I've known this guy for 20 years. We dated for nine years and have been friends ever since. He and I have both moved from our home state to other states. He wants to get married and wants me and my child to move where he is. I like him, he's a good person, very intelligent but I'm not in love with him. Plus, I really want my daughter to have a father (her's is not involved). Would you do it?
2006-08-29 03:55:57 · 47 answers · asked by treasures320 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
One of the best things you can do for your child is provide an example of a real, loving relationship with your husband. If you don't love this man in that way, your child won't have a proper model for his/her own relationshis! Your child needs honesty and love from you more than he/she needs a father!
2006-08-29 04:00:39 · answer #1 · answered by bethiswriting 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. I am a guy, so I would already be the father! LOL...
But seriously, if I were in your situation, I would not make such a choice. Although he may be a great person - he is not YOUR great person. By that I mean, your feelings for him are not as strong as his might be for you and just to marry him to basically provide a substitute father for your daughter is risky.
If in the end things do not work out, then what? If you wind up getting a divorce you only will be hurting yourself, him, and your little girl even more as she will now be attached to another guy and feel the pain of losing him too (even if he still stays in her life - you will naturally move or he will) so the pain will still remain. Think this through very carefully I say. A simple "yes" answer can cause a lot of pain in the end if you really don't mean it.
2006-08-29 03:58:03 · answer #2 · answered by Answers Anyone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way that you describe this, it would seem to me that perhaps this guy REALLY likes you and wants to have a serious relationship with you. The question now becomes: Can YOU love him?
If I were in this position, the only way I personally would even CONSIDER it would be if there were ANY chance that I might eventually love the guy. After 20 years however, that may not happen. You would be compromising your self-worth to settle for less than love.
Sure it would be nice to have a "dad" in the picture for your daughter, but kids are raised well every single day by single parents - don't let this be a deciding factor for you.
Give it all a good, long, hard think before you commit to anything.....
2006-08-29 03:59:53 · answer #3 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be a great guy and would make an excellent father, but if you are not in love with him it wouldn't be fair to you. Although your child is your number one priority and you want to be able to provide for her, marrying someone so she can have a father figure in her life isn't the answer. Have you ever stopped and thought that maybe you yourself is just enough for your daughter. She hasn't had a father figure in her life so far, so there isn't a rush. While your daughter is your life, you have to remember that you have one too. Don't sacrafice and settle down for something less then what you want. Having a child doesn't mean missing out on life. I hope you don't do it. Instead on focusing on providing your daughter a father figure, reflect on ywhat you are to her, a mother and father. You are obviously a caring loving mother who puts her child first at all times. So put yourself first in this decision for a change.
2006-08-29 04:24:50 · answer #4 · answered by Ro Ro 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is love. You guys dated for nine years and have remained friends. That indicates love. Right now, it is the love of friends.
Friendship is required for a successful marriage. So, the question is, "Can you build a love with him?" Only you and he know the answer to that.
Here are some questions.
1) Do you have respect for each other?
2) Do you laugh together?
3) Do you make each other feel better about yourselves?
4) Do you want *him* to be your daughter's father?
If the answers are yes, then you can probably build a successful marriage.
2006-08-29 04:04:28 · answer #5 · answered by Otis F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO NO NO, Only married someone that you truly love have been together. Make sure this is what you want to do and this is the special person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Why marry someone because you want a father for your child and not because you love him, you said you don't love him and if you do you are making the biggest mistake for you and your daughter.
2006-08-29 04:06:18 · answer #6 · answered by BabyGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't see the point. there's no reason y u should marry someone you don't love just to provide a father for your child. i fully understand that u want your daughter to have a father figure in her life, but that doesn't mean u go off and marry someone you don't love. that's not fair to u, your child, or the man ( one who wants to marry u). plus, y put your child through that kind of hurt again if u guys do get married and get a divorce. she shouldn't have to go througgh that. if u can't find someone in your family to be somekind of father figure to your child for the time being until her father wants to act right or u find someone u truely love and want to be a part of your childs life, someone who will treat her right, respect her love her, and treats u with that same styuff, then u go ahead and be the best single mother u can be. my mom is doing it and so can u. i hope i was helpful in any way. thank you
2006-08-29 04:08:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not marry someone if you do not love them. It's not fair for either one of you no matter how good of a friendship you have.
Marrying someone just so your daughter will have a father is not a good reason either. You want to teach your daughter the value and proper reasons for marriage. Your daughter will be just fine whether she has a father in her life or not. Other guys in your family or even friends can be a father figure for her.
2006-08-29 04:04:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not in love with him don't get married. If you do, you'll only regret it later and likely end up getting a divorce. Don't get married if you're not in love, hun. But that doesn't mean that this man can't be around a lot and be like a fatherly figure to your daughter. Maybe your daughter can just look up to him as a good person, but not a father. Do what your heart tells you.
2006-08-29 03:59:50 · answer #9 · answered by Kiara 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go for it. 20 years is a long time, a very long time to know someone plus you dated for 9 years so you would now if you are sexually compatible. It would be very good if you are in love with him but since you are not you can still have a good, stable marriage because you are friends.
Marriages work based on respect, loyalty and trust you love him you don't have to be in love with him as long as you don't expect any fireworks and you promise to work hard at making each other happy.
Sit down and write down the pros and cons and see which outwieghs which. Would your daughter be happy in the new environment?
2006-08-29 04:06:04 · answer #10 · answered by ayanagin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋