daughter wants to end relationship with her husband of 15 yrs. for a on line relationship.?

Question

She has been with this man for 15 yrs. and has 2 kids with him . She will not listen to anything that I say to her. Her husband loves her very much and is in torment. S he has never meant this man and he lives in New Hampshire. I need the right words to convince her that what she is doing is dangerous, not only for her but for the children. Can anyone help me please! My daughter is 34yrs old she is not a young kid who doesn't know anybetter.

Answer 1

First of all it all depends on ur daughter she is not an adolosent not to know what she is doing.We as parents can only advise our children on the dos and donts.If still some children are adamant then we only have to pray to God to give them strength to go the right way.Maybe there is more to it than u as mother is thinking.U have to possibily make both of them sit together and find out the reason for all this mess.If she has not met this man on what gurantee is she doing this.Either she is blinded by his wits and fancies or she is lured into it.I feel very sorry for as a mother as I can understand what u must be going thru.
If u dont mind may I ask u from which part of the globe ru from.If u want to discuss with me on a more personal basis then this is my id [e-mail] for msn.
I also feel she shuld very urgently go for counselling.It will defenitely help.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

Ask your daughter why she is drawn to this online lover. Her reason may not be as good as she think. But the point is she need to hear the foolishness of her answer. Online romances are tricky, people tend to lie, distort the truth and mislead, among other things. Often, their goals includes having short term sexual encounters and they will say and do what is neccessary to make it happen. Once the passion created from their online chats have been played out in the bedroom, they began to loose interest in one another. But by then, the damage has been done. However, some online relationships have worked. But it's your daughter's well being and her family that's at risk. Some questions to ask are: Does she know how her kids feel about the situation? Are they willing to leave dad for a stranger? Is mom willing to abandon her kids for this man? What is her plans if things dont work out? How does she know he's all that he claims? It appears your daughter is only a journey away from meeting her online lover. If she meets him, is she willing to restrain from all sexual activity until she knows him? I suggest for safety reasons that someone accompany her for the initial meeting. More than likely she will tavel to his home area which should be a warning to her. The bottom line is, your daughter has to convince herself that this is a bad idea. As you said, "My daughter is 34yrs old, she is not a young kid who doesn't know anybetter". I know this hurts but like it or not, she has the right as an adult to make a bad decison.

Answer 3

First, you have to accept the fact that she really "doesn't know any better", because she's in the process of misguidedly changing her life.
I have been consistently amazed at the power of Internet relationships. Even people "our age" (I'm assuming with a 34 year old daughter that we are close in age) are becoming increasingly involved and dependent upon the Internet for their social lives!
There is obviously a powerful psychological process at work here. The Internet gives these relationships a sense of mystery and excitement. By not actually meeting the other person, it also enables us to create that person anyway we want. In other words, even though we are technically conversing with a real other human, that person is actually little more than an electronic blip on our screen, and we can interject anything we want into it.
Also, mathematics takes a role here. 34 minus 15 is 19. She was too young when she got involved and/or married. she's missed much, and I'll bet the Internet is her primary avenue to the "outside world".
While I think it is wise to dissuade her from traveling to meet this man, you should accept the fact that she needs professional help, and that counseling may lead to divorce, which in her case may be the right solution. She's 34 years old and has a life to live.

Answer 4

The heart wants what the heart wants. For some reason your daughter feels like she is in love with this on line guy. Is her present relationship a good one? Does he treat her well? There are a lot of things to be considered. It is dangerous for her to go out on a limb like this. How long and to what degree does she know this person? Did he used to live by her and recently moved to New Hampshire? Does he or will he accept her kids? Can she honestly remove her kids from their dad? She has to think if her life will be better or worse with out her husband. If her relationship is a good one...I doubt if she will break up her home for a "what if" relationship with this new guy. If this new guy is so great...why hasn't someone already grabbed him up? Maybe there is a reason he is alone. Your daughter (who is also a mother) needs to look past the nose on her face and just step back and look at the entire picture. Whats best for EVERYONE...not just for her own fulfillment. The kids come first! Good Luck........talk to her until you're blue in the face...someone needs to get through her thick head before we all hear about her in the news.

Answer 5

Unfortunately, she is a grown woman who has temporarily lost her touch with what is important. She's become "bored" with everyday life and is chasing a fantasy that she thinks will perhaps make her happy. Married life can get into a rut, and maybe she thinks this will bring excitement to her life. What she's failing to realize is that this other man is still a human with flaws she doesn't know about yet, and that once the newness of this wears off she'll once again become tired of the relationship.

It appears that your daughter married at the age of 19, has looked in the mirror after 15 years of marriage and is experiencing a bit of panic with the realization that she's getting older, and needs validation that she's still attractive and desirable. We women know that over time we may not be shown as much affection and attention by our husbands as we were during the courtship phase, and the temptation to explore this type of newness can be strong at times. What your daughter HAS to realize is that she's jumping headlong into uncharted waters, and will lose her husband, possibly her children, and the respect of her family by taking this step. Ask her if, when she looks at this 1 to 2 years down the road, will it have been worth it to throw away MOST OF HER LIFE to satisfy this desire, is she "in love" or just wanting a new experience, and what will happen to her if this doesn't work out. People can do really silly things when driven by hormonal desire, and most of the time end up regretting them.

Answer 6

It's way to dangerous for one especially putting her kids in harms way. She needs to be thinking about her kids and the effect it will have. Sounds like her husband loves her lot, you don't get that very often. Is there something she feels is a void in her life, she needs to talk about it if there is, that this online man seems to be trying to fill and put in her head that he can take care of her. If she can't talk to a family memeber about it make some counseling but this i think is way to dangerous, you hear it all the time, people meeting over the internet and then meeting in person and then something horrible happens why would she want to risk her and the kids being hurt,murder or whatever these creeps do. I would not let her take the children for one if there is a way to stop that i would. To risky. She needs to know her behavorial in unexpectable and will harm those precious children.

Answer 7

Your daughter apparently wasn't being fulfilled in her marriage. This is were the problem started. You need to suggest to her that is she is that unhappy in her marriage, then get a divorce. Then she needs to take the time to put herself together, after this is done, then tell her that if she still feels she loves this other man, then she can go meet him. But until all the above steps have been taken that she is just trying to fill a void in her life. If you try to explain it in a way that she would be "cheating" this other man out of a possible great relationship with her because she will be carrying all of the baggage from her marriage into the next relationship it might work.
Good Luck

Answer 8

Unfortunately, you know and I know when someone makes their mind up about something like that, there's nothing YOU or anyone can say to her to convince her any different. Maybe she's not happy at home. Yes, some online relationships can be dangerous, but she's grown, and if she does something she's gonna regret, it's gonna fall back on her, not you. I know you want to help, but I'm sure the kids will (should) be allowed to stay with their daddy until she gets to know this guy a little better. Even when you're with someone for 15 years, you still don't know everything about them, so she's just gonna have to start over getting to know this new guy. Be happy for her if she's happy, but don't try to dictate what she should do for her life. Just love her and support her decisions...she'll love you and respect you so much more.

Answer 9

I have read so many horror stories where people lied on the internet like crazy, and when someone thinks they've fallen in love with someone on the internet and finally get to know them in real life...they find out it was all fake.

She might throw a good thing away and run to this fake guy from online, just to find out he is really just a bum and a slob that lied about himself. Then she will one day come home to realize what he's doing all day while she's at work supporting them both, sitting on the internet flirting with other women.

She's a fool. I know some people are incredibly convincing, but this can lead to nothing but grief. But we can't control people. You can't stop her. Try to find and print out other people's accounts of meeting "fakes" from online. I am sure you can find some testimonies. Maybe she will listen to someone else who learned the hard way.

Oh yes, I do agree with what someone else said that the daddy should have the kids while she does all this. The kids shouldnt have to be uprooted, and drug around the country to meet scary strangers from the internet so mommy can get her jollies. It really isn't good for them. If I were you, I would offer to the daddy to testify on his behalf at custody hearings.

Answer 10

If the husband let's your daughter take his kids to be with some man she has never seen he's a fool or not much of a man. You've already said she wont listen to anyone who knows her so what makes you think a group of strangers can help.

Your SiL needs to see a good lawyer and you and the rest of the family needs to rally behind him. Perhaps after some time she will get over her insane infatuation and work to repair her marriage.