Ok here is the situation, s/o was offered a job in a different state, the company would pay for housing and this job would last at least two years. When it came up you talked about it and decided that it is a great opportunity, with the company providing everything but food you could save soooo much money (the goal was a great down payment for your own house when it was over), you even sat down together and made a plan and a budget for saving, even bought books to help you do it. Driving back and forth on weekends is doable but NOT practical so you decide you will both reloacte, she gives up her place to live (no great loss, she didn't own the house or anything), her job (she didn't like it anyway) so it seemed that it all worked. But now you have been here for a year and a half and he hasn't stuck to the plan at all, he blows his entire paycheck every week on heaven only knows what.
2006-08-29 09:37:43 · 10 answers · asked by dappersmom 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Everything has changed completely and nothing is what it was supposed to be, which is the only reason you came in the first place...the question is what do you do? How do you make the point that this was NOT the plan to this person without it being a pointless fight? You also realize its his money and he can do what he wants with it but you feel as though your entire life was changed for a lie. How would you approach it? I've brought it up a thousand times and so far nothing I've tried has made a dent so I obviously need to try something different, I am just at a loss as to what that might be. I'm pretty much stuck here, we live in a fairly rural area (you aren't taking a bus to the city) and he needs the only vehicle for transportation to work so I have no way to get my own job (which was fun for a while but is driving me insane at this point), yes it was my own stupidity that got me here but now what do I do?
2006-08-29 09:38:29 · update #1
this when you got to be a woman, get on them knees and pray for a way out. no matter what you need to get your own independence and own place. you're setting yourself up for a trap. talking about it isn't doing much justice so your next plan is action. plan on job hunting when he at work and pick him up once in a while. you don't have to reveal what you plan on doing. if you get a job ride with someone or if that's out of the question, i would start somewhere else and forget about him until you can be happy. you deserve to be happy. don't forget that. good luck and email me if you need support. i'm here!
2006-08-29 09:44:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Geez, I'm having to think about this one, trying to put myself in your shoes... Yes, it *is* his money, and, technically, he has the right to spend it as he wishes. That said, it's too bad he had misled you before; perhaps, at the time, he sincerely believed that *was* what he really wanted to do, but now he's had a change of heart? It may just be a "phase" he's going through. Or, it may be an indication of deeper problems in your relationship. Does he even want to be with you anymore? Do *you* want to be with him, or are you there because you have no other place to go? Be honest with yourself - do you feel that perhaps he just doesn't have the heart to tell you he wants to end this? There comes a time when one just have to say "enough is enough"; it's hard to break up with someone, and it's even harder to do it when you're out in the middle of nowhere, with no car, no job, perhaps no close friends. Maybe you have friends or family in the city you moved away from, who can help you while you're trying to get back on your feet, get a job again, etc? Or maybe you feel it's worth it to stick around, if there are other, good, things about this relationship? I hope, at the end you will make a good decision; good luck.
2006-08-29 10:20:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! You said it, your own stupidity got you where you are. You may not like this answer but here goes.
Fool! is the only word I can use to describe you if you spend another week with this loser. You need to pack up all your stuff and get out of that situation if you have to hitch-hike back home. This idiot is playing you for a fool. Get out, get out now!
You may have been foolish enough to get into this mess but you sound intelligent enough to get out of it. You owe him noting. When you are gone he will find another bimbo to take your place.
Throw everything in the car at night when he is asleep and "get outta Dodge" . Don't look back, don't feel bad about it, don't regret it. Just revel in the hope that you now have a brighter future. It is the best thing you can do for you.
Don't let him know where you are at once you land somewhere. Cut him off like you would a shark hanging onto your leg.
Start over, fresh, new, clean life without Bozo leaching off of you.
Good luck and God Bless,
2006-08-29 09:49:23 · answer #3 · answered by BP 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Other than giving up the job you had, you are no worse off now than you were the minute you joined him in the new location.
You have two alternatives, if you have any/enough cash. If no cash, you have one.
First, pack up and find a way to town. Take a bus back home, or find a room and a job.
Second. You can stick it out for 6 more months, go back home with him, and get out the best way you can.
You, no one, needs people like this in their life.
Absorb you lesson well. Always be sure that you have a job and/or a cash nest egg. Don't allow yourself to be at anyone's whim. He can put you in the street at will.
You deserve more than that. Leave now if you can.
2006-08-29 09:55:41 · answer #4 · answered by ed 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she should talk to s/o about the game plan and find out why it changed. If it continues not to suit her, since I gather they're not married, she has every right to move back to where she used to live - or wherever - so long as its far away from him. If she isn't happy, she has to realize that it's probably not going to change unless she does something about it.
2006-08-29 09:40:51 · answer #5 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is a relationship, i would ask what is in the future for the both of you, what are the new plans, etc. if acceptable, stay, if not, get out of dodge a quickly as possible... and don't look back!
2006-08-29 09:48:13 · answer #6 · answered by J j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is a very simple and easy answer....COMMUNICATION!
Communicate your needs, calmy respectfully and learn to make a compromise, that's what marriage is about. If he is unwilling to change his ways and you have communicated all you can and you two can't make any sort of a comprise, it's time to start waying your options, and let him no that, either something changes or your gone!
2006-08-29 09:43:25 · answer #7 · answered by shoes4me8888 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you pointed it out to him..reminded him of the plan? He sounds a little self centered. I might give him a chance to reel himself in then be gone. Good luck.
2006-08-29 09:41:12 · answer #8 · answered by sasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like this guy is a controlling jerk with no respect for you at all! i gave kudos to those whose advice i liked best, but sounds like you need to leave an NEVER EVER get back in contact with this *** again.
2006-08-29 10:07:52 · answer #9 · answered by josh/julie m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get in touch with family and/or friends. make arrangements to leave.
Your situaation does not sound like it's going to get better or that confrontation will help.
2006-08-29 09:50:17 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋