I have been married for a while. I do everything for my spouse & their happiness. I go out of my way to make them comfortable, not because I have to but because I love them.
Yet I feel my basic needs are being ignored. My spouse has hobbies that are done without me...things I have done with them, but find no true interest in.
I have told my spouse many times what I need to be happy, all reasonable & I don't keep my needs for them to figure out. I am straight forward.
My spouse does it for a few days, then resumes to being ignorant.
I don't know what else to do. This negligence has left me feeling useless, unappreciated & depressed.
What more can I do to get them to realize I really need to be taken care of & acknowledged? (just as I do for them)
2006-08-29 08:41:21 · 18 answers · asked by ♣ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
okay...I tried to be neutral...in the respect that men & women aren't better than eachother. Thus referring to my spouse as 'them'. I am married to ONE man, I love him. I just don't want anyone to say 'that's the way men are' because it isn't.
I just don't appreciate the narrow minded responses about my concern. But I recoginze your need to be an english expert.
2006-08-29 09:31:48 · update #1
find your own interests that they're not involved in and give yourself a little "you" time to work on yourself and maybe consider couples counseling because it's obvious that they're not seeing how hurt you are.
2006-08-29 08:45:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you just have to accept that certain things about the person you married will never change. Focus on the positives, not the negatives; there were reasons you two got married in the first place - are these reasons still there? If your marriage is valuable for both of you, perhaps you could consider joint counseling; at times, a 3rd person perspective can help. Other than that, I don't know what else to suggest, perhaps the question is, are you better off with them or without them, and why?
(And no, you don't have to do "everything" for them; if they're selfish, you have to learn to be selfish too, it actually works better.)
2006-08-29 08:46:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would put a holt on the loving , nice and unappreciated things that you do for your spouse. Until your spouse can start acknowledging you and your feeling than why should you do it for your spouse. It sounds like you have been disappointed for a long time, and I hope that they find a way to care for you soon, before all respect for each other is lost. Good luck!
2006-08-29 08:46:59 · answer #3 · answered by Jules 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a make over. Start being unavailable. Men are unappreciative when you give them your all. I have a girlfriend that was like that and was totally unhappy. She got a divorce to prove her point. They remarried and are happier. Make your self unavailable and see if he notices the new you. Keep busy. Don't be depressed. Work out, change your look and then if he still doesn't budge someone else will. At that point I think that you'd have a decision to make. Counseling or Divorce.
2006-08-29 08:46:42 · answer #4 · answered by Lucy Lu 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Using terms like "my basic needs" without getting specific is unfair. Without specifics, a person is always guilty, as long as you don't feel fulfilled, happy, recognized, and or appreciated. Just what do you expect him to DO? Apparently, you don't enjoy his hobbies. OK. But, why is that his fault? Is he supposed to give up hobbies, if they don't interest you? Your husband can't make you happy. Only you can do it. It sounds like you read one of those relationship books, or took psych101. The terms sound nice, by really convey very little useful information.
2006-08-29 10:27:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must set the tone and he will follow. Stop spending so much time on him and focus on yourself. Leave the house for a long walk, take a bubble bath, give yourself spa treatments, buy a new book or schedule a fun class you want to take. You must take care of yourself first. It is nice to do things for your spouse but part of being an adult it doing things for yourself. Let him take on more responsibilty and you will have more time for you. You must show vaule for "you" and then others will follow.
2006-08-29 08:47:49 · answer #6 · answered by agentqt44 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sometimes, when you give people lots of attention, it causes them to want to rebel and take the attention you're giving them for granted, because they no longer feel challenged. i'm not saying to completely ignore your mate, but find other outlets that take your mind off of him, and then maybe he'll start appreciating you more. however, if he really loved you, then i would imagine that he'd be overjoyed at having you cater to him,and in turn he'd return the favor. i would ask him what is up,and also try finding other things to do than lick his nuts all day long then maybe he'll appreciate your attention.
2006-08-29 08:47:03 · answer #7 · answered by moneymakerchic 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your giving the kind of lifeless human beings, no longer the kind of Muslims who killed for 'their' God. We dont deny that there are loopy human beings belonging to our faith who do such issues. lots of the knowledgeable international is hardship-free with of by utilising now that each and one and all muslims arent like that, so please give up generalising and spend your 5 factors on some fruitful questions. perhaps you ought to attempt asking greater approximately Islam to comprehend no count if what such ppl are doing is surely Islam or no longer. Peace.
2016-10-01 01:30:17 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For me I do anything for my wife and my kids and my wife want to do something return and I told her no needs because all you can say i love you that all. Good enough for me... I don't need to return every time I give and the give back to me... no way. If they want to that fine but if not that fine.a nd Of course me and my wife and some hobbies are not the same but we have our own. mostly we have same hobbies to be with kids and have fun. smiling.
2006-08-29 08:53:19 · answer #9 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ohh i know what you mean...it was like that with me too for a long time until i got tired of it...I would do everything to please my husband, buy things for him , go where he wanted to go ...(his faily) and when i finally would think it be my turn ther was always something else...his friends were first , his family was first, dang i got tired...and i finally just told him or send him to do things alone while i went with my son and did things on our own...christmas , mothers day etc...i spend alone until he finally realized i was not going to put up with his bull anymore...now he ask me first what i want to do ...and its a much better relationship between us...sometimes you have to put your foot down... good luck
2006-08-29 08:50:31 · answer #10 · answered by liltexas36 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋