my husband won't help do anything around the house. Nothing.?

Question

As soon as he gets off of work he goes directly to the computer and sits for hours bitching and playing his online game. We are in the middle of remodeling our living room. I asked him to move a heavy peice of furniture and he complained about that. Then began to ridicule me when i asked for help because i was starting to feel sick. Telling me I am always sick. I have had health problems since I was born. He knew this upon meeting me. Yet, he expects me to do everything in this house, on this house and around this house while he sits back and laughs that he is going to take credit when something looks really good. He wants to go ahead and make messes and the looks at me and laughs some more and knocks the trash to teh side and says oh well you'll pick it up, that's so you won't get bored. I am never bored I get up in the morning take kids to school and clean until midnight. Yet still never get everything done as the kids are learning habits from Dad too. How can i talk to him?

Answer 1

You are ahead of me... ditto for my husband but remodel?! I wish! What I've been slowly doing is less and less, and SEEM like you are working hard. And whatever he calls you is only words. Just do to him what he does to you and see how he like it? Do your 'work' but never be around to bring him a drink or pick up the mess. 'FORGET' do to it because you are too busy. Do you he ANY help or sympathy from him? Then pick that and PLAY IT UP! keep it going! until hopefully the shoe is on the other foot. I don't know how he operates, and if he insists on a clean house. But he sounds like my husband. A grown up 5 year old who doesn't know how to use the trash can. Do NOT let your kids learn from him! That it is acceptable to put trash/ leave trash on the floor for you to pick up! ASK him if that's what he wants? What if, you die (heavens forbid) then would he want to live with the attitude he has created in the kids? That's also what I live with.
If you go to counciling, get a good one. And put HIS name on it. It's important for insurance reasons. (the doc has to offically treat the person on the paper, not 'marriage counciling') Get another one if you don't like the one you have. (We went to two and I don't know if I can get him to again to a 3rd.) I wish I could tell you better info, but I haven't figured it all out for myself yet, but I hope my ideas might help. Best of luck and wishes!

Answer 2

Time to sit him down and have a heart to heart talk with him. Hopefully you will be able to do so. He seems to be very immature. Look him straight in the eye and let him know how you are feeling. Tell him that you want to see him as a partner, not as one of the kids. Explain to him how this is affecting you and the kids. Ask him why he treats you this way. He can't possibly be blind to what he is doing to you. Listen to what he has to say. If after having this conversation, nothing changes, then disappear on him for a few days. Let him handle everything so that he can see how much for granted he has taken you. Let him clean up, take care of the kids, etc. See how he would deal with life without you. Don't be afraidt o do this, maybe all he needs is a little bout with reality. He can't say you didn't warn him.

If after all this he continues to do the same or gets worse, then you should really evaluate your relationship with this man and decide whether you want to live the rest of your life like this. A little soul-searching will be called for.
Good luck.

Answer 3

Don't talk to him take the kids and leave he is such an *** I've been through the same thing except for I wasn't married just lived with a very lazy ex-boyfriend you shouldn't have to put up with that does he realize that he is emotionally abusing you make him seek counseling with you or end marriage and take half of everything if he isn't willing to help out. Just because he is working doesn't mean bull you are working also around the home and deserve to have help and a break he glad he isn't with me I would have made him cry...Hang in there darling and seek help

Answer 4

I think the time for talking to him has passed. The behavior you've described is not just lazy or rude... it's emotionally abusive.

You can try asking him to seek counseling... but at minimum seek counseling services for yourself and your children and make some decisions about whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life living with someone who has so little regard for you, your home, your health and what's best for your children.

I'm sorry to lay it all out there like that... but I've been there and lived that. Your husband is way over the line at this point. I'm sorry. Hang in there and know that you deserve to be treated with more respect than that and if he's not going to be able to upgrade his behavior, then you may need to make some very serious decisions unless you are truly content with this situation... and it sounds like you're not.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to say this but he is a slob and will remain that way. If your kids are in school and don't clean then it may be too late for you to convince them otherwise. With children you have to start early ...as soon as they are able to lift let them clean. It teaches them much valued skills. As for your husband, his mother never made him do anything. I can understand that you are frustrated with the idea of them wanting you to be super mom but you need to draw the line...go on strike and if they still won't help find a new man who will help you around the house and who can assist you in enforcing those habits on your children.

Answer 6

This is not something new to me, I am facing the same problem. My husband travel quite a lot and when he is around he will spend his time in front of the TV or doing his work from laptop. He never help up in the housework nor spending time to teach or play with the kids. I have requested him to help out since we got married and have been hinting to him how lucky some of my girl friends as their husband help up in the housework...but he never seem to get the message. I have more or less give up hope on having him to help me out but pray on my kids to behave well and give me less pressure. I am a working mum in managerial position hence definitely have equal stress level as him but he doesn't seem to understand, always want me to be able to leave office on the dot, etc.

Answer 7

Sorry you are going through this with your husband. Seems like your husband is a miserable man. What I mean is, it seems like he get a kick out of seeing you angry and cleaning up like a maid especially if he laughs at you. Tell him how you feel when he comes in makes a mess and don't clean behind himself. Tell him that you understand he's worked all day and when he rest up could he help you move a piece of furniture. If that doesn't work, I suggest you leave his mess where he left it. If he has something to say about it tell him that you have cleaned that particular area earlier that day and if a grown *** man can't clean up behind himself then it will stay there. Your children are school age so get them involved in cleaning up. Start them to making up their beds, cleaning behind themselves. If you continue to do things "until midnight" then you are teaching them that mom will clean behind us or mom will do this or that. It's not fair to you but start taking care of yourself mentally and physically.

Answer 8

First of all DON'T let your kids be like him. Assign them daily chores and they don't get to watch tv or talk on the phone until their done!! As for your lazy husband, tell him you would like and that you EXPECT some help around the house. If he refuses, then quit breaking your back trying to get it all done yourself. Your health should come first, and if he can't understand that then he is a real pig. (sorry, he's your husband, and you love him, but I wanted to call him something much worse)

Answer 9

DAMN..... he kicks trash .. and tells u to pick so u wont get bored !u need to get out of thre ... next morning take kids to school and dont come home ! and text him sayin that u going to holidays with ur frnd(even ur not.. jst go to some place and tell ur hubby that u at holidays) go back home after 2 weeks and see how is he doing .. and if he switchs saying how u went awaay .. then pick up ur kids and leave him !!! trust me .. do that ... dont let him take u for granted !!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

Put his computer and and belongings in the garage. That way he can live like a pig and it wont bother you....make no effort to make him nice food....toast, toast, toast and more toast. Make sure the only towel available is soaking wet after he showers.......send him to work with smelly clothes and tell your kids to call him THAT MAN~!!!!
You dont need to put up with this kind of crap and its not doing the kids any favors seeing his kind of behavior as normal! If your health is low then your priorities are your children and yourself!! Treat him as a flatmate until he re earns your respect!!