My fiance says no,,,,?

Question

I want a baby really bad but he wants to wait until we save more money I know he is right but these feelings are so strong. I always think about getting pregnant he will love it no matter what. What do I do?

Im 21 and he is 22 we both have great jobs and make enough to support a baby nearly 4000/month

Lottie are you on crack?? My fiancee adores me our waiting to get married is a mutual decision. I have considered tricking him but I wont because after much thought I realise he is right and I know he only wants to protect me and our future children. Maybe you are talking about your own life!But I WILL have my baby in the next 3 years. Call it what you want!

Answer 1

You might be surprised at how expensive it is to take care of a baby.

Are you planning on breastfeeding? If not, check out the prices of formula sometime.

Also, do you plan on using cloth or disposable diapers? Diapers are very expensive.

Do you have insurance? What portion of your pregnancy care with the insurance pay for? What amount are you likely responsible for?

Furthermore, though you both now have good jobs, will you continue to work after the baby is born? If not, consider how much less money that will mean for your family. If you plan to continue working, how much will daycare cost?

Having a baby is wonderful...when you are both ready. Having a baby is also very difficult, even for the most "prepared" couples. I advise taking some time to explore your craving for a baby. Respect your fiance's wishes to wait. In the meantime, offer to babysit other people's babies. Or, work out a plan with your fiance, so that when you save X number of dollars, you guys can start trying for a baby. It will give you a goal to work toward.

I empathize with you...my husband and I went through much the same thing. I am SO glad that we waited until we were more settled. It is still a challenge, but we are more prepared financially and emotionally to handle those challenges.

Good luck to you!

Answer 2

Why do you get so defensive?
You asked for opinions and people are telling you what they realy think.
You should listen and think, especially from those who have children and know.
Now, my opinion....
How long have you known each other? Give your relationship time to mature. Having a baby is a big decision. It sounds so romantic to have a baby, but at the same time it is a lot of work.
You cannot do this alone without his desire, and still be happy about it. It is his decision too.
Wait a few more months and then mention it again to him, if he says no again, try to understand why and also decide together about the time. Say: If you dont want kids now, will december 2007 be a good time? If he agrees then it is easier and will sound more acceptable to him ....when he has time to seriously think about the issue.

Also, he is right... if you plan and make a budget, then you will be more relaxed .

Take some time alone... Sit and ask yourself all these questions.
Be wise, honest with yourself and not emotional.
respect him and (if you chose the right person) he will love you more for not pushing him.
When he is ready, you will enjoy the pregnancy and motherhood a lot more . You will have his full support instead of a grumpy fiancee that resents you and the baby.
Take care...

Answer 3

Deciding to bring a baby into the world should be a "Joint-decision". I understand you having natural and very strong maternal instincts, but if your fiance is not wanting to right now, it's probably best to wait and find out why.

He might be afraid of losing his youth, freedom, and fun time! Once the 2 or you become 3, there's no more going out to the movies, or up and taking last minute trips! Everything has to be planned and revolved around that precious baby.
So, I would say that you definitely should wait until you know what his real reasons are for not wanting a child right now. Are you saving all that extra cash? With the cost of daycare and education now a days, you'll have to consider all of that. Also, once you start your family, you will have to think about how close you want your kids to be in age. Thus, putting more pressure on him to make enough to support all of you.
Have you thought about breastfeeding? Whether or not you'll go back to work immediately, or take a year off to bond and spend more quality time as a family. These are all very serious issues that will have to be addressed. At first it's all excitement, and joy... but it quickly can turn into a lot of stress, fear, and worry.
*Don't get me wrong, Children are a blessing from God, but he also gives us common sense so that we can make informed decisions. Good luck to you, and your fiance!

Answer 4

I waited until I was 34 to start trying. Although it took me almost a year to conceive, I'm glad we waited. I know so many people that regret having children young - not that they regret their children, just the time in their lives that they had them. I'm sure your fiance would love your baby if you had one. If he loves you enough to marry you, then of course he is going to love your baby. However, marriage can take some adjustment and having a baby takes much more adjustment. I would recommend waiting. Save some money, invest, buy a house, travel, have fun and enjoy each other's company because you don't have a lot of alone time when the baby comes. Under no circumstances allow yourself to get pregnant if he's not on board. That will put a huge strain on your relationship and could blow up in your face. Caring for a baby is much easier if both parents are ready and willing to share the responsibility.

Answer 5

WAIT!
First of all, if you are looking for permission to trick your man, you won't get it from me.
A baby is a BIG thing! It should AT LEAST be a shared decision.
Personally, I think children need married parents. Life is hard enough WITH 2 parents (and 2 sets of in-laws) who are both committed to a life with a child. If he won't marry you, why would you want to make him a daddy against his will?
This is not about what you want. This is about trying to fix your uncertain relationship with a baby. Will NOT work-will force him out the door, at a run!
He might love it, he might resent you and it for it's whole life.
Let the man wait until he is ready.
Have a baby with someone who wants to be with you forever.
And what is he waiting for to marry you? More money, not the right girl, bugging him to have a baby?
Sounds to me like you are very selfish and trying to manipulate to get what you THINK you want.
Instead, use your free time to volunteer at a children's hospital, coach soccer, teach the neighbor kids to play baseball, and you will do a good deed. You might find out if you want a baby or a more fulfilling life until you are in a better situation to have one.

Answer 6

Don't force it. If you two are engaged, what;s the rush? You have the rest of your lives (well 20 or so child bearing years) left. I am also guess at $4000 a month you do not have a house, 3 month savings (what if you are fired?), at least one car and job security. At 21, $4000 a month is good for two people. However, it's really not that much in the "real world".

Answer 7

I agree with him that you should wait. Reason being is that there's more than just the financials. Being ready mentally is tough too and physically, it's very taxing! Take time to grow and develop as a couple and remember that you do have a lot of time in front of you! I'm almost 25 and if I had a baby right now, I know my life would be super hard!

Answer 8

I believe you should wait at least one year after you are married. The Bible even says that a man and woman should wait at least one year after you are married to take that first year to get to know each other before you bring in another personality into a family. Remember this child did not ask to come into this world you choose to bring him/her in to this world so you owe this child the best start you can give him/her. Love , Security, and both parents that want the same thing. So wait for your future babies sake.

Answer 9

If you aren't financially able right now, I would really wait. Just be thankful he is interested in conceiving a child with you,unlike most men.lol. Just think of it the way I do, I want children bad too, but with my financial situation right now, I wouldn't be able to give it everything it deserved and needed. I want my baby to have the best, look the best, do the best, but if I'm not able financially,it can't have all that. Just take that into consideration. Hope this helps you!

Answer 10

You answered your own question...you are both young and healthy...you have plenty of time to have kids later...I am better prepared to be a parent in my 30's than I ever was when in my early 20's....enjoy your life with him now and get a home and do your own thing....family can come a few years later....sorry, but you should feel enough love for this man to marry him before you have children with him...if he is not ready to be a father, then give him that respect. and honor his wishes.