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He says he wants to end our marriage but we still live and sleep together, conversations are down to 'yes', 'no' answers. Anyone know what I should do. Advice needed.

2006-08-29 04:52:34 · 24 answers · asked by babie 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

24 answers

People who only read this question, are not going to get a proper understanding of your situation! Unfortunately, that is probably going to be about 90% of the ones who have already responded!!!

I don’t know if anyone will read my response, but if they do, I will just add to your question by saying that you and your husband do have sex; and that your husband smokes ‘hemp’!

It is quite possible… make that ‘probable’… that the ‘hemp’ is the cause of the problems. Chances are, the longer he smokes it… the worse that things are going to get, and the more ‘hurt’ you are going to be!!!

You mentioned in an earlier question that your husband was seeing a divorce lawyer, and that the reason he was using to get the divorce was ‘irreconcilable differences’.
Have the proceedings commenced? I’m not sure what your laws are there, but I’m wondering if perhaps you might be able to challenge the proceedings. Tell the court that there are no irreconcilable differences!!! Make sure that the court knows that you live under the same roof; sleep in the same bed; and share intimate moments together!!!
I don’t know how you will go though… I think ‘irreconcilable differences’ is a just a term that is used to enable a ‘no fault’ divorce.

Look… You can’t tackle this problem on your own, OK!!!
You are going to need help!
I wouldn’t mind betting that the ‘hemp’ is the problem with the marriage.
So the focus of attention, should be the removal of the hemp!!!

You are going to need the help of your family and friends!

You mentioned in a previous question (two weeks ago) that your husband recently started acting like a pig, and whether it could be because of the hemp? His entire lifestyle changed… no more sports; no hangout; nothing! He just lies around and hemps up!!!

You are going to have to gang up on him… You; your family and his family; his friends…
You are going to have to work together and say “Hey, look what you are doing. Look at what you are doing to this beautiful lady of yours!!! Look at what you are doing to yourself!!! Wake up before it is too late. Your life is going downhill fast, and you are dragging your beautiful wife down with you!!! You need help! You need to stop smoking that stuff before it costs you everything that is important to you!!!

Then comes the hard part for you to have to do… leave him!!!
You read that right… LEAVE HIM!!!
Have you got some family and friends you can stay with?
I’m not talking ‘forever’… Just for as long as it takes for him to see what he is throwing away, and for him to realise he has a problem, and seeks help.

Tell your husband that you love him so very much, but you just can’t bear to see him destroying himself the way he is. Tell him that you hate what he is doing to your marriage; and that you hate what he is doing to you!!! Tell him you are not going to just sit and watch him throw his life away!!!

I know that it sounds a pretty drastic step… leaving him. But it is something you are going to have to do.
While you stay there with him… sleeping with him… having sex with him… you are making it too easy for him to keep smoking the hemp.
Move away from him. Make him realise just how hard it can really be!!!

My prayers are with you…
I hope things work out for you both!!!

PS... The people who responded before I did; and the first eleven who responded after I did, would not be aware of the drug problem, unless they read your previous questions.

2006-08-29 04:59:36 · answer #1 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 0 0

1

2016-05-07 16:36:55 · answer #2 · answered by Danny 3 · 0 0

Talk about the times when you first met and fell in love. Try to go back to a place when you two shared a wonderful time together and bring that special time back. Communication is the number one thing in a marriage. Tell him you would love to try to work things out. Tell him and show him how much you care for him and he should do the same in return. You might want to suggest marriage councelling. If he does not work with you on this then I would get a seperation so you both can sort out things in your head and have time to think if divorce is an option or not.

2006-08-29 05:02:22 · answer #3 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0 0

In life, so many people opt to take the easy way out in this day and age. I can't say I agree with it, but sometimes it's for the best. Honey, we don't know what happened to bring things to this point, so it wouldn't be fair to give you advice on how to change it.

What I can tell you, is that you can't make someone love you who doesn't. I know this is killing you and you are probably willing to try anything to keep it together. But at one point you have to stop and ask yourself at what cost? And I don't mean monetary. I mean emotionally. Living a life like that will wear you down and bitter you, and when it does finally end, you will have an entirely different outlook on men. Don't do that to yourself. Sometimes things in life don't work out the way we envision them to be. Take the time and mourn the loss, but then you need to pick yourself up and move on. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. And when God closes one door, he often opens another...we just have to walk through a hallway of hell to get there. This relationship may have just been a stepping stone on the way to where you are really suppose to be in life.

2006-08-29 05:08:01 · answer #4 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0 0

Look up Imago Therapy in your area. The Marriage Seminar weekends are expensive (expect to pay around $700) BUT it is a whole lot cheaper than a divorce. If you have children that is even more reason to save your marriage. My (now) husband and I went as part of our pre-marital counseling and 3 marriages that were on the rocks were saved that weekend. It brings So much healing. It is impossible to express how amazing it is. A year later we are still using communication techniques that we learned. We are still applying knowledge we learned about ourselves and each other. I would recommend it for everyone who is married, thinking about getting married and most definitely thinking about divorcing. It should be mandatory. Other good resources: book called 'Light His Fire' CD set called "Men Made Easy"; CD set called Understanding Men/Celebrating Women by a group called PAX. I went in search of information before I walked down the aisle for the 3rd time. I was young, dumb and stupid before. Now, I have a much better understanding of men and for men. There is lots of bad information but these had the best most helpful information. Believe me, I sifted through lots too.

2006-08-29 06:33:37 · answer #5 · answered by godessathena 1 · 0 0

What kind of personalities yours both? If he wants to end marriage then why you sleep with him, why you live with him?

Kick him at once! URGENT! after a while he will want to talk more than "YES"-"NO", but dont at first or second, maybe after 5. If you want him back be a running away RABBIT.

2006-08-29 05:12:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You need to communicate and find ways to resolve whatever issues are breaking you apart. You need to do this in a calm and factual way without getting angry or highly emotional. Lay the facts out and mutually decide what is the best thing to do. Either the relationship can be fixed or it can't. Seek a resolution either way. Fix it or end it.

2006-08-29 04:59:45 · answer #7 · answered by Cary Grant 4 · 0 0

Tell him u want a chance to save ur love. Find a way to get him all to ur self....( road trip, dinner& movie, hotel ) romance him don't beg but let him see what he has and why u got married. rules are simple NO CELL PHONES OR I PODS ECT. ( NO WAYS TO DISTRACT) and just chill. When my boyfriend gets real stressed he says he wants to get lost. about 3 weeks ago we did we just went west drove all night, hung out all day in the parks where we were at... we got some great pictures had fun and fell in love all over. He was wishey washey about standing up to his ex over me till after this trip.... the other day he told her off and told her to back up... It works u should give it a try

If when ur alone it's still a fight it might be over. I wish u luck

2006-08-29 05:03:22 · answer #8 · answered by raynemarie03 2 · 0 0

You can't obviously "force/make" someone stay in a realtionship. They've got to wantl the commitment and understand the seriousness of the covenant they made regarding being married.

The best thing to do in this situation is to pray and seek counseling immediately. Even if he has no interest in taking part in counseling together, you should go on your own.

2006-08-29 04:56:57 · answer #9 · answered by 247 4 · 0 0

We cannot give advice unless we have some background on what happened to get you to this state. My advice would be to get off of here and go to a professional marriage counselor for help and advice. Good luck with it!

2006-08-29 04:55:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

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