mother. In some cases this is true. Yet, those children did not ask to be born, and they deserve a united family if it is possible. As adults we do what is in the best interests of our children. They count on us. Depend on us. If this means living without love for a few years, then so be it.
Only you know what you can bear and what you can't. Only you know what you should do and what you shouldn't do. I am not telling you what you should or shouldn't do. I am only trying to offer a tad bit of support and perhaps some ideas. I wish you the best. Your children will love you regardless of what you choose. I know they want you to be happy. Mine did, still do. I made simular difficult choices as did my fiance. That is what we do as adults, make difficult decisions that we must live with. Our children must live with them as well. I wish you much happiness and Blessed Be.
2006-08-29 11:33:01 · answer #1 · answered by Serenity 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hope the last part of what you wrote isn't exactly as you meant it, because it sounds very arrogant. By remaining with a "screwup," you are one and the same. In every situation, you must acknowledge the benefit in it, or you'll repeat your mistakes. You can't fix what you don't acknowledge. So, even though it sucks, be honest about what you've gotten out of this. You'll come face to face with a flaw in yourself, but you can turn it around.
You don't have a marriage. I'd leave, because of his criminal history and recent disappearing acts. He could be attracting bad people to himself. He could bring you down with him, financially or otherwise, and you wouldn't even know it. He could also be carrying diseases. You have an obligation to protect your children, even if you don't care enough about yourself to leave!!
It is so interesting to read that your question states your reason as "I don't love my husband anymore." Why isn't your primary concern that he is a threat to the family's wellbeing?
2006-08-29 18:18:39 · answer #2 · answered by georgia b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your pretty much at the end of your rope. If you have put your all into the marriage and nothing has changed, then you have no choice but to keep your appointment with the lawyer. If you think there is a chance that with counseling he would change then I would do whatever I had to do to save the marriage.
2006-08-29 18:10:13 · answer #3 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you even consider staying with a man that treats you bad and you no longer love? Your kids are seeing how he treats you and they're learning (the wrong way) how adults act. Oh..and if he's the gorgeous, he won't have "nothing" if you leave him. Jerks always seem to find another woman willing to put up with them.
2006-08-29 18:21:31 · answer #4 · answered by GoldnHart 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would say work it out. Reason is not any other than the fact that you have children. The damage to the children will be permanent. It will come back to haunt you years from now. No matter if you feel it's the right thing to do or not. The kids will not remember the pain that only you are feeling and someone will be blamed for destroying the relationship. It won't be him, it will be you. Sorry.
2006-08-29 17:46:24 · answer #5 · answered by RedC. 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
you can't try to save marriage of you don't love yoru husband and only thing you see becasue he is gorgeous that all you see. and knew that he has a history of criminal.....
I think that you have to leave that loser since you have tried to helped him from getting worse but it did gotten worst and it better to see lawyer and take care of this asap. I am sorry about what happen to you and your kids.
2006-08-29 17:45:06 · answer #6 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He will have something left. His own problems caused by himself. Criminal past? Scary. Disappearing for days? Scary. Get out before you end up in the middle of something or worse still, in jail.
2006-08-29 18:03:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't live a lie, you need to do what is best for you and the children, but remember kids need a father too so keep things civil so contact between father and kids is kept,
2006-08-29 17:51:23 · answer #8 · answered by Grizley Bear 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he has found something else it's time to move on with your life. and no body not even your husband has the right to treat you like that.. don't forget to ask for child support,alimony, and medical and school support and what ever else you can think of... good luck it will be rough at first on everyone but if you think it's for the best to move on then don't let him talk you into staying just for the kids sake... the kids will adjust..
2006-08-29 18:05:07 · answer #9 · answered by montanamom 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not only would I end it, but I would hire a private investigator to see where he's been going "for days". It doesn't sound like the children are going to miss much with him out of the picture.
I come from divorced parents, and it was much worse when they were living together than when they separated.
Good luck!
2006-08-29 17:55:29 · answer #10 · answered by A.Muse 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋