My wife had an affair with her best friend (female) ... more in text?

Question

My marriage has been cool for years and during arguments I have begged my wife to stay. We have even gone to counseling. But she refuses to give up her online sex (she calls it writing and does it on the yiffy boards) and now I find out that she had sex 2x with her best friend (female). She now says that she will not do that anymore but still wants to keep her as her best friend.

I found this out on my own 1 week after I told her that she needed to show me she wanted to stay.

I don't know how to deal with this. I do love her and I think she loves me but mostly it feels like I am a paycheck. The worst thing is that we have 3 kids and they are old enough to know what is going on.

Should I keep her? How do I ever trust her again? If she stays how do I get what I need out of the marriage?

What about the kids if I do not?

thanks

Joining them was not an option. They did not want men involved at all! Thats a lesbian relationship right?

My wife does not consider lesbian sex or online sex to be 'SEX" and therefore cheating. This says to me that she will continue to do this at will.. Am I right or wrong?

Answer 1

If you guys already did the counseling and it didn't work. What makes you think it's gonna work now. It's sad to say it but you have to face facts. Maybe she likes to be with a woman instead of a male? She might not tell you this because you guys have three kids and she dosent want to hurt your feelings. But don't you think you deserve better than that? Ounce a person cheats one time it's very easy for them to do it again. Their is alot of wonderful ladies out in the world maybe one is already waiting for you. Please give yourself a chance and have the courage to face reality and be a happy person. Being in love with someone that might not love you back is a sad feeling but when your with the person whom loves you back is the greatest feeling ever. Don't you think you deserve that feeling. As for your kids, I think if they are old enough to understand what's going on. You have to do whats best for them as well. II think the best is for you guys to go your separate ways. In the long run if you stay it will affect not only you but your children too. I wish you the best of luck and remember you deserve better than that!

Answer 2

The pattern is familiar and is developing...as planned. I'm sorry to say my dear but here in America we have an old saying "If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...it is". I suspect the mere fact that there are a large amount of text and whatever other type of communications are being employed is the first hint. Naturally the other would be the reaction you received from him once confronted. If there was nothing to it then this not only would have been told to you by him, but again..."a guilty conscience needs no accuser". So...if he has not actually HAD the affair, the groundwork is being laid to do so. Obviously by not only him but her as well. I guess that a man can have a female friend. The old Platonic Relationship. Of course we all know Plato was attracted to young boys and women were not the object of his attention so just where THAT term came from describing a male/female friendship relationship is beyond me. So...I would suggest laying down the law on this matter. Civilly of course because anger and acting out will only shut him off to you fast and there goes the open line of communication. Make the effort to get his head on straight. Unfortunately you'll never really quite have the trust you had in him before. On another note...you say he still wants sex with you. I sincerely hope he is smart enough to know that bedding you isn't the cure-all and apology some men think it is. Getting laid doesn't say "I'm sorry and it's all better". Takes considerably more than that to set things right. The best of luck to you.

Answer 3

This is a difficult thing because you two have children together. She committed what is most men worst nightmare she had affair with a woman and a best friend at that. How do you get over it, in time. The only thing you can do at this point is to take her word that she won't do it again but if she breaks her promise then you will know what you need to do. How do you get what you need out of the marriage by communicating what it is that you need and having the expectations that she will at least try to meet them. Counseling is always good when a spouse has had an affair. And also she needs to limit her time on the on line sex sites and give you some of that hot stuff that she's talking about on line. Good luck.

Answer 4

Wait until the kids are done with school, when your youngest walks across the HS graduation platform give her the papers. Put money aside some where she can't find it. Cash, some type of asset she can't trace easily and walk away.

My will be ex was munching the carpet on the side until I busted her for it. I found out and we separated and divorced and got back together a couple of years later. She broke off the relationship but trust is a thing of the past. I intend to stick it out to see my kids through school and see from that point how things are. Patience in this kind of thing might be the better thing to do, for the kids

Answer 5

You did not say how long ago the affair was. It sounds like you are stiffleing her. Back off some. You can get a program that will let you know every stroke on the key pad of your computer. I do not know the name maybe someone reading this can help with that. Give it a little while and check out her correspondences and if you feel you have evidence on her then hire a private eye and get a divorce. You can't protect the children from the truth about their mother. Don't put more on you than you have already. Good Luck

Answer 6

Oh please! Your kids are better off without a mother who only thinks of herself. She has no regard for her family's feelings so how can that benefit the children? It seems your wife is Bipolar or mentally damaged.
Get out before she thinks of robbing you guys blind and compromising the kids for her selfish reasons. All she loves is herself and if she made more money than you she would bolt! She won't leave you right now because of the money and she knows full well no court will take her side when it comes to divorce settlements.

Consult a lawyer ASAP! Your wife is a ticking time bomb.

Answer 7

Divorce her and seek custody for the kids and tell the court she has had affairs with other women and you feel he will not be a good role model because follows threw with her on line sex calls

then Deni her child support and alimony for being a poor parental model

Answer 8

Get rid of this girl. You dont need this and your kids dont either. Dont believe anything she says because once you go to a woman you never do go back. I know.
If you have any doubt at all you dont need a relationship like that anyways. Why should you worry about why or whos next? My advice to you is to just get out while you still can. That is unless you think it is sexy that your wife is bi.

Answer 9

you an regain the trust, that is if she does'nt cheat again....most say once a cheat always...I personally dont believe that. So give her a chance, try to save the marriage. If it did come to divorce...the kids will be fine, everyone will adjust to the new ways of life. Good Luck to you!

Answer 10

Thats a hard decision, if you really trully love her i would keep up with the counseling and keep trying, if things just continue to go sour then you can walk away knowing you tried all that you could to make it work.