He has a very insecure way about him that I learned later on in the relationship and its driving me nuts I feel like walking away from the marriage HELP ME!!!
2006-08-29 02:52:55 · 20 answers · asked by keishahayes2003 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm very sorry. Really, I am. I wish I could do something besides give you advice.
*Go to marriage counseling. I would try a church. Even if you aren't religious, or aren't Christian, please try church-based counseling. I have found that they are very kind and nonjudgemental. They will also do their very best to assist you.
*Do not get angry with him. I know it will be difficult, but if he gets upset, you must remain calm. Getting angry will result in a heated argument an will accomplish nothing.
*Try to talk with him. Write down what you are feeling and why. Point out specific reasons, and calmly--nicely--explain this is how you're feeling. Don't sound accusatory, it'll just make him mad. Just be reasonable and calm. Explain how much you love him and remind him gently of the vows you both took.
PLEASE DON'T WALK AWAY!! Your marriage CAN be resolved. It will take a little time and effort, but IT CAN BE DONE!!!
I hope this helps. I shall pray for you.
2006-08-29 02:58:28 · answer #1 · answered by Liz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I can help you. If following him in submission and letting him think he is in control keeps you tired from fixing everything. Stand back and wait for him to fall on his face, don't laugh fix it in front of him so he sees and then wonders if you've been doing it all along. But fixing things exhausted me. Sure you can show him how much you love him... that only allowed mine to treat me worse and make ruder commments. All my "love showing" showed him it completely fine I'd love him and show him attention anyway. I learned ignoring him is so much better acting so submissive that you are just a weakling. Then there isn't much of a challenge for him and he will actually ask you what is wrong then. But before you do this you had better figure out the words of how to put it that this will work. Use some his favorite lines back on him reflecting them toward you. If he likes this attitude and he is feeding off of your challenge now being gone I think all he wants to do is over power you adn be in total control of you and be your puppet master as he tightens your string some more. Maybe it satisfies him or fulfills him to do this. If nothing else works I think it is time to leave unless you want to fall deeper into the pit and become his full time victim for all teh rest of your years. Think of it this way though if you don't have kids get out now while you can. If you do have kids plan well your escape
2006-08-29 10:13:46 · answer #2 · answered by KayAlley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been there and done that. This is not all that unusual because I have heard a lot of people who claim the same thing has happened to them. It is really hard for a person who is so into power to effectively change their behavior for more than a little while. Seek counseling and if it doesn't work consider starting a real life. You can not live just for someone else and he has no right to force you to do so.......
2006-08-29 10:01:01 · answer #3 · answered by jodie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Finding out about your husband's personality AFTER the marriage is a sure sign that you had absolutely no idea what kind of person he was or what you were getting into before hand. Yours is a prime example of why people should never rush foolishly into a marriage before getting to know someone.
Now you are stuck with him! So unless you want a divorce, you lie in the bed you have made.
2006-08-29 09:57:00 · answer #4 · answered by kja63 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, it is hard to change someone. The only thing I can say is to talk to him about what he is doing and how it makes you feel. Give him the whole truth, let him know that his controlling ways are turning you against him and making you want to leave him. Let him know how you feel about him, the loving part of it that is, so that he knows he has no reason to be so insecure. If all else fails, take him on Maury..........Good luck
2006-08-29 09:58:07 · answer #5 · answered by dixiegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married to one for 25 years. Everything went well as long as I allowed him to control me. The last 3 years I decided that I too was a human being and started balking the controlling. We ended up getting a divorce because the more he was losing control the more he lost control. I have no magic words for you, it's in their personality and since you allowed it from the beginning I don't know how you can change him. Good luck to you!
2006-08-29 10:01:26 · answer #6 · answered by hummingbird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and discuss this. But if he is a control freak as you say and you are thinking about getting out of the marriage, becareful that it does not escalate to violent behavior and then you get caught up in that too.
If you feel he will grow violent, leave the marriage while you can in a manner that is non-violent.
2006-08-29 09:58:52 · answer #7 · answered by Just Another Guy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the only way an insecure man becomes secure in his relationship is if you show how much you care about him and love him. And if, after awhile he's still controlling, then, he's got bigger problems that you cannot fix...he has to.
2006-08-29 09:56:27 · answer #8 · answered by Smiles 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Demand going to councelling before you walk way. He needs it, and so do you. Make an appointment and tell him to be there. If he doesn't, he won't change and then get out if your heart tells you to.
2006-08-29 09:58:05 · answer #9 · answered by Fleur de Lis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to your husband about it and tell him all that you feel and work some way out and if you still feel its not happening then just move on!!
2006-08-29 10:14:02 · answer #10 · answered by country_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋