Heres the story: You (straight guy) have met a very fascinating woman. She is beautiful, hot, witty and sexy as hell! You have been dating her for a while (3 Months) and you start to delve deeper into her personality and past. However, come to find out, your luscious honey has had a sex change and was once a male.
Sex is heaven with her. Conversations are so good. She is beautiful and so charming to be around. You are starting to fall for her. But you found out through a photograph that you thought was her little brother...was actually her. How would YOU handle this?
2006-08-29 05:51:46 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
The story behind my question is not real. I made it up to set forth pictures in your mind...hoping that the audience would get a better idea of what my point is.
I based my question on my own experience of viewing some transgender women on the internet. I was impressed by many of them. I can't lie. I never ever considered them but I had to take a secound look.
I would probably have a hard time turning her down. What do you say?
2006-08-29 16:30:12 · update #1
Say bye bye
2006-08-29 05:57:00 · answer #1 · answered by ALONG 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Funny how most of the open-minded responses come from females. Man, this question is laced with homophobia. Think about it. This guy is comfortable in his belief that he's straight and then he finds out he's been dating what used to be a biological male - suddenly he's not so sure of his sexual orientation anymore. If he freaks out it's because he's worried about being seen as gay. This woman has always been a woman, but mother nature played a cruel joke and put her in the wrong body. Some guys need to grow up - that's why there are more trans people than gays in the closet.
2006-08-29 07:28:42 · answer #2 · answered by captlex 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a fascinating, beautiful, hot, witty, sexy-as-hell, charming lady that you think you're falling for...Congratulations! There's a lot of people who'd love to be in your shoes.
She can't bear children, she's got a few surprises in her background (who hasn't? After 29 years of marriage, my husband and I are still discovering a few potholes, and we've got great communication), and she has a history of major surgery. (As one transsexual in my group commented, "Went to the body shop, had the stickshift taken out, and new headlights put in; best work I ever had done.") Bet you a cookie you've got a few things in your personal background, too.
I'm NOT being snarky here, or making fun of the situation. This sounds like a legitimate and honest question, so you're getting my best honest info and feedback, FWIW.
Your lady IS a woman, in all the ways that count. But it'd be really unusual if you *weren't* a little startled or confused about how to handle this kind of fastball.
She may have been spending quite a bit of time wondering how she can tell *you* about her history, and the photo may have been a heaven-sent way. Most of the pre- and post-op transsexuals I know are quite used to interacting with (and educating) people who are uneasy/unsure about how to deal with sexually diverse folk.
There's an excellent discussion of a similar situation in _Sex Disasters and How to Survive Them_ (Moser & Hardy; Greenery Press), pp. 14-16. ["She was the best-looking woman at the nightclub....until I got her home. Then it turned out she wasn't a woman at all."]
Therapist Dossie Easton said it best, in recounting her experience: "...got a big handful of something I wasn't expecting. I took a deep breath, and decided that I was relating to the person, not her genitals---for me, the shape of someone's crotch doesn't change my ethics and obligations toward the rest of the person."
Two other good books: When Someone You Love is Kinky (Easton and Liszt). Plenty of info on dealing with someone else's "coming out", and your own reactions.
Health Care Without Shame: A Handbook for the Sexually Diverse and Their Caregivers (Moser, Ph.D., MD). I've loaned about five copies of this to other health professionals. The last couple of chapters are especially great for fast thumbnail info.
It's not going to be particularly comfortable for the two of you to talk, I suspect.....but it sounds like you've already got a lot that's worth building on in a relationship.
Good luck and best wishes to you both!
2006-08-29 08:59:10 · answer #3 · answered by samiracat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no longer a turn off in any respect-- my fiance as quickly as had to be a clergyman yet desperate that he needed a family and a spouse besides. he's likewise a solid Catholic boy and that i never theory it develop right into a turn-off-- haha i actually had to be a Catholic sister! If a woman you like is surely attracted to desirous to get to renowned you, and respects your ideals, this could not be a project. even with each and every little thing, there are a number of adult males accessible who elect to be pastors-- why could that worry all of us else the two (till you're no longer religious)? If a woman is became off by it, that's reason she does not understand what discipline and conviction are (solid traits in a guy) while she sees it.
2016-12-11 17:19:19 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a female and married. I don't know if it matters that it's the other way around. I love my husband and if, when we were dating, he told me he used to be a woman, I would not have had a problem with it. It all depends on one question. Does this person make me happy? When I was younger, I got from society that I should be with a certain type of man. Specifically one my own race. I went with who made me happy and that just happened to be someone not my race. Although this is entierly different, I want you to not worry about what society thinks, or your friends and family. Go with your heart. Love truly knows no boundaries.
2006-08-29 06:02:44 · answer #5 · answered by Dolphin 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Who ME?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v665/WTF66/7500.jpg
2006-08-29 08:37:09 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would stay with her because even though you found out that she was once a boy that shouldn't matter because you know her for who she is, and whatever happened in her past, you guys should move towards the future and a life possibly together.
2006-08-29 08:29:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you really like her I would stay with her. You have known her as the female that she is if it bothers you that she used to be a male just talk to her about it I bet you can work things out and still be happy.
2006-08-29 06:52:57 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only thing that was not female since she was born was her body. She has been female since birth in mind, heart and soul, she had a deformity fixed would you get so upset if it had been a different type of deformity like a club foot or cleft lip???????????????????????
She is female and boy would you miss out to pass on her!!
2006-08-29 06:09:56 · answer #9 · answered by dragonsarefree2 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would be startled at first but I wouldn't care. I fell in love with the person not the equipment.
2006-08-29 07:57:14 · answer #10 · answered by Mithrandir_black 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you shouldn't stop dating her because you she used to be a boy- that's crazy!!!.
I think you feel in love or began to like her for who she is, not what she is. so you should continue to date her. it would be a shame to stop this good thing you both have going on
2006-08-29 06:05:21 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋