am i mean for letting my baby cry to sleep on her own?

Question

my baby is 9 months old. I have been desperately trying to get her to soothe herself to sleep but she howls so bad that I have to put her on my lap and cajole her to sleep. Do let me know how to get my baby to sleep on her own? When did your baby learn to do this? Is it ok if i soothe her to sleep?

Answer 1

It sounds like you have the normal instinct that you want to soothe and comfort her to sleep, that is great- go with it!

Honestly, yes, I do think it's mean to let a baby cry themselves to sleep. It is one thing if a baby is crying and nothing you can do will soothe it and you hold and cuddle it while it cries. But to leave the room, and just leave the baby when it needs you? I think it's mean and unhealthy.

Babies cry when they need something. Maybe a diaper change, food, or just to be cuddled. As parents, it is important to respond to their needs, especially when they are babies, to let them know that you are there for them. It is important in their development of self esteem and independance to know that you are there for them.

Yeah, crying it out works, of course they stop crying because they realize you aren't there for them. Imagine if you were really upset and needed a friend to talk with. You call your best friend in the whole world, and she doesn't take your call. You try again, telling her you really need her, and she hangs up on you. You try again, and she completely ignores you. What do you do? You stop calling her! And how do you feel about that person? Not very good. You can't trust her and you know she won't be there for you when you need her.

I would suggest getting the book, "The no cry sleep solution" or reading Dr. Sears Baby Book. The source listed below has some really good tips on getting your baby to sleep well. The No Cry Sleep Solution is all about having a nighttime routine (bath, eat, book, bed, or something like that) and putting the baby down when she is drowsy, not fully asleep. So you could comfort and rock her until she is just about to zonk out, then put her in the crip or in your bed and stay with her until she is asleep. There are some good tips on how to do this in the book.

Answer 2

Personally, I think you should do what works for your own child; you are the parent and you know what is best. My child is 4 mos old(almost) and has been going to bed by himself and sleeping through the night since he was about 8 weeks old. He used to wake up every morning at 3 am no matter what time we put him to bed... so we figured out his internal clock was stuck and let him cry it out a couple of nights and that was all it took. Now he sleeps from 8pm until about 6:30-7am. It is hard to hear your baby cry, but I think in the long run, it is best if they learn to go to sleep on their own. I also think the earlier they learn it, the easier it is to learn it (within reason of course). We are now dealing with the napping issue. My son is a different child when it comes to napping during the day; he cries and cries. It seems the more often I go into talk and soothe him, the harder he cries. Some babies respond well to that and some respond better to being left alone. The main tip I would tell you is to be sure and time how long your child has been crying - it will seem a lot, LOT, longer than what it really is... Do what you think is right for your child and don't let anyone make you feel badly about it. Good luck!!!

Answer 3

My daughter is 11 months and she has been able to soothe herself to sleep since 5 months old. This does not mean it happens every time. This is what has worked for me. I use a pacifier only for sleep time. I have a strict routine and I also watch her cues. It's really hard to calm an over tired baby, they will need help. I listen to her cries. If they sound tired she is just releasing energy to be able to fall asleep not necessarily needing you to help, in fact if you go into their room it disturbs their process. There are times that my daughter still needs extra hugs and cuddles to fall asleep, I can tell when her cries are not so tired sounding. So, yes it is ok to soothe her but listen to her cues and make sure that she is not overly tired, watch for the first yawn or rubbing of the eyes. When this happens take her to her room. I hold my daughter and sway and kiss her and I say "sleep well my beautiful" then I put her down.

Answer 4

So some tips.
Say good night to toys and playthings that are in her room.
Check on her about every 20 mins and let her know that you are still there.
Try not to feel bad. A lot of parents teach there children to how to go to sleep like this.
The time differs for each baby to learn this, my son took just a little over a week, yours might take 2 - 4 weeks to learn and understand this.

I was a breast feeding, bed-sharing, mommy. But when my doctor told me at my son's 6th month check up that he should be sleeping throughout the night and falling asleep on his own. I knew I had to change my bedtime plans. So I tried a new routine. I decided that I would put him in his crib (A crib that had pretty much gone unused until then) to bed at the same time and let him cry it out.
The first night was horrible I wanted to hold him and let him know that is was going to be alright, that mommy was right there for him. But my husband stopped me and told me that this was for the best.
It took my son about a week to get the point, that he had to fall asleep on his own and now at 11 months he can fall asleep on his own and sleeps through the night.

Answer 5

Well, Don't we all feel mean being a parent. My child is 2 and she still does not fall asleep alone. I have to sit next to her sing songs and tell her stories until she sleeps.

My advice - nine months is old enough to let her cry for short times, then show your face for a while, maybe kiss her and leave again. Singing is a great way of comforting then if you do not want to pick her up all the time. Routine is also a great way of making them feel safe. Before bedtime bath and then read Bible or a story, then sing and after that you put off the light and put on some soft music. Do that for a while - like two weeks and see what happens.

Good luck

Answer 6

We started our son crying himself to sleep at 6 months old. It lasted all of two nights and then he just went to sleep on his own. He's 9 months now. You need time to yourself and with your spouse.

You should start by letting her cry for five minutes, then gently, silently comfort her briefly. Leave and let her cry for ten minutes and do the same. It's hard, but once you get past the first few nights, you won't regret it.

Answer 7

Yeah, it's OK. I could never leave my baby crying even when people told me I should let her "cry it out". I don't see anythign wrong with actively trying to calm your baby. I did and I have a perfectly fine, well-behaved 4-year-old today.

P.S. And she sleeps well in her own bed too. Good Luck! I'm sure you'll hear many different opinions on this matter. Go with what YOU feel is best.

Answer 8

Letting them cry to sleep is fine, I did it with my son. He soon learned that when he was put in his cot he had to go to sleep and after a couple of weeks bypassed the crying and went straight to sleep. It was the best thing I ever did, he is now 2 and at bed time he will get right into bed and go to sleep with absolutely no fuss- he has been sleeping through the night since he was about 3 months old. I would be disapointed with myself if I had raised him to be clingy and whiny by fussing over him everytime he cried for attention. You are doing the right thing- stick at it and she will soon learn. Good luck x

Answer 9

Some babies need held to go to sleep some don't. She will tell you when she is ready to do it on her own, mine was about 11 months. I'm not a fan of letting babies cry, but you are the mommy and can do what you want. In my opinion, if you feel guilty don't do it

Answer 10

No Way. I have a co-sleeper over here and my doctor just told me enough of that. I'm terrified now I have to put him in his crib every night at a certain time and let him cry hisself to sleep it going to be hard but i know i need to take my bed back.