What should I do, I've fallen in love with someone else?

Question

I've been married for a little over 7 years now and have been unhappy for about 2 years. I've recently met another married man and we have fallen head over heels in love with one another. We have both been unhappy in our marriages for about the same amount of time and both have one child. My child is 3 1/2 and his is 5. My spouse now knows that I have been unhappy for a long time and he's trying very hard to salvage the relationship, but because of my feelings for this other man, I am pushing my husband away. We are currenlty in therapy, but it's not working. When I'm away from this other man, it hurts so bad I can't function, but at the same time my husband is also hurting, very badly. My husband doesn't know about the other person, he just knows I'm very unhappy right now. I'm so torn it's physically killing me. We have both decided to try and stay away from one another to see if our marraiges can work, but it's hard on both of us. How can I get through this and what should I do?

Answer 1

Get away from the other man completely and your marriage will work. No phone calls, No emails, No dates or seeing each other at all (no communication) with the other man. Spend all free time with your husband and it will work (especially if he is working on it also)... You will become happy if you both try to make each other happy.
Remember relationships aren't 50/50---they require 100% from both parties.

Answer 2

What both you and the other man are doing is called cheating. You probably are very confused, and more than likely in lust and not love. What happened was you were so miserable you craved the other guys attention and just fell for him.

What needs to happen now. You and the other man need to separate from your spouses. You may find out the other man may not actually separate. I've seen this happen. You really don't know what is going on with the other couple, only what he has told you. You don't really know if the other man will follow through with a divorce and go through paying child support for the next 13 years. Don't let the other guy play you because you are very vulnerable right now.

If the guy does separate he needs to have space to adjust to single life too. This is a legally dangerous situation you've gotten into as well. Adultery charges can be brought against the both of you which will be devastating to you and the other man if found out by the other 2 spouses. Not to mention your family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers. It's called a scandal.

Answer 3

You both need to understand that there are more people involved than just you two. Think about your kids and what they must be going thru! You also need to know that your "head over heels" feeling is nothing more than rebound and you're not thinking straight. Therapy only works if both people are trying to save the marriage, this other man is in your way of accomplishing this. I do know how you feel as I was in a similar situation but one thing you need to keep in mind is, do not leave your marriage for another man....if your marriage is over that needs to be totally resolved before you can even think about another man. Besides, you could go thru with a divorce and perhaps your new man decides he wants to work out his marriage and you will be alone. You're having a case of the 7 year itch, take a moment to see how your husband is trying so hard and ask yourself if you can see yourself living without this man.

Answer 4

Well staying away from from each other is a good start. And marriage is never easy, if it were, there would be no divorce.

You need to work to make it strong, and you both have to want it. The 7 year itch is very true. And it doesn't just mean having the one night stand or the affair.

The 7 year itch is actually a breaking point, I believe that if you are bored with your relationship at that time, it's easy to slip away, to find something better, but it's also a big hill in the road, if you make it past...there can be very rewarding experiences on the other side.

You need to tell your husband about your relationship for one. And he may very well give you the exit you think you want. And if you're going to counciling, but NOT giving the whole truth......

You are doing nothing to help your relationship with him.

You can go nowhere when you are being deceiving. Nor does it show that you want to try. Paying people to listen and help but you end up paying for nothing, because you haven't solved anything by lying.

Having children involved on both sides is even harder, and it is way harder for a man to leave a marriage with a child involved. My question to you would be....whyhaven't either of you left already!?!? Because of the kids. Kids are no excuse! If you are miserable, they are.

To get through this you have already did the one best thing and that is staying away from each other, the next step is seeing your councilor ALONE and telling them the truth about your affair and have them help you to tell your husband. No names have to be brought up, but you have the man you fell in love with trying to make it work, trying to make you happy, when you know inside that someone else is.

It's his right to know about the affair, it's his right to choose whether to leave because you aren't happy enough that you had to find love somewhere else. You need to be honest and go from there. Good Luck.

Answer 5

child. My child is 3 1/2 and his long time and he's trying very hard to salvage the relationship, but because of my feelings for this other man, I am pushing my husband away. We are currenlty in therapy, but it's not working. When I'm away from this other I'm very unhappy right now. I'm so torn it's physically killing me. We have both decided to try and stay away from one another to see if our marraiges can work, but it's hard on both of us. How can I get another married man and we have fallen head over heels in love with one another. We have both been unhappy in our marriages for about the same amount of time and both have one child. My child is 3 1/2 and his have both decided to try and stay away from one another to see if our marraiges can work, but it's hard on both of ( READ ALL THIS - HOWE DOES IT FEEL READING GARBAGE)... NEXT TIME, WRITE SHORT

Answer 6

You need to look at how this will affect your child as well. Part of being a parent is looking at what is best for them.

Ask yourself why you are pushing your husband away, is there something that you don't like, is there something missing??? Try to find that common ground. Maybe an option is an open relationship with your husband so you both can "play" but have the "family" stay toegether.

very sticky situation esp that there are children involved.

Answer 7

"For better or worse; for richer or poorer..."

Yeah, go ahead and get a divorce. Likely, it's just gonna happen again. More than half the marriages in this country end in that way. How many past boyfriends have you broken up with? So maybe you think that this time it will be some paradaisical bliss and satisfaction: didn't you feel the same the first time? So it's prob. the same old story. On the other hand, strike that: even if stuff doesn't work out with this one, you can still work the civil court system by milking both guys for money through their divorce settlements while looking forward to finding that unique and special someone for your incredible third time.

Answer 8

Do you remember the feelings you had for your husband when you first met?… Do you remember how those feelings grew as you got to know him better?… Do you remember how he asked you to be his wife?… Do you remember standing at the altar with him… and the vows you both made?… Do you remember the intimate moments that led to the birth of your child?… Do you remember how proud you both felt, when you first held that baby in your arms?… Do you remember the promises you made to the baby?…
RELIVE THEM !!!

You said you have been unhappy for two years… Isn’t that telling you something?
You were married for seven years… That makes ‘five’ that you were happy!!!

You have a husband who obviously loves you and your child very much…
Your ‘happiness’ is very important to him.
Is ‘his happiness’ important to you???

Do you know the cause of ‘your unhappiness’ over the past two years?
Does your husband???

Is your husband a good father to your child?
Does your child love his/her daddy???

Who’s your best friend?
Who has stood beside you for the past seven years?
Who’s heart is being torn apart, because he doesn’t think you love him anymore???

It is great to see you are both going to therapy… but why don’t you think it is working?
Do you think ‘the other man’ may be the reason???

This ‘passion’ you feel for the other man… Is it familiar?
Does it perhaps resemble a feeling you had, some seven years ago???

Rekindle that feeling, with the man who taught you to love!!!

Answer 9

You will never save your marriage with someone else to run to. Is that fair to your husband or your child. I think not. Your husband is trying like hell and you have this secret that he knows nothing about. Nice of you to lead him on.

You run away from everything when you are with the other man. You are not a mom or a wife or have any problems. You get to be someone else and have sex with no strings.

If you would 1/2 the energy you are putting into screwing around you could save your marriage. If you put the other 1/2 of your lust into your marriage you could be in heaven.

I feel so sorry for your husband and child.

Answer 10

try not to push your husband away if you are serious about trying to salvage your marriage.... if you and your lover have decided not to see each other for the time being...then you can concentrate all your energy into your own husband....

this is a decision that only you can make...but remember...your lover might not leave his wife......

and then where would you be? at least you'd be out of an unhappy relationship....

i couldn't stay in an unhappy relationship forever...but i would definitely be willing to work on it....