Sexless Marriage?

Question

My Husband and i have been married for 26 years i am 46 he is 66
we have been having problems because he only wants to have sex
every 2 or 3 months and i am really fed up with this situation that i have decided to move into the spare bedroom permanently because he will only do this when i complain and then he says ok let do this today and i feel really hurt becuase he only does this to shut me up.
we have talked about divorce and he will agree to it if this is what i want but i am not sure if i really want this because i feel bad for him because besides not having sex he is very good to me and treats me with lots of love and respect and since he is now retired he cooks and clean to help me out.
i really dont know what i feel for him anymore if its pity or love.
any advice will be greatly appreciated.

thank you all for your answers you are correct i did marry him and vows are important to me and i will talk to him and assure him of my love for him.
ho does have Viagra but i think he is just really depressed because out youngest daughter moved out and he has no hobbies or intrest outside our home and he just retired and is probably just adjusting to all of this changes so i will just have to be patient.

Answer 1

Hi,
I can relate to your question, but first has he tried Viagra or another stimulant? Did he ever explain why he was never in the mood? I don't think that you should have moved into the spare bedroom because it seems like you are punishing him for something he may not be able to control. He obviously loves you and wants you to be happy. Does he suffer from depression? Have his thyroid checked out- it could have something to do with it.
Let me tell you about my story: I am only 27 and my fiancee is 30 and he has no sex drive- just once every 2-3 months like your husband and it really bothered me because I thought that I did something wrong or I was unattractive. In January of this year, my fiancee went for a physical and it was discovered that he had Stage 4 throat cancer. I thought that I was going to lose him, but he beat it. He is on so much pain medicine that we haven't had sex for 8 months! But I realized that his love (and the promise of upcoming sex) was the only thing that made me whole in this world. Before you divorce your husband you must really examine if you could live without him. If it is pity (is there a reason why it would be?) then I think a divorce is the best thing for both of you. Please let me know how everything goes and if you have any questions or comments, email me at [e-mail].
Best wishes!

Answer 2

You've been married this long why would you just up and divorce because of sex problems. He is probably depressed now that he is older and his ding-dong don't work like it used to. See if you can get him to take Paxil or Viagra. Not trying to make a joke, I really mean this. Maybe you should also buy some sex toys.

Answer 3

How do the 2 of you feel about polyamory or swinging? There is no reason to give up 26 years of marriage. Talk about your options. Surprisingly there are plenty of men who prefer to be with married women and can be in a position that is NOT threatening to your husband. Swinging usually connotes an extra-marital sexual relationship where falling in love outside the marriage is seriously frowned upon. Polyamory is about maintaining multiple loving relationships, multiple spouses (spice). Seriously considering a change from monogamy to an open relationship may be enough to get him more interested in you -- just continue reminding him it's Him you want to be with.

Answer 4

You basically have to tell him how you feel. He is at an age where sex is no longer important to him and you are still at an age where sex is. If he is a good man I wouls suggest that you keep him because if you look at it you'll never be able to find a perfect man. Seems to me the only thing he lacks is not being sex driven. Ask him what turns him on, What makes him feel good and what you can do to make him want to have sex with you more often.

Answer 5

You married a man 20 years your senior! What did you think would happen to his sex drive late on? Oh wait you didn't!! Your still very sexual he is not that is to be expected at his age in fact many men his age don't even get an erection as often as your getting it! You married him for better or worse sickness and health! This fits that! Because your selfish sexual desires are not being met you want to end 20+ years of marriage to a good man (as you say) Girl your being selfish! Buy a vibrator and cherish those moments you are intimate! Learn to cuddle hold hands etc! Quit being selfish!

Answer 6

Go get a rabbit. This is the best TOY ever!!! He can use it on/with you and he might have an erge to give you some. Also has he been to a doctor? Try suggesting that since there are so many new drugs on the market now.

Answer 7

I hope that i do not get that way at 66. I'm not all that far away.
There is a concept use it or lose it. You might suggest that it is important to you and it would be in part on his good personality to want to take care of business.

Answer 8

He's 20 years older then you. Libido decreases with age. Also does he go to the doctor for regular check ups? Prostate problems can reduce a mans ability to perform and psychological this effects his desire as well.

Answer 9

i think it's the age difference. He's 66, maybe the sex drive is lower. Try to spice things up a little or have him try viagra... maybe to him sex isn't anything. Everyone shows love in a different way. Try asking him why he isn't in the mood for it when he's constantly getting u hot & bothered.

goodluck

Answer 10

Maybe he has a medical issue and is to embarressed to talk about it, i don't think lack of sex is a reason to get a divorce but that is only my opinion, look at all your options before you consider that like counseling or viagra