Please help! My sex life is failing horribly and it is taking my relationship with it. My husband and I have no romance anymore. We only have sex in the middle of the night (he wakes me up) or in the morning (he wakes me up). There is no talking or words of love. There is no emotion, just sex. Afterwards he lies down and doesn't say anything, doesn't touch me, nothing. He loves me very much, but somewhere I think we got lost on what to do in the bedroom. We had a rocky patch in our relationship and have been trying to restore it. I think that all has been healed but we have lost what we use to do to excite eachother. I am starting to get so frustrated about this and I can't hardly stand having sex with him anymore, because I don't feel loved and wanted. I feel like he needs to "get off" so he uses me. How do we fix this? How do we make love instead of just having sex all the time? Please, honest answers only! This is a serious problem. Thanks
2006-08-28 23:53:45 · 30 answers · asked by rainboweyed1 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First off, in my experience, sex can be very addicting. This means that when you get into a habit of it, you do it because you feel obligated to. Your night may just seem off if you don't.
Second, don't worry. If there is anything that can be fixed, its romance that has existed in the past. The flame as they say can always be rekindled.
I think perhaps he has something bothering him. If you don't mind being the one trying to fix the problem, try to find something exciting to do with him. Play hard to get. Try a romantic dinner. Show him you're still alive and its a waste to simply use you to "get off."
I'm not saying to start wearing leather and try BDSM or anything crazy, just to think back on your life with him and try and remember what turns him on. Be a tease. Guys are driven nuts when they think they can't have anything, and will wind up enjoying it more if you make him earn it.
Its hard to say much, since I don't know your husband, but I know that people can get depressed. When they do, the habitual comforts of things like drinking, sex, eating, sleeping, tv, games, etc will all be underrated comforts that will only succeed and driving them nuts if they can't have them.
You peaked his interest when he proposed to you. Peak it again and make him keep you interested as well! Don't worry!
2006-08-29 00:07:25 · answer #1 · answered by Seraphim 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Can you get away just the two of you for a weekend to someplace fun and romantic? Try doing things together that you did when you were first dating. Plan one evening a week out, even if it is just a walk around town or a park, just holding hands, sharing a drink, and get to know each other again. Communication, about anything, is what will get the spark flowing again. Also, don't have sex just because he wakes up all the time, explain to him you would like more, and try to set the mood, a candle light dinner,etc. Good luck.
2006-08-29 00:00:36 · answer #2 · answered by psycmikev 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well you should try talking to him & try to let him understand what your going through & how you feel about it. He should listen, not just because he has to, it's because he wants to. you can tell when a man is really paying attention. this is what you do? have a romantic dinner & have a good conversation, dance if you have to. Have him look into your eyes & ask him if he really LOVES YOU & ONLY YOU. Then walk into the park or beach either one. Better yet, go to a look out wit a lot of lights in the background. Now thats romantic to me. Then go back to the house & do the kamasutra. Kamasutra is doing all the styles in one time shot. Thats what I do and for some reason they tend to say "I LOVE YOU" the next day when they call my house. Try it & see if you like it. GOOD LUCK.
2006-08-29 00:16:29 · answer #3 · answered by Larry F 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to try and have a heart to heart talk with him... Plan a romantic evening or something on the weekend... maybe a getaway somewhere... Tell him you enjoy the physical part of making love but you also need the passion and romance of sharing each others love... Hopefully all he needs is to be made aware of your desires... and if he is open to your suggestions then make it well worth his time and effort... This will make him realize what he has been missing out on... Good luck...
2006-08-29 00:16:33 · answer #4 · answered by deakjone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to make a time to be alone and talk about this and even though it's real easy to get emotional you both have to agree to stay calm and agree that it's not about placing fault but about making this situation better, make time to be together and not just in the bed room have a date night go to dinner or to a movie make special occasions special again celebrate the important days in your lives like birthdays and anniversary's. find whats good for the two of you as a couple don't listen to what the TV shoes or other people have to say about what a good relationship is find what works for the two of you and be happy with what you have.
2006-08-29 00:04:01 · answer #5 · answered by Sandra 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wel you do have a problem!
I would suggest that you take the lead. You do to him what you would like him to do to you.
Ex: you start kissing him in the neck and on his shest and you start rubbing him all over and you take charge you tel him to lay on his back and you climb on him and tease him with you know what. . . . .
And when you pack him luch put a small letter in his luch box or in is shirt pocket or take a paper end write a letter about how you love him and what you adore about him end cut it into a puzzle and every day put a piece of the puzzle where he can find it and it wil be interesting for him aswell. Show him that it can be interesting and that it can be fun try new moves and get something to make bedtime interesting aswell. There are creams end oils. You should try it and do let me know my E-mail adress is marelizefourie@yahoo.com
2006-08-29 00:07:27 · answer #6 · answered by marelize f 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think this is in your very hand only to make it up to your expectation and desire , needs to re-adjust your life routine and style .
Again restart behaving like a new wed couple , by starting your day with morning walk / jogging / light excercise , then meditation regularly . Cook nice tasty food for all the three meals regularly ,serve with passion by becoming good host .Maintain neat and clean house by becoming good house keeper .
No nagging , no complaining , recieve him in the evening with your ever charming smile & offer him some welcome drink ,make sure you had shower to look fresh not tired .Have dinner together in happy romantic atmosphere .
Hope these small but tiresome change will do wonders in your low life . Good luck .
2006-08-29 00:07:58 · answer #7 · answered by your noon 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
something indeed is terribly wrong here and i fear both of you will need to sit down and take stock . you need to ask serious questions like is there money problems , or some other factor like if you've got kids , are they a hassle . he certainly needs to get rid of the idea that he'll 'tap ' you on the shoulder an it's okay for him ,because it certainly is not okay for you ( otherwise you'd not write ) . do you both spend much time with one another ? is work commitments a problem ? how well do you communicate ? for i fear this is you're biggest hang - up . please try talking and reconciling but not just he has to come to the party to otherwise whats the point ??
2006-08-29 00:04:53 · answer #8 · answered by bill g 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
How about you initiate, and you make sure that it's known that this evening (You) are in-control. Prepare yourself. Do whatever it takes to make you feel sexy, first. Then, when you are ready to get started, make love to him the way that you wish he would with you. Take control from start to finish...and be in control after...if you'd like to cuddle, talk, whatever...this should be done the way you want. Maybe he's one of those dumb guys that just doesn't know what you really want. If he loves you, he should agree to let you have this evening where the two of you are intimate the way you'd like. Think he'll go for it?
2006-08-29 00:02:32 · answer #9 · answered by Kerry 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
One way to re-ignite a spark is to do something completely unexpected, and to continue to do something completely unexpected. Rent a hotel room, take HIM to a dinner somewhere that you've both never been, wear flowers in your hair, change your hair style, do something - ANYTHING - to break the routine. You are both in a "rut" and need to break it. One way to keep most men forever is to surprise them with something new everyday. Send him flowers at work with a sexy picture of yourself, but whatever you do, break the routine. Its time to act as if you are having an affair - but with your husband! Best of luck - hope it works!
2006-08-29 00:02:44 · answer #10 · answered by Paul H 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋