Questions for women, who can try to understand me before insulting me.?

Question

I have a relationship with a man, way older than I am. Let's say about twice my age, I LOVE HIM !!!! BUT, he is married. I would be the happiest woman alive if he was to leave her, but I do not want to destroy a marriage. I really love him, he is the nicest, sweetest, most loving , caring person that I have ever met. What should I do, fight for who I love, or let it go???
He tells me , "te quiero", but he is married, and no matter what, I do to show him my love, he tells me that I am confused, that he is too old for me that, i need someone my age. I am 21.

Answer 1

You are very young and are being duped with the same lies men have used to sucker women since marraiges began, don't feel too bad, you aren't the first one to fall for it and you won't be the last but since you asked here are the facts.

How can you really love him? You don't have a real life with him so how can you believe that you have real love with him? LOVE is a whole lot bigger than a couple of hours in bed every week. Especially when he himself is telling you he doesn't WANT your love (thats what 'you are confused' means!) If he doesn't want your love what do you think he does want? SEX!!!

You are the person he comes to visit when he wants to get off, I'm sorry but of course he is sweet to you....it takes NO effort to be sweet to you the here and there that he steals an hour or two from his family to see you...it would be a whole different thing if you were with him all the time. The fact that he is with you is a huge sign that this is a man who is seriously lacking character, morals, self discipline, self control, and is immature and lacking in impulse control, not to mention that he is a liar and is not capable of loyalty...these are facts, he HAS to have these characteristics in order to be carrying on an affair with you while still actively relating to his wife.

Make yourself a list of the things you really want in a man...are any of those on it? You also MUST remember that if they will do it with you they WILL do it to you. Right now you are fun, you are 'dirty', you are breaking the rules, you are what he is getting away with, and thats what it is for him, if he wasn't getting away with it..if his wife knew and he had to argue with her to see you do you think he would still bother? (NOT) If you were to become the wife that would all change and you WOULD become the one he cheats on and even though you have given yourself permission to do it with him it wouldn't be ok when he was doing it to you, and that is why relationships that start in infidelity fail 98% of the time! The other 2% just figure they deserve to be cheated on.

Do you really think he married his wife and didn't claim to love her, doesn't still claim to love her..I mean really do you think she would be sticking around if he was telling her the same things he tells you about her? Don't you think he told her she was the ONE for him? Don't consider his words, consider his actions, he MARRIED her, he has told you straight up that he is not leaving her for you so what exactly are you waiting for? I know it seems unreasonable but if you were to talk to his wife you would learn who and what this man really is. This is character and behavior of patterns, it is WHO he is and thats all their is to it! Now what you have to do is think about who YOU want to be..is this it? Do you really want to be someone who is sleeping with someone elses husband? Do you want to settle for a man who isn't really yours? Wouldn't you rather have a man that comes home to you everyday and shares your life, not just your bed? Could you tell your mom about this and not be ashamed of who you are? Good luck to you.

Answer 2

My dear, let this man go and get out of his life!!! First off, he is MARRIED! What future would you have with this man? You ARE the other woman. Second, that is too big of an age difference. He is a Father figure to you, that's probably why you feel safe and loved with him. Don't waste your time, even if you got together think about the physical changes that will happen just 10 years from now when he's 50 and you're 30. Take his advise, let him go and find someone that you can grow old together with, not one that's almost there already.

Answer 3

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Think about 20 years down the road. You've spent your best years on this man and he never leaves his wife and you my dear will have a harder time dealing with the residuals than you will ever know. You are giving yourself and him an easy excuse for your situation. You can and must leave him to his wife. If he really loved you, he would divorce her and marry you. He is the smarter of the two of you by saying you need someone your own age, but he is playing with your head by making you feel guilty and that my dear is the worst a man can do to a woman.

You're young, pretty and have the rest of your life to look forward to..........................be good to yourself and get on with your life! He is doing you a favor if you can only look at it that way. If you were to wait for him and marry him. He would be too old to want children and I'm sure you do.

I am older and I can tell you that I have wasted a lot of years on wrong men. I almost got to where I felt I wasted the best years of my life on nothing men, until the man I am with now came along. It took a long, long time until I finally started to believe that I deserved a good man. We all have our faults, but this man you are with is no good for you. Find someone else...single, somewhere closer to your age. Someone you can go off for a weekend with...have romance in your life. Our mates are supposed to be compliments to our lives not complications to our lives! Remember that one! I had to and it works if you keep saying it to yourself.

Answer 4

Aww cute story!
I don't really know what to tell you! From the outside looking in it sounds like he's not trying to leave his wife anytime soon. I think he is the one that is confused! I just had to let the one i love go because it wasn't working out! So i understand how this is a really hard decision! But like you said you don't want to be the one to break up a marriage .......so you shouldn't! Hey your still young you could find someone amazing your age! Like they say people want what they can't have!! Maybe you want him more because he's married? I think you should leave him alone,or have a talk and see if it's going to be her or you! You should never have to lower yourself to be "the girl on the side" !!
Good Luck hope I could help you out a little!!

Answer 5

You may love this man but you are being NAIVE if you think he will leave his wife for you. He just wanted something exciting and he met you. Sounds like now that your getting serious he is backing off. If he wanted serious he wouldn't do what he is doing to his wife. You don't want to destroy a marriage but that's what you are helping him do whether you want to or not. By saying he is to old for you is his way of hoping you will leave him so he can move on to another without looking like a bad guy. Really he is to old for you. He knows it and you should to. He had a fling with you and he would not do this to you if he loved you. Move on to someone who really cares about you. Don't be the other woman. You don't really want that. Its hard to break it off with someone you think you love but he doesn't love you. He needs to sort out his own life before he ruins yours. I hope you make the right decision. Besides if he left his wife would you really trust he wouldn't do the same thing to you when he got bored again. As DR. PHIL says A good predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Good Luck hope you do the right thing.

Answer 6

You are second best in his life. I would not want to be second best. He is not the nicest person or sweetest or most loving and caring. If he was all of these things he would not be messing around on his wife and using you as a toy. Learn not to love him and go out with your friends and have fun. It is not the age difference it is the marriage he is in that would bother me. I am not insulting you I am just telling you to find your own man.

Answer 7

(Without be insulting or rude, okay) But, don't you feel that you deserve more than that? If he really loves you, then you two would be together as we speak. Regardless of any age, you should'nt allow yourself to be used and treated like that. Have respect and love for yourself and know that you deserve better then being the little something on the side. Remember, he's a married man and the way you guys started is usually the way it ends-Karma. Move on, and learn from this experience.

Answer 8

If he really loved you, he wouldn't be married. You've asked this question a couple times before. Why do you think the responses will be any different when the situation remains the same? This man is married. He has a wife. He doesn't need you. He's stringing you along to make sure he gets everything he wants - that's why he's nice to you. Wake up and grow up. How sad!!

Answer 9

If you do not want insults then don't post on here. Most people that do go on here, are either married or have been and understand what being MARRIED means. Obviously you do not understand that. Go ahead chase that man! I hope that when you do get married somone does the same thing to your man!


ps if you really did love him as you say then you would leave him alone seeing as he has already made a SERIOUS commitment to another women.

Answer 10

Honey let that man go, he's not worth fighting for.. Always remember if they cheat with u then they can and will cheat on u. Besides u way too young for these kind a drama. Ask urself this question, how would u feel if ur husbnd was havin an affair with a girl 1/2 ur age???