Should i be home when he is leaving us tonight?

Question

i posted this morning about divorcing and moving abroad.

my husband, due to lack of happiness in our marriage has cheated me with his ex-girl friend. when i discovered that sunday night, i just asked him to leave the house. we have 2 kids -7 and 2,5 years old-. he totally regrets it and he is in panic. i know. but i cannot live with him in the same house. i need to stay alone with my kids to think and react wisely.

he begged to stay home for the last time with his kids last night. i accepted. but this morning, i reminded him to leave home tonight.

as you might guess, everything going on really hurts me and i don't feel like i could handle it easily.

i don't wanna be home while he is leaving us tonight.. but i have 2 young kids who don't know exactly what is going on.

so should i be home with my kids or just be abesnt leaving the kids with their nanny??

or shall i take the kids to a friend's house just to pass time having fun?

Answer 1

You should be where ever the kids are. They will not understand why daddy is leaving. Remember it is not their fault, and your divorce has nothing to do with them. Do not bad mouth their daddy to them, he is still their daddy.

Good luck with your future, and keep your head up.

Answer 2

This is a tough question. I am sure you are all struggling with what is happening. I think I would have the kid's be somewhere safe and you be at home with someone you trust while your husband gathers his things. It is not necessary for him to take everything right away just enough so that he can give you both about a week to sort things out. Once he has found somewhere to stay he can bring his things. The two of you need some cooling off time. Visits with him and the kids should probably be somewhat supervised to start so that he doesn't take his anger out on the kids or move them away with him. I went through all of this about 4 years ago. Believe me it wasn't easy to start but it has gotten easier since. Be good to yourself. Stay safe.

Answer 3

You are much to willing to throw in the towel. If you are willing to send him away for one transgression then its apparent that you think you had no involvement for his lack of happiness. I'm not saying you need to look the other way regarding a cheater but I am saying that your investment cannot be that strong if you are giving up that quickly. Marriages can and do survive infidelity. Most do not know how many because that is a subject not normally discussed except with very close family and friends. My advice is step back, take a deep breath, talk to him and identify some root cause for the problem. You have two young children how do you explain it over the years that they have no father because you cannot accept one serious mistake. This was discovered Sunday? You are acting much to quickly.

Answer 4

First off I want to say I am truly sorry regarding your marriage, I am sadden about your story because I know that you truly loved your husband and him just the fact cheated with ex. Why was it lack of happiness, was it you or was it just him just wanting to do the things he wanted to know, I don't understand how men and women just destroy their marriage with someone they have been with or have met and their relationship doesn't last long and when it all boils down they want to run back to their wifes/husbands. You going be emotional, depressed and feeling hurt. Because this husband of yours have destroy you'll marriage over an ex. What a shame? But you got to realize that you have 2 beautiful children that needs you at home for support. You going have some rough days with him not being there as a husband, your going have some crying days some days when you just want to be alone away from your children because your in pain. I don't think you should be there with him when he leaves? The fact knowing he is leaving is depressing and hurtful. Just go somewhere, over one of your friends house and just talk to her, sometimes sharing your feelings is good to get it off your chest. It aint going hurt to cry. Your losing the man you loved so much. Leave your kids with their nanny or a close relative that knows your situation cause they don't need to see you as their mother shedding tears. They are going wanna know what is wrong? You need this time to yourself. I hope things would work out for you and him. If you need a friend to talk to feel free to email me at anytime. I will be a friend:)

Answer 5

First of all, I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. He has put you into a very unfair position. He begs to stay home with the kids for one more night-what crap! If he was so concerned about being with his children, he would have put them first and not cheated on you. Now you are feeling guilty because he is guilty and cheated! Not nice. He does not deserve the concern that you are showing for him and his feelings. Under no circumstances should you leave the kids there with a nanny to watch their father leave-believe me, I watched my dad leave and it is one of the saddest most traumatic memories I have (I was only 3 and I still remember it). DO take the kids to a friends house and leave them there to play and have a nice evening. You must be feeling curious and have a ton of questions and feeling that you should express. So by all means, be there when he leaves, but leave the kids out of it for now.

Answer 6

For the love of God don't walk away and leave the kids there with the nanny. Take them someplace, just mom and the kids, and wait it out. I know how hard this is with a 2 year old, but perhaps being amongst friends will be the best thing.

Answer 7

No, just go someplace else with the kids but make sure that he is leaving for sure. Because you don't want to go over that and when you get home he didn't leave. I was in the same situation and that's what I did and I can say that was the best for my son. Remember, you are the one who is going to divorce from your husband, not your kids, so, they don't need to see the worst part. They will need you strong enough to take care of them, so, even when you feel that you can't fake it. Good luck, and remember, if you look outside there are more houses and they are good neighbors :-)

Answer 8

you need to be with your kids, do not leave them with a nanny. You also need to be out of the house when he leaves because he will do whatever he can to try to change your mind. You need time alone to sort things out and he needs to accept this. Your whole life has just been turned upside down and it's going to take some time apart to figure things out. He also needs time alone to see just what he's done and where he wants to go with this.

Answer 9

I am so sorry for you to be going through this. And its very understandable that you are hurt. But don't feel guilty for the things he has done. You need time to be able to mourn what you have lost. Its almost like losing someone to death. You didn't expect it to happen and now your lost.. I really think that you should allow him to see the children for the last night...but if I was you..I wouldn't be there. He might take it as a last chance to change your mind or to try to convince you to stay. I agree that you need time to get things straight in your mind. And if he is truly sorry and wants to fix things...then he is going to have to give you time alone. He will have to earn your trust again...and it won't be easy for you to do that....he is no longer the person you could confide in and believe in...he destroyed that with his lack of faithfulness. Don't try to keep him from his children...but be strong and stand your ground.....you deserve more than he has given. God Bless you and I wish you the best of LUCK !!!!!

Answer 10

Take the kids to your friends house, you might have to stay to make sure he really goes, and doesnt take off with anything you dont want him to have. The kids should not see Daddy leave, too painful a memory