He was absolutely perfect with no disabilities and weighed over 7lbs but he died suddenly during labour ( His heart was so strong all along, just stopped suddenly) . All I can do is blame myself because I am a smoker. The dr said it could be a number of reasons. Baby was distressed, overdue, long labour (over 48 hours). All I can do is blame myself. My friends say hundreds of smokers have live births everyday. Is it true ? Did any other smokers lose their baby at term or over term ??
2006-08-29 04:49:32 · 42 answers · asked by Kysalin 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I am truely sorry for your loss, and cannot imagine what you must be going through.
Smoking usually causes babies to be born underweight and premature. So I am sure smoking is not what caused your problem. I don't mean to make it more hurtful by saying this, but you did ask for opinions, but did they do an autopsy? Maybe there was something wrong that wasn't visible? I am sure your obsetrician was correct that the stress of a prolonged labor was too much.
2006-08-29 04:57:23 · answer #1 · answered by sassy_91 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
7 pounds is low weight for 41 weeks but I honestly would blame the hospital. It was not your fault. 48 hours of labour the baby became distressed and should have been taken out C-section. Talk to a lawyer now. All the reasons the Dr stated, Distressed= C section, Overdue = C section, long labour= C section. Smoking causes low birth weight and prematurity. Not your fault.
CALL A LAWYER!! Get pregnent and name your new baby after the one that you lost. Remember it is not your falt
2006-08-29 05:06:57 · answer #2 · answered by Jim 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have had a stillborn too(9 yrs ago). I was only 19 and I blamed myself for about 5 yrs because the doctors couldn't find an answer to why my baby died. The truth is there is a high percentage of stillborn cases that are undetermined. I have done research. Please don't blame yourself. We all have doubts when we're pregnant about I should have done this and I didn't do this or why did I do this because we don't know if it will cause harm to the baby. You did nothing wrong. Your baby is an angel now and watching over you. Eventually you will be at peace with this. It does take time. Sorry for your loss. I do know how you feel.
2006-08-29 07:14:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so so sorry. I wish I could give you a big hug. Please don't blame yourself. That's easy to say, because I think any mother would have these thoughts. My daughter was born with cancer and although she is in remission, I often wonder if there was something that I did. You just have to go on and let his spirit go. You will feel better in time, the pain will lessen. I hope you are going to grief counseling. I went to a therapist when my daughter had cancer and it helped. I'll be saying a prayer for you. ((Hugs))
I would also follow up on the autopsy. I would get a lawyer. You need closure and if you can find a solid reason why they didn't do a c-section. Talk to the hospital social worker, they can point you in the right direction. When my daughter was in the hospital I had some issues with a staff person and it helped going to talk to someone who had to be impartial.
2006-08-29 05:00:02 · answer #4 · answered by mom_of_geniuses 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok I really don't think this is a time to be blaming yourself. This was a tragidy and the most lightly cause is the baby was distressed during birth. Has the baby had a post mortom? This could show up a heart defect etc that wasn't picked up earlier.
You are a very brave lady..I have a baby son and couldn't have coped in your situation. Try and keep strong...blaming yourself won't bring back your baby so focus on the future as much as you can...seeing a councellor will help or you are welcome to chat to me (I am a trained nurse and deal with loss at work). All my love xx
2006-08-29 04:58:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why did your doctor let you have 48 hours of labour? is the question you should ask. You should have been given a c section after 24 hours. The baby was under too much stress, and he may have started to try to breathe while still in side of you. call a lawyer and ask about for sueing for wrongful death . It won't bring your baby back but may prevent the same thing from happening to someone else.
2006-08-29 08:33:14 · answer #6 · answered by judy_r8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are lots of reasons that sad things happen. Don't blame yourself. Since you blame your smoking maybe you could vow to yourself you will quit smoking. Knowing you have done something positive might help a little. Yes people who smoke do give live births everyday. Be kind to yourself there is nothing you can do at this point but move forward. Sorry about your loss.
2006-08-29 05:34:14 · answer #7 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, please don't blame yourself. Listen to your doctor...he's probably telling you the truth and probably not trying to just spare your feelings by saying something different. It's only in the past few decades that people have really gotten serious about not smoking during pregnancy. Up until then it was fashionable to smoke. Most women didn't even consider quitting during pregnancy. My mother-in-law smoked a lot during all 4 pregnancies...all 4 successful. I know of 3 babies here at work that recently were born healthy to fairly heavy smokers. My sister-in-law smoked thru both of her pregnancies, and the babies were fine. A coworker even tells of a woman she knows that quit cold-turkey with 3 pregnancies that all ended in miscarriage. Her Dr. told her to cut back but not quit because the physical stress of quitting might be causing the miscarriages...and she finally had a successful pregnancy. I'm not trying to advocate smoking during pregnancy, but lots of people have done it and had healthy babies...even still today. It probably really was what your Dr. thinks it was.
2006-08-29 05:18:07 · answer #8 · answered by JordanB 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. Now - I don't believe smoking was the cause. My question is why didn't the doctor take you in for a c-section after 48 hours of labor plus being overdue???? My doctor didn't let me go more than 12 hours due to worry about stress on the baby. I would question him.. not yourself.
2006-08-29 04:56:49 · answer #9 · answered by Kel K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hunny..........my deepest sympathies go out to you and your family. I'm so sorry for you, but you have to stop blaming yourself..there are lots of non-smokers who too lose a child in child-birth, I have done, but you just have to wait now for the post mortem. It is awful and you don't want to hear the reason why, but believe me, in time, you will accept the reason for your little boys' passing and tho at the moment it seems impossible, you will come to terms with it.
Please make sure you get some counselling my lovely, really, it was nothing you may or may not have done which caused this......please talk to a professional and don't bottle your feelings up, share them with your partner/hubby and your family.
They have all lost a special little boy, you just knew him best. x
2006-08-29 05:01:32 · answer #10 · answered by jennijan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋