hi,ive just found out my wife hasnt loved me in along time but kept things happy cos of the kids,she wants the divorce,about a wk later she,s been seeing a lad friend just to talk to behind my back,why the secrecy
2006-08-29 07:29:10 · 14 answers · asked by GEOFF R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the secrecy is because of the way she feels you will react. if she wants a divorce then give her one and move on
2006-08-29 07:33:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry to hear that. Many couples will remain in a relationship for the sake of the children or other reasons when they no longer in love with each other the same. Its sad but true.
I'm sure your wife in her own way has tried her best over the years to make your relationship work, and not just for the sake of the children either. However, sometimes people's feeling's can change but that does not necessarily mean that a third party is involved to change them.
I know of several marriages that have broken-up simply because one or the other has fallen out of love with their partner or they simply dont feel the same about them and do not feel that they can continue living with each other for years and years, while others are ok about living in a loveless marriage or a marriage of conveyance or pretence. Is that what you would rather have, a marriage of pretence? live with someone who no longer loves you the same? I think not.
It takes courage for a partner to admit that they dont feel the same about their marriage, and while the news can sometimes be a shock to the system, people don't say that kind of thing for nothing. Your wife is trying to be honest with you and may well realsie that both you and she will be better off separating or disolving your marriage. There's NO point in living with someone who no longer loves you the same, it would only make you feel even more miserable and unappreciated and would only put off the inevitable.
Its far kinder to admit how she feels and allow you both the freedom to find another partner, and one that will really love and appreciate you, you deserve someone who really does loves you not someone who doesnt feel the same.
I wouldnt bother too much about the lad friend because even if she was having a relationship with this guy, its obvious she felt differently about you years ago.
People just don't wake up one morning and decide they dont want to be married any longer or suddenly decide to end a marriage because someone else has entered their life. Most marriages in this kind of position, has usually broken down in some aspects, well before a decision was taken to end the marriage.
Bear in mind, not all marriages or relationships are ment to last and I think you have got to accept that your marriage is over and you have to move on with your life, and through time, I'm sure you will find someone more deserving of your love.
Good luck
2006-08-29 13:00:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey if she wants a divorce there is not much you can do. As far as talking to the lad friend she is the only one who can tell you why she has not mentioned it. Divorce can be rough on all sides even though she wants it, she might just need someone to talk to and that is what the lad friend is for. Sorry about the divorce.
2006-08-29 07:37:12 · answer #3 · answered by middle aged and love it 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she hasnt loved you for a long time,why waste your love on her?Do you think she has been unfaithful?usually gut instinct is right.Move on ,its hard ive been through it you'll have many sleepless nights and many tears but in the end its worth it find yourself a good woman than can love you the way you deserve and hey single dads are an attractive bonus doesnt matter how old the kids are.women like a nice homely type guy to love and protect them and theirs.Get on myforeignbride.com hundreds of women looking just for a guy like you.Theres a life out there for you grab it with both hands .One day she may have regrets about her decision but by then you will have moved on and met the true love of your life and you can look back at her and think what the hell was I doing with her in the first place.
2006-08-29 12:08:51 · answer #4 · answered by candyfloss 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave her,u deserve better than her.staying together just for the kids was wrong of her,she shud of been more of a woman and told u how she felt from the beginning.as for the secrecy tho,i think she may b hiding sum thing?cud she have been having an affair?i hope not,confront her and find out.then give her a divorce and move on.good luck hunny.
2006-08-29 10:12:41 · answer #5 · answered by mizz1985 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that! She should of respected how you would feel along time ago and stepped up to the plate and told you! Using the kids for an excuse is cowardly! Give her a D. She doesnt deserve you!! I sure wouldnt want to be with my husband if he's been with someone else. How selfish she is! Hope it all works out for you!!!
2006-08-29 07:37:06 · answer #6 · answered by harleygirlnj 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who knows it maybe just that, a friend but she may also be seeing him. It now has little or nothing to do with you. This is her choice and you are making it harder on yourself to think you can change or convince her. I am so sorry if this sounds hard but the fact is you now get on with you life. Begin again be all of the things you regretted not doing when you were single. Life has given you a clean plate.................. Good luck
2006-08-29 15:11:59 · answer #7 · answered by i.needitall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shes is not just talking. Don't be naive.
Give her the divorce and move on.
For every heart break, for every cheating wife there is a woman out there that will love you and cherish you.
Do not EVER settle for less!
2006-08-29 07:38:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey you! That happened to me, I got out of it dam quick, no it is not easy, but you have to face it and deal with it, you have one life to live and one love to give okay, make sure the love you give is deserved! Live long and prosper!
2006-08-29 11:20:37 · answer #9 · answered by Latin Techie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it might be called 'leading a separate life,' which we are prone to do when relationships crumble like that.
Sorry.
Sash.
2006-09-01 15:08:25 · answer #10 · answered by sashtou 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋