I dated someone for almost 4 years and I caught him (literally) cheating on me with another girl in the bed we had shared. Is this a big deal to happen to someone? It has been almost a year since and I am doing much better. But I was wondering if this is something that can be very traumatic to a person? Or was I overeacting? You hear a lot of people talk about stories like that and see it in movies, but does it rarley ever happen to people you actually know?
2006-08-29 06:15:11 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
It happens all the time, I still have trust issues w/ my wife because of my ex's behavior. I do my best to blow it off, so it does interfer w/ my current happy relationship.
2006-08-29 06:18:59 · answer #1 · answered by Migity696 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happens all the time to people, it's not rare at all...unfortunately. It can be traumatic to some and not so hard on others. It all depends on the person and how long or what kind of relationship you have with them. If I've only been with the person for a month, yes it would hurt but I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. Now if it is someone I've been married to for 10 years....I'm gonna go psycho on him and the b****! Anyways, it will always be hurtful no matter what the situation. As long as you know there are millions of people out there that aren't like that and don't ever compare ex's and current love interests in this situation either. No 2 people are alike. Hope that helps you some!
2006-08-29 13:25:06 · answer #2 · answered by mageta8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you watch Dr. Phil? The society is not a homogeneous one when it comes to beliefs & practices around human sexuality... before long-term involvement, couples should get very clear and honest about their expectations and desires for the relationship.
My belief is to spell out just how intense and strong are the levels of committment by each "member." Would your partner go through a gruelling physical test like swim five miles to keep you? What would you realistically do for your partner... some people "connect" just because they fear being alone, and convince themselves, at least initially, that there is intensity & real love in the relationship. Ask yourself, on some contentment & happiness index (of your own making, if necessary), what is your general & overall level that you "enjoy" in your life? While relationships cannot be all "fun and games," there must also be some deep abiding affection and respect... otherwise your relationship MAY be built on "lies" - a veritible "house of cards."
After this happened, you and your partner should have gone in for relationship counselling. If it "happens" again, you only have yourself to blame... if he wants to "optionalize" & maintain an "open" relationship, then all that should be spelled out up front... At very least, you should be under no delusions about the nature & value levels of the relationship!
2006-08-29 13:41:34 · answer #3 · answered by cherodman4u 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can top yours, I lived with a guy for 7 and half years, we were engaged for 6 months of that and honestly lived the fairy tale life. I thought i had finally found my prince charming! then the Sh*t hit the fan, I came home after working 10 hours to find him crying on our bed. I asked what was wrong,I thought his mother was ill, he cried I love someone else! Not that he though he loved her but that he did love her. Making along story short he wouldn't listen to me and make sure that he wanted that to throw away all we had built in 7 and half years, he moved out with her(she wasn't even divorced yet) that lasted 2 weeks she went back with her husband. He then called me and said he hoped we could be friends...DUH! Well I have a nice 3 carat emerald cut diamond and a house out of the deal! But my heart honestly broke that evening I felt it!!! So don't think its a done deal ever! Guys don't know what they want! they never will!!! I have been hurting for 3 years now and it doesn't get any better when you were truely inlove!
2006-08-29 13:26:05 · answer #4 · answered by tankgirl_84 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a huge deal! No, you did not overreact! If he thought you wanted an open relationship, he should have spoken to you when you first started dating. Instead he was sneaky and there's no telling how many others there were. He was wrong for sleeping in your bed w/ another woman. Stay strong and keep moving on w/o him. Good luck.
2006-08-29 13:29:01 · answer #5 · answered by decababe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is a big deal. Especially if you walked in on them in action. I had this happened to a fried of mine, and it did take her a very long time to get over it and actually trust any other guy. She had gone and seen a therapist too, which did seem to help her. You might want to consider talking to someone to get your anger out.
2006-08-29 13:21:50 · answer #6 · answered by roopalee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It never happened to me personally and if it had it would have been a big deal to me, end of the relationship! I wouldn't have been able to trust him again. But that's me and my individual response to your question. But if you're happy then that's OK because that's what it's all about!
2006-08-29 13:25:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it's a BIG deal. A 4 year old relationship was just shattered due to cheating. He CHEATED on you. You should teach him a BIG lesson, torment him, make him yearn for you and then dump him!
2006-08-29 13:22:53 · answer #8 · answered by Babygirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is the tedency of men to avail the opportunity. Women do the same but to very little extent. You must keep this reality in mind so that you don't get hurt badly.
2006-08-29 13:28:08 · answer #9 · answered by jikg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just hope you arent with him anymore. I dont know Ive never had that happen to me
2006-08-29 13:19:45 · answer #10 · answered by wilowdreams 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋