Fighting is not going to help. If I beat the guy, I'm in jail & my wife looks bad. He's turned her son against her 100%. The daughter hasn't yet but is afraid of dad & rarely says no. What can we do? Already been to court. I've been with the kids & her for 6 years.
2006-08-29 05:56:37 · 10 answers · asked by jb 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The first thing you are doing right is not getting into a fight with the dad. Sounds like that's what he wants. If you can get the kids away from him, go hiking or boating, anywhere the cell phones don't work & just talk to them. Ask them about their wants, needs & concerns, but don't say anything bad about the dad. Just listen to the kids. Maybe she can get her son back in her life in a positive way.
There's always the courts.
2006-08-29 06:08:52 · answer #1 · answered by grrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, avoid the dramatics with the fighting. I agree, this man does deserve it, but you're right in saying that it's only going to hurt you and your wife.
Second, although parents can have an influence over their children, I find it hard to believe that her son is 100% against her. Depending on his age, there is still something there, your wife just needs to find it. Close parent-child bonds are hard to break. As for the daughter, don't let her go back and see this guy. I know it's her dad, but your wife has a duty to protect her children and this is emotional abuse. Start by calling social services and filing a report. When you go to court, there has to be some sort of documentation to back up your claims. Then put your family (you, your wife, and her children) into family counseling. Schedule the appointments around the times the children are with you. It'll help get to the root of the problem...and shop around for a counselor...don't pick the first one you come across and don't pick the cheapest...you'll be greatly disappointed. Ask questions, propose your dilema before you sign up for anything. You need someone with experience in this.
Believe it or not, this is rather common. Most of the fathers can't handle their wives moving on after divorce and will try at anything to make her life miserable. The more you let it get to you, the worse it gets. If you don't react, eventually they move on to something else. Hang in there. Don't let the negative influence this man is having on these children affect your wife's love for them. If she's consistent in showing it and accepting of them, there is no way in the world this man can get the better of them. Fear is one thing, but love conquers all.
2006-08-29 13:16:04 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there isn't a lot you can do. Continue to be the best parents you can and know that when the children grow up, they will see the truth for themselves. Do not run the ex down in front of the kids, that will just make them defend him.
I work with a girl who lost her oldest daughter in the same way and has managed to continue to see the younger girl but only because she demanded counseling for them. She had to get a court order to get it, but it has helped. The counselor sees the truth of what is going on so her reports to the judge have been tremendously helpful.
Good Luck!!
2006-08-29 13:05:05 · answer #3 · answered by Christina 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Same thing happened with my eldest daughter. All you can do is let the child discover on their own that the father is not the correct one. Took my daughter over 10 years to discover on her own that it was in fact her father that cheated, left us for another woman and didn't pay child support for 5 years while he partied it up. Now she despises him and she and I are trying to mend our own relationship.
And nothing you do or the court does can stop him from using the kids to punish your wife. No one can be around 24/7 to monitor everything he says or does. All you can do is wait it out and hope for the best.
Good luck
2006-08-29 13:07:24 · answer #4 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, this happens. You might file a motion with the court for ordered counseling - all parties. Unfortunately, there isn't much you really can do, except hang in there. Fighting is never the answer, and in this case will only fuel the fire. Good Luck!
2006-08-29 13:04:39 · answer #5 · answered by working mom of 3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i can tell that you love the kids. you know it isn't their fault- they're being manipulated. they don't deserve to be put in this type of situation- no kid does.
you, your wife, and her ex-husband need to all sit down and have a talk. secretly video and audio tape the conversation. then you can go back to court with the evidence that the ex-husband is being difficult and manipulating the kids. if proof of his lack of maturity and incapacity as a parent doesn't sway a judge to deny him custody, nothing else will.
2006-08-29 13:07:27 · answer #6 · answered by miss advice 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get court order counseling for your family.
2006-08-29 13:07:14 · answer #7 · answered by Chris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
good luck I have the same thing. My bf's exwife tries to make them hate us. work with the children show them love and help end the fear of there dad.
2006-08-29 13:03:50 · answer #8 · answered by raynemarie03 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dump the kids on him, then take a cruise
2006-08-29 12:59:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that man has no balls. it is her job to protect her kids, as you are their stepda, i think you shall stay out of it.
2006-08-29 13:01:20 · answer #10 · answered by ubon 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋