my wife recently told me she may be gay. i am giving her time to figure out what she wants and i hope she will still want me. we have a lot of ay friends and know of some that end up going back to men after a long relationship with a woman. Why is this? have any of you ever done this?
2006-08-29 02:13:54 · 16 answers · asked by lost 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Also have any of you ever come out to a BF or husband and what did you two do? did you try to stay together? did you seperate and get back together? how did he handle it?
2006-08-29 04:08:24 · update #1
Hi. You are fortunate to have such an honest relationship with your wife. What she's going thru is not about something you did or didn't do, and it takes a lot of courage and trust for both of you to understand it. Most likely, she has always been attracted to women, but because of stigma, societal pressure, etc, she either denied it or hoped it go away in time. If she discovers that she is bi, she may realize that you are the one she loves and that both of you will have a fulfilling life together. (Being bi does NOT mean promiscuity or expecting an open relations, btw.) If she realizes that she is gay, most likely she will go her own way. That would be hard on both of you, but the reality is that she would know that staying with you would hurt you and deprive you just as much as it would her. No, I have not been in the same situation, but I did start to really recognize my orientation during a good relationship with a man, and accepted it a while after we split. Your willingness to let her find herself without animosity shows that you are definitely a wonderful mate and speaks volumes about your character. It's a tough spot to be in, but life has a way of finding the best places for all if you are open to experiences beyond your comfort zone.
2006-08-29 04:32:46 · answer #1 · answered by Alex62 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I realized I was a lesbian after several years of marriage. As I hadn't had any real experience with men prior to this marriage, I didn't know what I was supposed to feel. I knew something was missing but not sure what or why.
We did split up - it was much easier for me than him as I was going on my new journey.
As for people 'experimenting' that may be what it is. Also, there are many people who are bisexual and find strong attractions to both. For some bisexual people and some 'closeted' gay people, being in a straight marriage is less threatening than being with amember of their own sex because it is more accepted by society.
You need to realize that if she accepts her lesbianism as 100% and you were part of her journey that this will be the end of your marriage. It's going top be difficult for you. She didn't lie to you; she did love you. It's just that her true self lies in being with other women- emotionally, physically, etc. I hope you didn't have kids. It just makes it so much harder. There is a group called straight partners of gay people. If you can't find it,check out PFLAG.org- they're a nat'l support,educational, advocacy group for the families & friends of LBGT people. They will get you the info you nedd and be there if you need a shoulder. My best.
2006-09-02 09:12:18 · answer #2 · answered by reme_1 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My gay friend's mom was involved in a long marriage with her husband before discovering she was a lesbian. She's been with her lesbian partner since and it's been over 7 years.
I think that what happens is that women know deep down that they might be a lesbian but are fearful of what society and family will think. Now that homosexuals are coming out more and more these days makes one feel "safer" to do so.
Just give her time and respect her decision no matter what.
By the way, married males sometimes discover that they are gay and will leave their wives so it goes both ways.
2006-08-29 09:18:41 · answer #3 · answered by Scully 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a lot of time people are gay and they get married. ive done this and it was a bad situation he gave me space and i went searching. it was good for a while but i still wonder off. what i learned is you have to be understanding at the same time you have to set boundaries. sometimes all she may need is a little something extra on the side. are you willing to share? let her get it out of her system. it could be just that also just an itch! i did go back to my husband and its better than ever and the sex is WOW
2006-09-04 23:47:34 · answer #4 · answered by abgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well what happened with me was I have always been attracted to women, and I tried the gay thing but to be honest I missed the dick. If she leaves she will probably come back true women understand each other but there is something a man that can give that is needed. Maybe you can work things out and benefit from the situation. Bring another girl in bed my bf loves it.
2006-08-29 09:41:20 · answer #5 · answered by Mandy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
there's a little known show called "the L word " you need to watch the first season cause this very thing happens to guy on the show his wife of so many years decides she gay he gives her a little time well look just go rent it buy it or whatever you'll see it's not easy to stay together after something like that good luck though
2006-09-03 06:29:15 · answer #6 · answered by murkymom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No i have never done this,but at least she told you frankly enough.Its probably presure from the type of friends you hang around with and she feels she would want to have an experience of how gays are. They simply get tired of the One to One acts and miss all the good stuff that a man gives, thats why they run back to men..so as you say give her time..to prove what goes next...
2006-08-29 09:26:48 · answer #7 · answered by mic 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she leaves you, she will probably stay with a woman. She may have been in denial this whole time. But, it depends on what her definition of happiness is, if she is gay but doesn't want all the crap that comes along with it..discrimination mainly, she might choose to keep on fake being straight...IF she IS gay, but if she's just curious, odds are she will come back to you. In my opinion.
2006-08-29 09:19:08 · answer #8 · answered by Bailey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend that came out to her boyfriend she said she was Bi and in the start everything was all love. They would have 3 somes and things like that and on the outside looking in they seemed to be very close and happy. Until the day she told him that she had feelings for someone else and she told him who it was and he almost tried to kill her. He raped her and held her against her well in his apartment for 2wks. I really don't know how she got out but I thought it was rather scary. That some sh*t you watch on Lifetime or something you never think people would really do something like that.
2006-09-03 12:03:47 · answer #9 · answered by nicetee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women who go back to men generally do this because it is easier and safer. It is hard to be a lesbian, socially; and it is hard financially as women mostly make less money. You get tired of the difficulties and cop out and go back to a man. Most of us are at least somewhat bi-sexual, either thing works even if the fireworks are not as great, and it is easier to be straight.
2006-08-29 10:42:23 · answer #10 · answered by irongrama 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋