how to regain self esteem after bulimia?

Question

i have been in a relationship with my partner for nearly three years. six months into our relationship i began to suffer from bulimia. although im an attactive girl I had began to get paranoid that he would be looking at other females in the street, on tv and on the internet in a sexual way. I explained my worries to him and he told me that i was being silly and he wasnt doing it. After having suffered from bullimia for a year, and my partner constantly telling me i was being silly, i finally caught him looking at certain images on the internet id rather not discuss.

im batteling to keep my bulimia undercontrol, however sometimes it gets the better of me. i know that i am of a perfectly normal weight and am told that i dont look fat at all. However i feel im obviously not good enough for my partner, and am constantly struggling to keep myself attractive for him. I cant help but sometimes feel very resentfull towards him whilst loving him so much. i just dont know what to do.

Answer 1

Hi there. First, the fact that you are acknowledging that you have bulimia, and that it's a problem is a fantastic sign that you want to move towards recovery. Experiencing low self-esteem while stuggling with an eating disorder is very common. As you recover and sort through the things that caused the ED in the first place, your self-esteem should improve.

My recommendation would be to find a good therapist to work with, and/or a good support group. Keep talking with your boyfriend and be honest about how you are feeling. I imagine that, as you work on your recover, things will improve with him too.

Below are some ED recovery links to find a therapist and/or group.

Hang in there!

Answer 2

You're in a catch 22 situation. On the one hand you know that *you are* perfectly normal, but the bulimia then jumps in the way and engages your negative mind. Bulimic behaviour acts to cover up 'painful feelings' and you then resort to bulimic behaviour when you're feeling down becuase it covers up those feelings.

Added to this is your understandable worry about your b/f looking at images on the Internet. It's just about the last thing you needed.

But it is not *you* that made a mistake there, but it is you who has decided to blame yourself!!!! You're right - bulimia and low self esteem go together - *to a certain degree*. The main difference between anorexia and bulimia is that anorexia is ego-syntonic and bulimai ego-dystonic. ie. ego-syntonic = this behaviour achieves the desired result. In the case of anorexia - I eat less I get thinner = I feel I am winning. Ego-dystonic = this behaviour does NOT achieve the desired result. In the case of bulimia - I purge - I don't get thinner and I don't feel better = I am failing.

The 'good news' is that it's easier to treat an ego-dystonic illness becuase one does not have to pursuade the patient that what they're doing is wrong/bad for them. (As you said - 'im batteling to keep my bulimia undercontrol' - you'd never hear an anorexic saying 'I'm battling to keep my anorexia under control'. Anorexics guard their secret tool very closely).

So - major progress there - you know what you need to do.

But, it appears that your b/f is not aware just how well you're doing, or he may feel scared of approaching you about it. He may even feel that *you think* that he thinks that you are not pretty/etc and how can he battle with what you think? (I know that sentence takes a bit of re-reading - but I hope you understand!!).

You clearly love him a great deal and maybe things have gone off the boil with him which may explain why he's done what 99.9% of male Internet users do.......? Time to take him aside, tell him you're regaining your self esteem, tell him that he should be a part of that rebuilding process and that he doesn't need the Internet - the real deal is 100 times better (say it with a smile and he'll go weak at the knees.....).

Go for it - and bowl him over.... you know you can!!!

Answer 3

hey. First, the reality which you're acknowledging which you have bulimia, and that it particularly is a situation is a terrific sign which you particularly pick to circulate in the direction of restoration. Experiencing low shallowness jointly as stuggling with an eating illness is amazingly elementary. As you get better and form interior the direction of the flaws that led to the ED interior the 1st place, your shallowness could develop. My advice could be to discover a sturdy therapist to artwork with, and/or a sturdy help team. save talking with your boyfriend and be truthful proper to the form you experience. I think of that, as you artwork on your get better, issues will develop with him too. under are some ED restoration hyperlinks to discover a therapist and/or team. draw close in there!

Answer 4

hey i suffer with bulimia it gets bad and worse from time to time but youll get over it. i was bulimic for 7 years and i still am bulimic and its okay i used to way 6 stone i have now got myself back up to 10 and a half stone. i started just by stuffing my face i know its hard but when i did it i wasn't even hungry so it make me feel really sick after but i tried my hardest to keep it in. just take it one day at a time if you need to talk or need help just email me. [e-mail]. take care and hope everything goes well. good luck. hope to hear from you soon xxx

Answer 5

He sounds like a normal red blooded male to me. Speak to your friends and they will tell you that their men check out women all of the time. Can you name your top 5 men? We all fancy people and it doesn't hurt to express it sometimes, you just need to be secure in your relationship. You said yourself that you are attractive so go with it and when he says he likes someone (which would be insensitive given the situation) tell him who tickles your fancy too. Just dont turn to food and keep yourself healthy.

Answer 6

I m so sad to hear about wat happens to you. Guys are all same. I know someone who tells me that he dunno much abt sex and he seems so so innocent to me, but one day i found out that he actually has been registering on many XXXX rated sites

I wont be angry if he tells me truth about that cos thats normal men behaviour but why is he pretending he is so naive abt sex and all xxx web site but in actual fact he is not the guy tat all the while i tot was a nice gentleman. i m really a fool to believe such.

DOnt be silly, if he loves you he will love you as you are. Pls consult a doctor and love yourself before other ppl can love you

take care

Answer 7

Go to your doctor asap. Just because you look a healthy weight does not mean you are healthy inside, it also means that you have emotional issues to deal with. The longer you leave it, the worst it becomes.,.......as for your bloke, if he says he loves you then trust him....it is not your body that he is with, it is your mind aswell. If it was just your body then he isnt worth it anyway!. Do go the GP though.........trust me, I know the dangers if you dont. x Good luck.

Answer 8

I think the problem is with him. You need to get rid of him and find someone who actually does care about you and who takes an intrest in your well being, as your current boyfriend sounds like a self-centerd prat.

Answer 9

Eat 3 pies a day for a fornight

Answer 10

Even if your boyfriend was going out with Miss World he would still look at other females - it's just something you will have to accept.You can't compete with millions of years of evolution.