Do the people who don't like children should be counted as selfish people?

Question

My bf told me sth. like that,because I really don't like most of the children I see.Is that true?If yes why?If no why?

Answer 1

Well, I don't think you can sum up someone as selfish just because they don't like children for some undisclosed reason.

Some people are uncomfortable around kids, and you can be uncomfortable for MANY reasons (e.g., not knowing how to interact with them, fearful of what they might do, fearful of someone being responsible for the kid's safety, etc.)

Some people (myself included) who were extremely uncomfortable with kids as young adults become much more relaxed after having a family of their own. Basically, you just have to 'learn the ropes' and then you're comfortable because you know what to do and feel like you have authority.

But you're younger, and admittedly kids (especially depending on how they have been disciplined) can become pestering, loud, unruly, out of hand, uncontrollable, or simply demanding. That's just part of being a kid.

(There's also lots of good stuff about kids. It's a mixed bag.)

You just need to figure out why *you* don't like kids. Is it because they infringe on your time? Disturb the balance of your life? Take too much energy and time to look after? Are they too loud? Are you unsure how to interact?

It also doesn't help that women are nurturing by nature, so a woman who is naturally more detached, "colder," etc., often gets criticized unfairly because of her demeanor. Everyone is different.

Figure out your own motivations, and see what's reasonable for you to give and what isn't. Are you not giving as much as you could/should, or is it simply a matter of who you are, and you DO give -- not just as much as your bf? Not everyone is a "kid" person.

At the same time, accept that you're young, and things'll change as you get older, in terms of how well you can deal with kids, and how willing you are to deal with them.

Answer 2

Being selfish has nothing to do with liking or not liking children. Would you help a child if they fell down in front of you & obviously needed some assistance? If the answer is yes, then you are NOT SELFISH. If the answer is no, then I'd call that being selfish. Even a disabled person can assist a child in need by just staying close to them until other help arrives. You bf needs to learn what the meaning of selfish really is...a person who does not care about another person. He sounds like a manipulator who is attempting to control you through his words. Beware of people who try to get you to think differently without any sound reasoning behind them!

Answer 3

It all depends, sweetie. There's no such thing as being selfish for not liking children. Some people don't want to have them because, recognizing their lifestyle, they know they can't afford to have a child. Both the person and the child would suffer, therefore is better to avoid them. Others were treated with hatred since their early years and that's what they learned. There's a variety of reasons for which people don't like children, so it's unfair to encapsulate them all into a selfish category.

On the other hand, whomever said raising a child is easy or not sacrificed deserves to enroll on my list of kicks-to-go. There's kids that are obedient by default. There's others that are hipper enough to keep you busy and drive you nuts all day. None of them come with an instructions manual to help us out with them. Besides, being a parent requires a LOT of patience and tenderness, yet being firm enough to not lose them to the world's madness. So, if you recognize you don't have what it takes to be a mother, I think it IS selfish from your BF to pressure you into it. And is easy for him to say since usually the father DOESN'T stay home with the kid 24/7 like a mother does. Is so damn easy to speak about selfishness when you're all day out working and only get to see the child when he/she's already tamed and almost ready for bed. Tell that to your BF and see what he thinks. Not to mention he's NOT the one carrying and delivering it.

Answer 4

Some kids are likable, some are not. That's how it is. So it's perfectly normal not to take to some of them. The only thing I question is what you said in your comment about not liking MOST of the children you see. I have a son who feels the same way about most children that you do, and he tends to be a bit self-centered. I don't know if the two issues are related. In all other respects, he's a good, decent, kind person. That's as much as I can tell you.

Answer 5

I believe the OPPOSITE of that statement is true; people who HAVE children are selfish...if not arrogant.

Anybody who feels the need to pass his/her genes on to another generation is saying "my legacy is good enough to live on", and having a child is the best way of extending that. It's like trying to live longer (albeit only on a partial genetic level) vicariously through your offspring.

Now before anyone bashes me for thinking all people who have children are selfish, I will make another statement: propogation of the species is, in itself, a form of selfishness. Thinking/believing that we MUST create more of "us" is very arrogant, as well. Who/what has decided that it must be that way? Humans! Animals pro-create instinctually, whereas humans have the ability to CHOOSE whether or not to, despite what our instincts might tell us.

I, for one, dislike children, but I don't believe that makes anyone selfish; I just don't like them. I also don't intend to have any children of my own (at least at this point in my life), which is probably a sigh of relief to many reading this. I also believe that no couple (barring twins/triplets/etc.) should have more than two children; this allows them to carry on their "legacy", but also maintain the species without adding to the overpopulation going on already in some areas. And before anybody starts talking about how having only two children will cause a shift in the male-to-female ratio, remember that when it comes to HUMAN offspring, it's a 50/50 gamble whether it's a boy or girl, so in the long run there is bound to be a general equillibrium.

SO back to the actual question; No, I don't believe disliking children is selfish. Not sharing toys is selfish; taking the larger portion of pie is selfish; wanting everything for yourself while others have nothing is selfish. Would you call someone selfish because they don't like Pontiac cars? Or perhaps call someone selfish because they don't like the same kind of movies you do?
Doubtful.

Answer 6

No. Someone who has too many children or who has children when they don't really want them is a selfish person. Someone who doesn't like children and doesn't have children is simply smart.

Does your bf think that people who don't like cats or dogs are selfish? What about those who don't like milk? or tomatoes? or football? What is his basis for making such a blanket statement?

Sounds to me like he can't put together a logical argument for a statement that large... I'd consider finding a new bf... one who agrees with your views on children, preferably.

Answer 7

I was repairing equipment in a church one day during registration for summer Bible school, children were everywhere, screaming, crying, you know the scene. When things calmed down and the children left, the Pastor came in to ask of my progress. I asked him if something was wrong with me, and explained that as I get older I have less tolerance for children. Amazingly, his reply was, "I thought it was just me, I'm glad to see someone else feels the same way!" No, I don't believe you are selfish whatsoever.

Answer 8

You are entitled to your opinions. When I was ounger I never thought I'd have kids because of what I had seen with other people & how their kids were. Let me tell you having my daughter was THE BEST thing to ever happen to me. Yes I may have been selfish when I was younger but getting married and having a child created out of the love the two of us share has brought us such a beautiful well behalved and smart child. She is now 12 yrs old and I couldn't have asked for a better child. You dont know what your missing. (Mothers Love)

Answer 9

No not liking children has nothing to do with being selfish. It has to do with likes and dislikes. There are a lot of warm friendly people who do not like children but who are always ready and prepared to help others.

Answer 10

No, I do not consider it being selfish. Because They may have not bee raised in a family with kids and so do not know how to relate with other kids. I think your bf is the one being selfish because he seems to want just what he wants and doesn't consider anybody else's feelings.