There is no perfect marriage. if you dare read this challenging view on divorce and give your opinion.?

Question

"THERE IS NO SUCH A THING AS A PERFECT MARRIAGE
My separated female friends cant have enough of asking me how I have being able to keep married to the same man for over thirty years.
I am not an expert on the subject, but I would have an answer of my own, and that would be just like this: nowadays divorce is UNAVOIDABLE, no one can escape it. No one can handle living with the same person for ever. I am on my third marriage myself – the only difference is that I have married the same man three times. My husband is already on his 5th marriage, as he has happened to pack his things to leave twice more than me. The secret of a marriage is not eternal harmony. After the unavoidable fights, the solution is to seek for balance, calm down and start again with the same man. The secret is to keep the marriage anew, instead of looking for a new marriage. The best strategy for salving a marriage is not to keep a ‘stable relationship’ but to change together. Every spouse needs to evolve, study"

Answer 1

The real secret to marriage? The relationship between your husband, you and GOD. Couples that pray together, stay together.

Answer 2

My Opinion:
No, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. But there are some that are quite close. For the most part, couples think love is a feeling. But, it's more, it is also a decision. Just as an alcoholic has to make a decision not to drink today, spouses have to make a decision to love one another daily in their own special way.
Couples sometimes quit on themselves. Divorce rates are ridiculously high. Is it because it's easier to give up than to work hard to keep the fire kindled. Anything worthwhile has to be worth an effort of some kind.

Answer 3

I was married at the age of 15 and my now ex was 17 we had three kids and after about 6 years we divorced he was cheating on me so at the age of 22 I met my new husband he was divorced with three kids we live together for 4 years we had 1 baby before we got married I've been with this man for 24 yrs not once have we ever brought up the word divorce he is my soul mate my lover my best friend to this day when I look at him or get close to him he still makes me feel the way he did when I met him we sit and talk all the time about any thing and every thing I love being around him the best thing about our life is that we have the Lord Jesus Christ in our life and your right you must change together and be forever blessed

Answer 4

I ABSOLUTELY AGREE with your last point. The way marriages and relationships work is that you must find someone with whom you will evolve together in such a way that you stay compatible. But you don't need a divorce for that. And there is such a thing as a good marriage (to me that is a marriage that doesn't end in divorce, and in which neither partner ever thinks about cheating). The way to get there is to have the right people, with the right attitude come together. You must share the same dreams for each other so that as you get to the place you want to be in life, so does he. And not only is he happy with where he is, but with where you are.

A couple must be a team. A team that will brave all through thick or thin. And a team that knows that your single other member is the most important thing in the world to you.

That's just my opinion. Cheers :)

Answer 5

As a child of divorce and a divorcee myself I do agree with you to a certain point. The important thing in finding a partner is someone who shares the same base with you. If you have similar beliefs, convictions and morals, you can go anywhere together. My husband and I have been together for five years now and we have a three year old son. We would never, and I mean never, end our marriage. Everything can be worked out if you truly love and understand each other. Nothing in life is perfect and everything is hard work.

Answer 6

Nothing is ever going to be perfect. Perhaps that's where your theory completely falls apart. You think a marriage has to be perfect to succeed. It doesn't. A good relationship is based on respect and compromise. It's a partnership, not a fairy tale.

Fights are not "unavoidable".
Divorce is not "unavoidable".

What are you going to do when you are 60? 70? Still going out there hunting for a fresh, new husband? I don't think so - I think you will end up lonely because of your shortsightedness and lack of ability to fully commit to a relationship.

Answer 7

Truly studying and evolving would prevent two previous divorces.

Something much more stable than working things out three or more times, it to not have to work things out at all, but to resolve them before it becomes 'just another divorce' in a long line.

If that's how you live, then another split can be just around the corner waiting for the next crisis; I'm happier having made 16yrs without any at all.

- Not perfect but close

Answer 8

There is a lot of good points here. I have only ever been married to one man, my mother was married 6 times. I always promised myself once was it! It helps that I am crazy about my husband, but if I may I would like to add a couple of things that keep us crazy about each other...talk!!!!!! talk about all the little things in your day...Laugh!!! Laugh at each other and with each other a lot. Fight! go ahead, but apologize naked if your wrong. Be thoughtful! put the seat back when you get out of the car, turn the air back on 30min before he gets home, make a big deal out of his birthday, tell him he looks good too..etc...Most of all never leave..if you fight don't leave (unless there is abuse involved then run)..I understand the point here you do have to grow together and it is a changing process! You have to build history and keep surprising each other too! Last but not least ..Truth..tell the truth especially when it comes to your feelings...tell the truth about what turns you on...tell the truth about money...tell the Truth! We all have to let go of a part of us when we get married. You have become someones wife or husband this should not be underestimated your first priority is no longer daughter, niece, party girl ...it is wife, nurturer, mother, best friend...besides that try leaving your soul mate...they always come back to you!

Answer 9

I say it is a very interesting point of view. My best friend's parents got divorced then remarried to each other as well. It really sems to work. But what about not actully going through the whole divorce process and just starting off new. Wouldn't it save a lot of money. That way you only pay for 1 wedding and 0 divorces. All in all, I think it's a good idea....

Answer 10

No one said there is a perfect marriage, however, I don't agree that divorce is unavoidable. Divorce is still a choice, and so is staying with your spouse. In order for the marriage to be successful, the couple has to have the same values about marriage. They both have to be working on the same goals. I agree that the couple has to change together, which brings me back to my point...the couple has to have the same values and goals about marriage in order to change together.

Answer 11

Perhaps you are right. I think its just about a decision NOT to quit and NOT to give up. However, you have to be dealing with someone who has enough moral fiber and character not to take advantage of your determination. I think if you are with someone without it what you see is they realize someone is determined not to give up and not to leave so they figure life is a party, its a free for all and they push and push because they know she/he is not going anywhere. In that situation you are hurting yourself if you stay and giving up the one chance you have on this planet. In your case each of you knows there are limits to how far you can push the other because even though you married each other again you DID walk away. I married 3 different men, all for different reasons, obviously none for the right reasons LOL! I don't think I'll ever do it again although I live with a guy now but luckily have been smart enough not to marry him! Good luck to you!