I have been married for 3 yrs w/him for almost 6. 6mo into our marriage i found out that he had cheated on his ex b4, during , & after thier wedding! When i was 1st getting to know him he tld me he had never cheated. He also made me & his whole family think that his marrage ended bcause of his wife! I have felt very violated and can't let it go. He tld me that he didn't tell me beacuse he knew i wouldn't have stayed w/him. My feelings have changed I feel like I was manipulated into marring him. Help!! Also he lies a lot! i've not caught him in big lies but little lies and I have to think if he lies about the little stuff whats to stop him with the big stuff?? I have also believed once a cheater always a cheater. Any thoughts??
2006-08-29 05:50:25 · 20 answers · asked by nothin 2 do so i'm here 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
b4, during, and after...tht means he's not gonna change...he's a liar, but did he cheat behind u now
2006-08-29 05:53:33 · answer #1 · answered by Neutro 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband knew your feelings that you might leave because what reasons do you have to believe that he would not do the same to you. Your feelings have changed because you HAVE been violated, in a most personal way.
First and foremost, you need to decide how you feel about your relationship with him overall. Is it worth saving? Do you feel that you have something with this man you would like to work on and keep? If the answer is no, then there is no reason for you to continue to torture yourself by wondering what he is doing and when he is going to lie to you again.
If the answer is yes, then you two need to attend some marital counseling and I would also suggest that he attend some individual counseling. The key, for him, is going to be why he feels the need to lie so much. There may be some self esteem issues, unresolved childhood issues,etc. There is always a method to the madness, and reasons behind what is going on. That is not in defense of him, but rather, a statement that there has to be a reason why he feels the need to do these things.
You also may benefit from some individual counseling after suffering through this emotional trauma.
Best of luck to you. I know there is no easy answer for you, but with some soul searching, you will know the right thing to do.
2006-08-29 06:05:28 · answer #2 · answered by just me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok so he cheated in the past on his EX Wife not you and small lies have ways of turning into really big lies maybe he had his reasons for not telling you,maybe he thought that you would be judgemental kind of like you are right now its his past but I do think that you need to talk w/him to find out what makes him tell little lies to me there is no such thing as big or small lies they are all just that lies.
2006-08-29 06:01:07 · answer #3 · answered by CaliMa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you, you were definitely duped into this marriage, in a way. How unfortunate, you must feel horrible! Generally, it seems to me that the way he behaved towards his former wife can be a reasonably good indication of what is in store for you. Being that he's a habitual liar doesn't help the situation. This is a person who, IMO, cannot be trusted. Ultimately, you have to ask yourself if you're better off with him or without him. Yes, you have been with him for 6 years - but 6 years is not a lifetime, and it's not too late to look for a person who is trustworthy, and will treat you with respect.
2006-08-29 06:00:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I reread your question twice because I found it hard to believe youre still brooding about this 2.5 yrs after he confessed (or was caught). I think what you need to do is either make peace with the relationship as it is or move on. To live with it consuming you for that long is too much. You obviously know you married a man who finds the truth inconvenient or not to his liking and manipulates it how he wants or needs to. Make up your mind...can you live with it anymore or is 2.5 yrs of thinking about it enough?
2006-08-29 06:04:58 · answer #5 · answered by Johnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before, during and after the 1st marriage cheating -- once a cheater, always a cheater -- he won't change his stripes and will continue to cheat.
Why did you not see what was happening when it happened?
2006-08-29 06:30:32 · answer #6 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is his ex wife. They both are at fault because he shouldn't have got a divorce if they are both unsure about being apart. He lies and once a cheat is always a cheat. I know it hurts right now but you have to think about you. He's thinking that " I can have my cake and eat it too". Leave him before your the one that gets hurt at the end.
2006-08-29 05:57:26 · answer #7 · answered by B.A.P.S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely right. My ex did the same thing, told me he had always been faithful to his first wife, found out 3 yrs into our marriage he was full of sh*t, then guess: He cheated on me after being together almost ten years. Move on honey, life too short.
2006-08-29 05:56:52 · answer #8 · answered by T S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe the saying 100%. But it doesn't necessiarly have to be true. If he is lying that often about small stuff eventually you will catch him in the big ones if he does lie. Tell him to be honest with you and if he doesn't let him know where you stand with that. You can't live your marriage through lies.
2006-08-29 05:56:14 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Dee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a liar! Yes, once a cheater always a cheater. I have been through it before. Dump his sorry a$$ and move on and find yourself someone better. Best of luck to you.
2006-08-29 05:59:45 · answer #10 · answered by Scully 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can't stand the heat,get out of the kitchen.
2006-08-29 05:56:42 · answer #11 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋