I feel very bad because I have seen some of my daughter's friends changing and behaving in a very selfish and spoiled way, which drives me crazy! I can't get involved because It does not bother her, and it is her life not mine, but it is making me want to ring a kids neck and that is just not like me. I know they are going through hormonal issues, but I'm a woman and understand hormones are big, they always will be in my opinion but I don't think we need to teach our daughters to make that an excuse to be a butt to people. Is anyone else experiencing this, or am I losing my mind for feeling this way.
2006-08-29 06:10:43 · 21 answers · asked by ME O 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
When her friends are gone, bring up something that one of them said or did and ask your daughter what she thought of that (very calmly, like you really want to know). Don't be judgemental, just bring it up for discussion to make sure your daughter discovers on her own that the behaviour was unacceptable, not because you told her it was- do you see where I am going with this? Once this is conscious in her mind she will begin to notice other negative comments and/or actions her friends make and be able to judge for herself if she wants to be around them.
2006-08-29 06:18:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going through the same thing with my 11 year old daughter. We sat down and had a long talk. Not sure it soaked in or did any good. I would love to here what other say too. One of those friends has already gotten in trouble the first week of school. I don't know how to impress upon her that I hate the way her firends treat people. I am trying to get her involved in outside activities such as volunteering at the local animal shelter and make a sort of break from these girls. It may be her life, but I feel like we are here to guide them and protect them. At 11 they still don't know all the right from wrong stuff - just my opnion! Lets hope folks here have some good advice. Thanks for asking the question!
2006-08-29 08:23:20 · answer #2 · answered by Yvonne D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All kids become selfish and self-absorbed when they start to grow up. In some ways, it is a necessary thing as they learn to form their own identities as separate from their parents. But you are right, these girls should not be taught to use hormones as an excuse to behave badly. If it really is that much of a problem for them, they need medical help for it; otherwise, they need to learn to treat other people decently even when they are having 'hormonal moments' or whatever they want to call it.
So no, you're not losing your mind. You have the right to expect your daughter's friends not to behave in a spoiled way (at least when they are around your daughter and in your home -- you can't control what their own parents let them get away with).
2006-08-29 06:18:54 · answer #3 · answered by Red 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget what paolo said and very insensitive to your situation.
I have the same thing with my 11 year old boy. My son, while he has Autism, has a friend that has ADD at school. I've known the boy for a while, he and his mother, but don't like the way he's been behaving when we visit. He's antagonist to my son and the mother does nothing about it.
The thing is, my son is extremely immitative in what he sees others do. Which is a bad thing considering he has Autism and doesn't understand everything.
If you're not feeling good about your daughter's choice of friends, there's a reason. Have you tried sitting your daughter down and talking to her about this? You don't have to say you don't like them, that will put her on the defense, but discuss the behaviors you've seen and try to get her to talk about it. The less non-accusing you can be the better.
2006-08-29 06:19:30 · answer #4 · answered by Voice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom had the same problem when I was in middle school. The friend I had was getting into trouble with the law and she was only 11. My mom knew if she forbid me not to see her it would just cause problems so she let it go and tried real hard to trust me. There are always going to be people in your daughters life you don't get along with or approve of what they are doing. All you can do is have faith in the way you raised your daughter, know that you have taught her all the values you think she should have and hope she makes the right decisions in life.
2006-08-29 06:20:32 · answer #5 · answered by Animal lover 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not experiencing that, but I have a little tip for you. Mother's always know best. And I believe that is true in every situation. If you don't feel like she is being the person that she needs to be, it is your responsibility to take charge and help her. I have a four year old, and I have tried to encourage even her to make good decisions, and to be respectful of everyone. No matter what people do to you, I believe that you should kill them with kindness. It will work in every situation. If you have a bad feeling about the people that she is running around with, you have a right as a mother to do something about it. Encourage her to make new friends. And if that does not work, forbid her to hang out with the one's that are not good for her. I know that she will be mad at first, but she will thank you later in life. It will all work out in the end.
2006-08-29 06:16:43 · answer #6 · answered by Sarah 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not losing your mind. My daughters are now 31 and 28, and both happily engaged. When they were about the same age as your daughter they had friends (and I use the term loosely!) who were into all kinds of unpleasantries. I remember from my own wild youth that I believed my Mum knew nothing, she nagged at me so I gave up talking to her, which meant that I went places she knew nothing about, and on one or two occasions only got home by the grace of god.
With my two I used my wiles a bit. I read their diaries and kept schtum, but I invented a 'friend' who worked in a clinic, who I sometimes met for coffee, and she would tell me all kinds of useful things, which I could just drop into a conversation, without any accusations, and it's surprising how many books I got 'free' with a magazine, or 'found on the bus', all of them with heroines going through the same problems as them.
The most important thing is to keep her talking to you, even if you have to bite your tongue through to keep from yelling. Make sure that she trusts that she'll never hear the words 'I told you so' coming from your lips. You'll both be fine.
2006-08-29 06:34:38 · answer #7 · answered by Juliet H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She does has melancholy or some form of character illness for the reason that its been occurring for the reason that she became so little. those form of issues shouldnt be getting her down as much as they are so it makes her think of extra worse of herself and makes her experience extra hopeless. you pick a real psychologist no longer a college coounselor if thats what youre making use of. a professional in self injury and undesirable esteem and issues like that would desire to be suitable. paradoxically interior the song industry you dont easily might desire to be that sturdy a singer those days for the reason that various artists use various autotune yet easily with vocal education/education and training her voice might get extra useful yet you will pick a expert for that. in spite of if she cant sing that cant end her from writing. in certainty the trick to having a profession thats relaxing is to look in any respect the various categories of jobs then %. all the solid ones out of those so as that way no rely what her potential or weak spot is she might ultimately land up in something relaxing. She sounds form of immature approximately that artwork ingredient except youre talking approximately her classmates and not her, i've got been given somewhat perplexed there. yet even then the resentment for a ten 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous is definitely unusual and immature. of direction i'm hoping this isnt the case in spite of the shown fact that it particularly is attainable something befell to her that she didnt make it easier to comprehend and that would desire to be why she acts like this.
2016-09-30 03:23:36 · answer #8 · answered by wichern 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not wrong to feel that way because parents get a feeling about a certain child and they are right.
I was in a similar situation with my son who was 12 at the time and he had a friend who come over almost everyday. At first I thought that he was a cool kid, then I started to see that something was totally wrong with him. WHY!!! Because he would come over on school days, he didn't care if it was raining, snowing, he would come over. I would see him running the streets during school hours and I would asks him why he is not in school. He would say that he didn't feel like going, so from that point on I told my son I do not want you hanging out with this boy...
The following year he got left back and I told my son, you see what I was trying to tell you...
2006-08-29 07:45:53 · answer #9 · answered by Vicky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the PARENT!
Your 11 year old daughter does not have the living experience that you have!
If you do not like what you see, change it! If you do not like the company that she is keeping, change it.
You do not have to consider feelings when you see negative issues concerning your child!
Too, if you do nothing about it you are one poor excuse of a parent/mother!
Too, the excuses you have written calls into question if you are mature enough to be a parent/mother!
That is a major part of today's children's issues, people like your self that make excuses instead of parenting their children, allowing the child to be the decision maker, letting the child do what it wants to do.
That is part of the reason 13 year old children are writing to this forum about sex, as in looking for a partner.
2006-08-29 06:26:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋