should i leave?

Question

my husband cheated on me last year,and even though i stayed with him,12 months on i still find it hard to trust him.I don't know what to do.

We've been married 8 years and have one son.We hardly spend any time together as a couple or a family, and i'm on my own most nights until late.We separated for 4 weeks last year because of his cheating,but at the time i didn't know it was because he'd cheated,he just said he needed 'space' and there was no-one else. i didn't find out about it until after we got back together,when i found some text messages on his phone and he admitted what he had done.i wanted to try and make it work but now i'm wondering if i did the right thing.

Answer 1

Stop the bleeding! If you can't trust him fully now then you never will and who wants to live that way? Be true to yourself. Don't worry about how he will deal with this because when HE cheated you know he wasn't worried on how you would deal with it.Make yourself happy.

Answer 2

If you don't really want to leave, try to work it out. I've just been through a similar experience, my husband cheated on me a few weeks ago and I'm having trouble moving on too. I refuse to be held back by these destructive feelings. As a Christian, I prayed really hard last night that I would lose the paranoia and find peace, and today I feel a lot calmer about things. I'm still a bit drawn to check up on him but definately praying helped, I can only say it worked for me. Also we have been using the advice of a man who knows about building up marriages, especially after an affair. I'll give you the link, maybe you can sit with your husband and read some of the stuff together. You need to know your needs, and your husbands needs, are being met, so this won't happen again, and it does help me to feel more in control. I hope this helps you as it has many other couples.

Answer 3

Well the decision is entirely up to you but I think you have a lot of thinking to do so here are some questions to prompt you. 1. Do you believe he wont do it again - I think people are allowed to make mistakes as long as they dont repeat and they must learn from them. 2.Also what were the reasons for him to cheat were they in any way justifiable i.e. he wasnt getting much attention etc from you? 3. Do you think you could ever trust him? I think it is an awful thing to go through and I myself would not know what to do so the above points would need to be considered. If you think it was a one off and you can trust him maybe yyou should try to put it behind you, a marriage is something which is in constant need of work as is any relationship.If not then you should leave, if you feel you can no way trust him again as that is no way to live your life. You cant bring it up in every argument or resent him if you stay together so only you can decide whether to put it to the past and begin trusting him again or to leave him.

Answer 4

Marriage is meant to be a lifelong commitment. If you want to save the marriage I think that both of you need counseling in order to deal with this and to heal from it. It will take a long while to trust him again. If you have done everything you could to try and make the marriage work and still are not able to trust him again, then separation may be the next step you will need to take. Good luck.

Answer 5

If you are still struggling to come to terms with the situation after 12 months, it might be that it is still fresh in your mind. Its not a huge amount of time to get over the situation.

Perhaps try attending some couples therapy or even some counselling on your own if you want to work at the situation however if you feel its too much, maybe it is time to leave. After all, you gave it a good shot.

Good luck

Answer 6

I am actually going through the same thing. It is very difficult to decide because I still love him and I believe in giving people second chances. However, I also have to think of myself and 5 or 10 years from know I don't want to look back and say I should have left him. We are currently seperated and this has given me time to think about what I want and if I will truly ever be able to trust him. I don't want to live the rest of my life wondering if there is another woman. So I think you need to ask yourself if you will always be wondering if there is another woman. IF so then you already know the answer. Best of luck.

Answer 7

the first thing you need to figure out is if you love him or not. if you dont then you would be better off to leave now and not be pro-longing it.
If you still love him then you should try an work it out, at lease you will be able to say that ye tried. a partner cheating on you is the hardest thing to forgive cause you are always thinking why did it happen, will or when will it happen again.
you might consider sitting down and talking about it.
hope it helped a bit, GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

Only you can answer that question... Do you feel that you've been able to resolve all the anger, hurt, and a lack of trust you've had to deal with over the year?

Did you both go to counseling and do you now understand fully the what, where, when and why of the issue that brought your husband to the place where he decided/choose to violate the covanent of your marriage?

Did you seek counseling alone in order to help you heal the feelings of trust you need to continue in the marriage? Do you feel in your heart that he's not to be trusted ever... just some questions you might want to ask yourself. You'll be ok.

Answer 9

EVERYONE deserves a second chance in life, it will be hard to trust again mark my words, but you have to try and build on it, you both owe it to each other.
You know its easy to forgive, its the forgetting that's the hard part.

"Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it has gone
And do not be troubled about the future for it is yet to come,
Live in the present and make it so beautiful, that it will be worth remembering" all the best and take care, this can be a new chapter in you life all you have to do is turn the page.............

Answer 10

Once a cheater, always a cheater, easy to say, but not always true, will lest i hope not, i really am in the same boat as you. I am hanging in there, not trusting and hoping that all will be okay, but trust, no way that's out the window and far away, he needs to earn that trust again, and no cheating on him, wont make it right as some answer have said. Good luck sweetie, i hope that it works out will for, God Bless.