Do you frogive ur dad for seperating from your mom, but still took care of u over the many years?

Question

What do you feel your Dad should have done, A) Stick with the family for your sake. B) Seperated, but taking care of you - so that he can have the life he wanted.
What is the psychological effect did it have in your upbringing.

Answer 1

Dads do what dads believe they have to do!!!

So much depends on the circumstances of the marriage.
Separation/Divorce is a decision that isn’t taken lightly, especially when there are kids involved.

Some marriages get so bad, that the best thing the father can do for the kids, is to leave them with their mum.

In some marriages, where the father is an alcoholic for example, having the father come home drunk every night, is certainly not an environment that you should be bringing kids up in.

Likewise, if the husband is violent, it isn’t fair for the kids to have to witness him bashing the crap out of their mum all the time.
Speaking from a personal view, and recalling my childhood…
I wish to hell my dad had taken off!!!

You asked what psychological effect it had on my upbringing.
I can’t answer that from the viewpoint of someone who’s parents separated…
I can only answer it from the viewpoint of someone who wishes their parents had separated…
The environment I grew up in was with a father who was a violent alcoholic. I’m in my mid 50s now, and I still carry the scars of seeing him come home drunk, night after night, and bashing the crap out my mum. I hated that man right up until he died, and as they lowered his grave… I smiled!!!

I turned out to be just like my dad in a lot of ways…
I was an alcoholic… I got married, and had a kid…
Eventually, I started getting violent against my wife… My son was still a baby.
My wife left me, and despite the fact that it tore me apart having my kid taken away from me, I had to admit that what she had done, was the smartest thing she could ever have done.
It was certainly the fairest thing she could have done, as far as our kid was concerned!!!

The following web link contains a number of poems I have written.
There are three that you may want to take a look at…
“Take the kids… and Run!”
“Does he know I am his father?”
“I know how much it hurts!”

Answer 2

B might be the answer, but the way it is worded implies you have made up your mind. You stated "so HE can have the life He wanted" and never once said they. You are trying to justify your hatered for your father, but can't seem to do so because he took care of you. If you stayed with your mom the whole time, then the odds of her spilling over the hate to you is ten fold. It is so easy for one or the other to posion your brain with crap that is one sided. Unanswered questions in one's life can cause a lot of psychological problems because you are constantly looking for answers that may not even be there! This is too deep to answer without being biased. An honest answer is hard to come up with based on so little information. Convincing you of the actual truth might not even be possible. One must look at it objectively and without having a dog in the race. The factor missing here is; how do you know the life he wanted? What kind of relationship did mom and dad have behind closed doors? One can cut off an intimate relationship with their partner without the children knowing the truth, and twist it in a fashion to make dad look like the bad guy. Him taking care of you says a lot about this guy! He knew someday you would seek out the truth, and realize there are two sides to every story. Only after one gets away from the negative influence of one parent, does he start to see that just maybe the other parent wasn't so bad after all. You see, hurt is hate turned inward. Until you deal with the hurt, then and only then will you be able to realize the hate that you didn't know was there. I hope you can get help, and talk to someone about this, or it will cause many problems in your life, if you let it. I hope also that I have been able to point you in the proper direction. Good Luck!

Answer 3

I will give you two scenarios.
1. A wife and husband who live together there is so much tension, shouting and yelling, chores and responsibilities left undone because neither want to look like the weaker person, bills not paid meaning no cable, no electricity, no healthy food around to eat in other words home is not a place you would look forward to going.
2. Happy parents leading their own lives but providing for you and showing you love, and care parents at peace with each other but leaving separate lives.

It is obvious that the latter will most probably bring up a very troubled child who will have a very negative attitude towards life and marriage.

So please forget any grudge you have with your father, he is the only father you will ever have and you should be thankful for that there are people who do not even know who their fathers are or maybe the dad passed away when they were too young or before they spent enough time together.

Answer 4

I think it is best to forgive especially if there are signs that he did his best. Since your dad is human, he made mistakes. Not forgiving only makes you angry and hurts the current relationship you could have with him. Kids end up messed up from divorce and from parents staying together just for the sake of the kids. Maybe you could give him some credit for what he did do...it shows that he cared enough about you to do those things...even though it meant having contact with a woman that he no longer wanted in his life.

Answer 5

B.

When my parents lived together, they would argue a lot and we always felt the tension even when they weren't. Like all kids (I was 13 at the time, my brother was 12), we still wanted them to stay together.

They divorced and each got remarried. We lived with my mother and visited my father as often as we wanted to. As I grew older and saw them with their new partners, I realized how different they were from each other. Now it's hard to imagine that they were ever married in the first place!

If you're a father asking this question, know that it takes time but your kids *will* adapt to this new lifestyle. If you're a teen asking this question, you need to realize that not all decisions your parents make are about you and that, in time, you'll come to know that some people just shouldn't be together no matter how much they (or you) would like them to be.

Answer 6

Yes I would forgive. Sometimes it is too difficult for parents to stay together. He can go to have his own life and takes care of his children at the same time. It is better to stay with the mom and fighting all the time.
Well if I am the mother, I would stick with the family and try to convince the father to do so for our children sake.

Answer 7

My kids were mad at me and their dad for getting divorced. They thought we should have stayed together because that was what they wanted. It was epcecially hard on my daughter since it was her senior year of high school. BUT when things are bad, it is best to move on as quickly as possible. Kids can feel the tension in the household and a lot of arguing is not healthy for children to be in either.

Answer 8

Everyone deserves happiness...it would be like living a lie if he stuck it out for the family...he was there for you and that is what counts...no body owns anyone in this world and there are no guarantees in this world. Love your Dad no matter what ...just as he loves you...be proud of him. So many of us get caught up with silly things.

Answer 9

The important thing is your dad didn't abandon you. I'd rather have my parents split and they be happy than stick it out for my sake. That will just create a tense home for everyone. I wouldn't want them to live a lie because of me. That's just my opinion.

Answer 10

I forgive my mom for giving my dad a divorce.
I stayed with my dad and it was really the best for all of us as life was preity bad before that.
My father is mom and dad in one.
My mother is just the lady who gave me birth and it took long time to get along again, but she remains my mother so I forgave her.