My boyfriend had an uncomfortable discussion on Sunday about our relationship. I asked him what he thinks about us and how he feels about us and if he sees this relationship going further. He got a little stressed about it with me as he said to me that I always need to ask him this and he said that he isn't sure yet. He then told me that he needs time to think about his career, our relationship, his future and so on. I am so scared that I might have pushed him away from me? He has pulled away from me and he isn't as attentive to me as he was a week ago? He is very stressed with his job situation at the moment and he said that I am only adding to his stress? I am really not sure what should I do now? When I was leaving his place, he didn't even suggest when to meet next and we don't live in the same city. What do you think?
2006-08-29 06:30:30 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
give him some space then ring him and ask in a casual manner how work is doing.
2006-08-29 07:44:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound the type of person who needs a lot reassurance and who gets scared of losing him very easily. There is nothing wrong with this and a lot of people share those same insecurities when they have a disagreement with someone they love. Other people are very different, however, and construe those insecurities as being "needy." These types of people often react very differently to having a disagreement with someone they love. They may simply need space & a chance to process everything that just happened. It's two different personality types.
Give him some space, and let him figure out his feelings. He's probably confused & trying to think things through. We all get like that from time to time, and I think you should try to be understanding of what he's feeling inside, and try not to react so negatively. I know that's easier said than done a lot of times, but I think it's important to learn if you want this relationship to be sucessful
On the flip side, he should also be more understanding of the fact that you are insecure at times, and that you need reassurance. He may or may not be able/willing to do this for you. If he's not able to do this for you, then it will be up to you to learn to overcome your insecurities on your own in order to prevent pushing him farther and farther away.
Is either way "right" or "wrong"? *shrugs* Who knows. I think it can be debated a couple different ways. I tend to break things down to very simple terms. He will either end up giving you what you need, and you him, or not. You two will either be happy & last or you won't. There's no use in fretting over it, and making yourself even more upset. All you can do is be the best you know how to be.
Good luck.
2006-08-29 06:58:28 · answer #2 · answered by coolnessa8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people get really stressed and they really do not know what to do with their or in their life. I dont think you pushed him to far. You were feeling a certain way and just wanted to know. But I do think that he needs some time to think. You should give him some space. Let him get his thoughts together and when he is ready he will call you and let you know. What ever he decides you have the right not to feel uncomfortable. Sometimes a little time is all a person needs to figure things out. Hope it works out.
2006-08-29 06:39:40 · answer #3 · answered by jam_psb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything will be fine.Just give him some space.He is going through a bad phase and needs to un wind himself from it.But think you asked the question at the wrong time.So he retaliates and took his anger and frustration on you by answering he is not sure yet and he needs time to think about his career, his relationship,his future and so on.Be cool.He wanted some peace and space.Since you left him no choice he took his anger by just emotionally hurting you and making you feel insecure about the relationship.It was meant just to scare and make you panic.He had his revenge.Now just relax and give him some space so that he can think about his job situation and unwind himself.Dont contact him for some time.Since he was really put off by your question his response to you was not suggesting about the next meeting.So dont worry he will definitely come to you,infact he will come to your place to surprise you once his job situation gets better.In case if you had noticed in his answer to your question he needs "TIME" to think about career,relationship and future.So remain calm and cool.If you are working concentrate more on it and just dont think of this matter at all. Its usual tiff between lovers.Just allow him space.let him take his own TIME and definitely he will spring a great surprise.Surely he will be missing you like hell.Dont worry.Good luck.
2006-08-29 07:13:41 · answer #4 · answered by rajan kumar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should give him his space. By the looks of it you are pushing him away without you knowing. Remember your relationship is not base on only what you want. Have you ever asked him what he wants out of it? If he has too much on his shoulders don't put more! Time will tell if it's meant to be but for now show him you care be their for him. I think it's great he's thinking about his career. Now in days you need a great career to support a family It's good he is thinking ahead of time. Good luck to you wish you the best.
2006-08-29 06:46:54 · answer #5 · answered by hazelshine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't like to sound so negative but maybe this is the end of his rope. He probably feel juggling this relationship and his stressful job is too much. Ask him if he needs some space and time. Hopefully this is all it is, and perhaps he can think things through and piece himself back together. Now to you, I say don't worry too much because you are just a concerned girlfriend, you aren't doing anything wrong. Suggest space and see what happens.
2006-08-29 06:36:01 · answer #6 · answered by Golden Scepter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you're going through. Although, my ex-boyfriend was the one who was insecure and needed reassurance in the beginning and then broke me down to where I needed him, dumb mistake.. One thing that I learned is that with some men (not all of them) they have a very hard time expressing feelings. My ex had a A-Type personality and was a very moody person, so getting something across to him and him saying I understand was not going to happen. Don't do what I did and sulk in your pitty. Pull yourself together, get out, grab the girs, and if he calls then so be it. Don't let him think your sitting home thinking about this or that he got the best of you. Live it up girl!!
2006-08-29 07:51:21 · answer #7 · answered by Kit Katt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's probably not anything you did at all. I know this is harsh but he probably wants to break up. He might be seeing someone else. Guys say things like this when they want to break up with you but they don't have the guts to come out and say it. Don't push him. Tell him you'll just leave him alone until he decides what he wants. Then hang out with your friends, throw yourself into your work or school and don't obsess about him. Let him come to you. If you don't hear from him again he's not interested and you're better off without him. And you'll be free to meet someone even better.
And when guys say "I got scared" it's a big fat lie!
2006-08-29 06:37:02 · answer #8 · answered by Peri 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt worry too much at the moment. It sounds to be that maybe this guy doesnt like/isnt used to talking about his feelings or relationships. Have you ever read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? If not then buy it! You will see that alot of men are completely differnet to us women and they do not think or react the way we do. I should know my boyfriend is one of them!! he probably needs time to himself, to shut himself away in his cave but he will be ok again I bet you. What works for me is when I leave him to it, dont contact him and just wait for him to contact me and be a bit cool with him and not talk about emotional stuff and when he does just ignore it but still remain a bit upbeat i.e. dont act angry. I bet you he comes running then!
2006-08-29 06:35:49 · answer #9 · answered by L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SORRY !!!
As a man.., in my latter 40's.., Answering is simple.
He, like SO ,SO MANY young guys like to have the fun with no responsibility.., to themselves or you !!
If the two of you worked well together ,as a couple, then the simple pleasure of your company would alleviate some of the "stress". I feel that he is copping-out.., dis-owning the responsibility that as a couple you share in making decisions.
Sounds like his maturity level is what was being challenged.., not his STRESS !!!
2006-08-29 06:40:57 · answer #10 · answered by bigbill4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay away from him for a couple of days .. dn't call and give short but sweet answers when he calls then hang up after saying that you have millions of things to do without mentioning what you have
he will be back soon because he will feel that you have your life and many things which are more imp than him
good luck
2006-08-29 06:36:11 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋