We have been married almost a month. He was - and is - a virgin. He seems freaked out by the whole idea of sex, and cannot get aroused. He seems not to have the usual instincts and urges, and it is really frustrating me. He swears blind he's not gay, and he does love me and find me attractive. I'm trying not to put him under too much pressure, but we are making only slow progress - he has no interest in my body at all.
Anyone else been through this? Any ideas? Would viagra work, or is it a libido issue, and is there a drug for that?
2006-08-29 01:33:10 · 39 answers · asked by sunnyannie 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This is complicated and your husband may not even know the reason - or he may be subconsciously hiding a painful memory. The first thing you have to do is talk get this issue into the open but not in an accusatory manner - let him know how much you love him and that you want your relationship to move on to the next intimate level but that you will do this slowly in stages - and emphasise that you are grateful that he chose you to spend his life with and this very intimate part of his being. If he feels comfortable of taking part in counselling with you and separately this may be helpful, however the more pressure he feels put under the worse he will feel - and it won't help.
Communication, trust, love and patience.
You promised for better or worse - this is worse but can be overcome as long as you are there when he needs you and patient when he needs to take a step alone, and it will lead to the better.
Good luck.
2006-08-29 02:13:14 · answer #1 · answered by Missmack 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How frustrating and devastating for you. Did you not know what he was like before you married him? I would have thought you had some clues....... If he has no interest in your body at all, then I would say he is gay. If he had interest in you, but failed to get arousal, then this could be put down to the fact he is a virgin and is afraid of failure. I feel so sorry for you, but I think he needs to see a counsellor, or his doctor to ascertain whether he is hetrosexual or not, or if there is some other underlying problem. I do hope he gets sorted out and that you will find happiness in the future.
2006-08-29 01:41:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you guys are married and he has not shown interest in consumating the relationship he may feel that your relationship need not go to that level. He may look of your relationship on a spiritual level. Some people don't hold as much wait on sex as the most of the human race. Consider yourself in a catch 22. You don't want to be married to someone who just wants sex and then you don't want to be with someone who is not interested in sex either. You should try a sex counselor to find out what is your next step. Good luck!
2006-08-29 01:39:26 · answer #3 · answered by Sunshine 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sounds like his has a confidence problem.. Make him relax, rub his back try to set the mood and don't put pressure on him. Start slow and work your up there. He may be shy or worried that he won't be able to get the job done. You need to make sure you tell him how you fell and make sure he does the same. Time will help but the more you pressure him the longer it may take. take it slow and gentle he is more than likely scared out of his mind.
2006-08-29 01:42:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, there's a reason not to put off sex until marriage. Some folks are asexual or too caught up with some sort of religious guilt.
Try changing your lifestyle a bit. Start watching pornography. Place porn mags in the bathroom and also on the coffee table. Walk around the house nude. Stop going to church, etc.
2006-08-29 01:46:01 · answer #5 · answered by so 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I'm not sure if it is a libido issue or not. You may try getting in the shower with him and help him clean up. You could lie in bed naked and tell him how frustrated you are, all the while massaging your clit. Watch for any type of interest or reaction and play on it from there. Good luck.
2006-08-29 01:44:19 · answer #6 · answered by loser 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Didn't you ever noticed before you got married that he was not interested in you sexually? A normal guy could have remained a virgin but he would have surely made some advances to lead you on... and show you he is interested.
Does he watch a lot of porn. There is a kind of mental sickness that makes men desire porn than their own wifes.
Try to convince him to see a sexual therapy, maybe is something wrong with him, like a trauma when he was a kid or too much porn viewing.
2006-08-29 01:41:46 · answer #7 · answered by trushka 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need some serious counseling and pretty quickly. This is not a normal situation and something is wrong. He either isn't willing to admit he is gay (even to himself), or he has some underlying issues that needs addressed. You deserve to be in a marriage enhanced and completed with the act of making love and he deserves to free of the guilt and pressure I'm pretty sure he is feeling. Sex won't make a marriage, but lack of it will help destroy one.
2006-08-29 01:41:08 · answer #8 · answered by wendy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes there is a drug, it's Your female sexuality! You need to let him know that You will dominate him from here. Let him remain a virgin while he orally services YOU!! You will be telling him exactly what he will doing and when, You are now the dominate one in this relationship!! Let him deal with his little issues on his own, he married You and he needs to realize there is no other way You would have it. I keep my husband strapped in a chastitiy device constantly. I do not allow him to penatrate Me because he only exists to serve Me. You would be wise to check out Mistress Elise Sutton's books and web-sites.
2006-08-29 04:48:09 · answer #9 · answered by Madame Austere 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you should have talked about this before you got married as sex is an important part of the relationship and you should be able to show your love for each other. Sounds like he is hiding something from you and need some counselling to overcome this.
2006-08-29 04:35:40 · answer #10 · answered by emmalp75 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋