http://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=2238562
I wrote it and I really need honest opinions and advice on improving.
2006-08-29 07:01:02 · 9 answers · asked by Duncan R 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
It has potential - great imagination.
However, lots of spelling and grammatical errors. Do use spellcheck!
For example -
3rd line - comma after Well,
2nd paragraph
gather in a place called .... (1st line)
imminent spelt wrong (2nd)
pray, not prayer
too, not to
tunnelled (two "l"s unless you are from the states)
You get the picture.
Go for it, you're on the right track!
2006-08-29 07:14:53 · answer #1 · answered by 675 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not bad- some of the speech sounds contrived- the main character seems to speak in a weird way. The opening has some strange moments too- why would anybody specify 200 years for example. Like I said though, not bad, and worth continuing with.
2006-08-29 15:20:07 · answer #2 · answered by Oracle Of Delphi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At a glance, you're using words and expressions sometimes that jar horribly with your setting. (I'm pretty sure the word "munchkin" is very anachronistic, for example. And maybe "You're in charge" is more historically generic than "You're the boss.") On the other hand, you're already ahead of many people who say they want to be writers, because you've grasped the basics of the craft side of things -- you use paragraphs and punctuation and decent spelling, and nary a bit of "chat speak" abbreviations to be seen in the whole thing. Good for you!
2006-08-29 14:53:32 · answer #3 · answered by Frey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's really good so far! Far better than any crap that I've posted on FP.net , anyways =P
Your grammer and spelling is good, I didn't see any mistakes. Though I think you spell it 'iPod' instead of I-Pod. Your plot line flows nicely, though I think you could use more paragraphs.
If you need a beta, just ask! =P
2006-08-29 14:06:50 · answer #4 · answered by inner_bakura101 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can also submit the story to some other sites that allow readers to critique it. There's plenty of them out there, but one site is www.authorspost.com for example
2006-08-29 16:58:09 · answer #5 · answered by horrorreader 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your talking about the question then you should try to explain the question more and then maybe you'll get more answers
good luck though
2006-08-29 14:09:05 · answer #6 · answered by sammy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well done, they say that everyone has a book within them!
2006-08-29 14:44:35 · answer #7 · answered by Sky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good story keep it going
no spelling mistakes
good grammar
2006-08-29 14:11:21 · answer #8 · answered by paulette7618 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i hope you have a good day job...
2006-08-29 14:13:29 · answer #9 · answered by lost_in_the_desert 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋