Are we equal?My Husband and I.?

Question

I am a stay at home mom and my husband runs a cabinet shop. I take care of just about everythng that needs to be taken care of in my house meaning the 2 kids, the 3 dogs, any and all house work, paying the bills, grocery shoping, everything! My husband works a full time job + ,enginerring and pretty much just running everything for the owner. So he does sometimes work 60 or 70 hours a week but he acts like I don't do anything. He make commets to me that I need to get a real job. He treats me like I am a maid and it should all get done and he shouldn't have to help do anything because he works so much. Did I mention I aslo run a daycare from my home and do make some money, it's only a small amount compared to what he makes but it is something. I feel like most days I get up and to work before he does and am still going when he gets home, but yet I feel like I 'm treated like I'm not equal to him just becasue he gets payed so much for working. Equals or not?

Answer 1

No you are not equals....SORRY....but this is what you should do....put your aplications in everywhere...do not tell him...just see
what your options are...figure in the buget and how much it will cost you to afford daycare for your own children..or look into the school's before and after school programs...Then my dear...if you do go to work outside the home...your husband will miss his clean laundry...his dinner ready when he gets home, breakfast at home on weekends..those sanwhiches and lemonaid you give him when he is home and you are doting on him when he is doing whatever he does at home...He will never get that your efforts are worthwhile....even if you get a job outside of the home....he wants you at home dear...you will never be equal in his mind...don't even try to go there it is not worth the arguement! You are doing a great job with what you say you are doing....earning some money with the day care while you are tending to your own family and home...his 70 hours a week will never ever ever ever in a million years add up to the effort you put into your family and home....but my dear you are a living example of greatness....you are the backbone of the family....you
are important....just know it and keep doing what you are doing...and quit trying to be equal to him...don't compete with him...your payment is much greater it is called the umbrella clause...God's clause keeps you and he loves you...your husband may bring in big bucks...but you my dear are what the
universe needs ...more women like you to stay home and care the way you do. It may go un-noticed, un-appreciated, but not un-rewarded....you are rewarded daily in little things .... and in heaven, and in health, and in freedom from a boss and caddy women to work with and flirty men to work with, and competetive idiots to work with...horrible traffic...If you want more notoriaty for your efforts say things like this....I am so glad you loved the meal I prepared for you!.......and things like .... Wow! that was a great time we had cleaning your room together Ann!...( your childs name whatever it is).....say things like....it makes me so happy when you hug me when you come home from work honey!, I LOVE YOU TOO, even if he didn't say it!, .....say things like....I just love your help folding the clothes while watching a movie together, honey!...say things like.... it is so wonderful that we all share mealtime together I just love seeing all your faces happy with the meals I prepare for you all at the same time!...That was a great time we had playing togehter as a family! All the time reminding every single person in the house how wonderful
things are...everyday....find something wonderful to say about what you do for them in a very uplifting positive way! Your life will begin to brighten in no time...NEVER DO IT IN A NEGATIVE TONE!...yes be mary poppins or some fairy god mother...be sweet and sappy....and when the children are away...they will always remember mom as being wonderful !
And when your husband is away at work he will think loving thoughts of you....Remember sweet honey gets you further than anything else! Don't argue or even ponder the equal thing with your husband....na...nope...not even for one split second....
do the sweet thing.....especially when things are sour....you will always be the hero! Your under God's big umbrella dear! Feel good God loves you enough to give you so much responsibility!
What confidence he has in you! Feel good about it and be happy!

Answer 2

This sounds somewhat like what i have been going through with my husband. I have to kids and I'm a stay at home mother. I don't generate an income, but I do handle everything that goes on in the house that keeps it running. My husband has not looked at me as an equal. He thinks that because he is the one that brings home the paycheck he has the say in everything. My husband also treats me like a maid. If his work clothes are not folded and in their drawers then he doesn't have any. Even if they are on top of the dresser or clean in the dryer. He thinks that meals should be ready for him when he sits down to the table and that he doesn't have to help raise the children or do anything else around the house beause he brings in the money. We have been married for three years and he is five years my senior. I am only 23. He grew up on a farm and I grew up in a suburban area so we have very different views on those issues. I have talked to many people including men about this issue and everyone that i have talked to has said that being a stay at home mom is the hardest job out there. we may not bring home the money or as much money, but in all of the other things we do we definately hold up our end of the responsibilities. So, dispite what your husband says or anyone else says we are absolutely equal!

Answer 3

You're equal. Or you're better, in this case. I think that a family must work to make life work. Part of it is finding an outside job and earning money, and part of it is house work. Both are equal, both can be hard, and both should be rewarded. Because you don't have a 'working contract' he might seem that you're lazy. But switch positions, you find a job and he takes care of the house.. See how soon he want's to invert the roles.

I think that as long as he earns enough to really don't require the extra income, you're not obligated to find a job. If you did find a job, then your spouse must put in housework, and work equal time, even if he doesn't like house work and would prefer doing something else.

70 hours a week is not much. So don't let that lazy guy use that as a pretext to stop doing his chores.

Answer 4

You must be trying to get into heaven on a VIP pass. A lot of women wouldn't put up with that kind of talk and the husband have many body parts left. If he won't pat you on the back, just know that there are MANY who know, respect and applaud you and your situation. There was something on television recently about how much experts think a housewife would make if she got paid for her work. Ready? Over $100,000.00 per year.
Now, let's get real. There are many ways to call him on the b.s. he's talking. You have to get to your breaking point in your patience before anything really changes. Realize your worth girl!
He has 1 job with many duties. You have many jobs with countless duties. Here's what I say: "I can show you better than I can tell you". Whatever YOU have to do for him to appreciate you, your hard work, your selflessness, and worth-do it. Take your money and get a room for a week, or go somewhere (shoot, anywhere) by yourself and let him deal with the house. I'm assuming he's a good dad, so don't worry about the kids-they'll be ok. Keep the cell phone off for at least 4 days, or call your mother to check on the kids. When you don't know your worth, no one else will know it either. He's spoiled and unappreciative. If you nip it in the bud now, it can only get better. Good Luck! Let us know how everything turns out!

Answer 5

Your husband is wrong for feeling this way. Anyone who has ever had to run a household would know that it's a lot of work. I don't know what issues he has with you - if he does, ask him to share his concerns without being insulting. You have the right to demand he stop putting you down, and let you know if he has any problems with how you take care of your part of responsibility. If he does, he needs to speak up, and you need to listen (not brush him off immediately). If not - he needs to shut up, you're not his maid or babysitter. Have you considered getting a job outside the home? Would it be something you'd like to do? Tell him you will start looking for "real" work - and hopefully he's prepared to pay for daycare, petsitter, maid and meals-on-wheels.

Answer 6

Equal, i have to say, for taking care of the kids, depending on their age is a job in itself, now taking care of the house and keeping it clean, laundry and all that, that would be a second job, then there is the day care, need i say more about that,
lets no forget hubby now, with his dinners and such, that need to be take care of, and oh yes lets not forget the deed in the bedroom too, gee lady think you might be ready for retirement soon,
besides most men do not realize what is all required in looking after a house, i did when my better half recently got sick and i was left holding the bag for everything, so yes being a housewife, maid, nurse, referee, sexual partner makes you more then equal, it makes you a master of her domain

Answer 7

you are absolutely equal, if not more! Think of a way to make him take care of everything for a while. Maybe go out of town to visit a relative or friend, let him get the kids off to school, fix lunches, keep the dogs fed. He probably won't keep up with the house work but when you get back make sure you b*tch up a storm about how the house is a pig sty and why didn't he keep on top of it. Oh and make a list of things he needs to do while you are gone!

Answer 8

You are damn right you are equal, however may I add that I went through this similar situation. I told my fiance that if he wants to stay home then be my guess but I refused to do a damn thing and he had to handle it all. Girl, after caring for our 10 month old daughter at the time getting into everything throwing things in the floor, then the si year old talking him to death and begging for every thing and in his face, not to mention the 11 year old boy who wanted to play PlayStation, rough housing and etc, he was drained, up all through the night, had to get up early when they did cool, clean and still be happy he was respectful of me then. I also told him a man is supposed to support care of the home as he is the head of the house and I am to rear the children and home. However if you chose to be with me and this was a joint decision I can always leave and fair better off with out you but can he on the other hand with out me. NOT! So I then suggested that he shut up and respect it or I can leave or get a career while he wears a damn skirt! You know what he did right..........he shut up!

Answer 9

Marriage shouldn't be a competition against each others mate. You both are equal in the fact that you accepted each others marriage vows acknowledging each others need for the other..."for better or for worse...". Where you guys are not equal is in the area of your uncanny nature to be so contributing to the family/married life, that you, (and him), are measuring what the other is doing or not doing to so deserve the right of being crowned Ruler! Let him "wear the pants" but he must respect you and your contributions and efforts toward making your family/marriage work! Put the numbers and figures aside for afew minutes while both of you go and consumate and remember what it takes to be happy in every aspect of your lives..."takes two to tango", right? EQUAL...hope this helps, good luck!

Answer 10

I think that you are all woman. I also believe that your fella ought to open his eyes and thank God for what he has. As far as the "making some money" part. You are doing your part with taking care of the 2 full time jobs at home. My wife is a stay at home mom and I bring home the money. It is our money not mine not hers. I think that you are a good woman and that he needs to wake up. I assume that you have a good sex life, money management stuff, and are not upside down in your debts. Rock his world when he gets home and then right before he "arrives" let him know that you are a working girl that you are one GREAT woman and that he needs to open his eyes.