We've been together for several years, on and off, We don't live together and we both work. He makes more money than me and sometimes I could use a little help but feel shy about asking him for it. Is there a good way of asking without sounding needy? . We get along great and he is generous with spending his money when we go out but has never offered to help me. Thanks, in advance, for any advice on this matter.
2006-08-28 21:51:19 · 17 answers · asked by mtoni 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The best thing, I feel, is to just ask. Explain you are having difficulites, and felt coming to him first would be the best thing, that perhaps he could give you ideas, on what to do. I realize it is hard to ask for finances, but you two have been together for a while. Even if you have to work out a payment plan. Perhaps..... Just let him understand you are not putting a burden on him, just asking for help. If he refuses, don't let it cause a problem in your relationship. If he is sincere with your relationship, he shouldn't have a problem. Just don't get upset, if he denys. Maybe just ask if he would help you get a small loan, and say he co-sign, The best thing I think is to ask, I know about shyness, but now at 40, you have to start doing things, to get your self straight. I am about on the same course you are. Live your life, and let the shyness rest. From self experience, shyness has blocked me, and once you come out of it you'll be a much happier person. As long as your friend is a good man. Simply tell him of your financial problem, ask if he can help, or knows what you can do??? I know it's going to be hard, but when you need help, people do not know unless you tell or ask. The worst, answer you wuld get is no. So go ahead.... and explain it, again it won't be easy, but you boyfriends, and husbands are the first ones you think you can rely on. Good Luck.... My heart feels for you as I know what it's like!!
2006-08-28 22:08:15 · answer #1 · answered by dreamer 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been down that road. You'd be better off getting a better job. I hate to break this to you, but if after about a year or two (no more!) and he's not absolutely crazy for you and wanting to get married or make a frim commitment in that direction, drop him. I mean, DROP HIM. He's probably just having fun casually while looking over his shoulder for the "bigger, better deal." Financial help is the very last thing you should be thinking about getting from him. Get busy with other pursuits, particularly other men and he may come running. At any rate, you'll certainly be more attractive to him if you become more independent emotionally.
Financial help is only appropriate after a commitment of marriage. To bring it up now would only look like you're trying to "hook" him in and frankly, he's probably just not that interested. I realize It's very hard to see this from where you are after you've made such a time investment. I wish someone had told me this way back when.
2006-08-29 05:07:41 · answer #2 · answered by Heartlander 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON"T! You made it this long without his money so keep on making it! If you need extra cash get a part-time job or do something on the side to earn it. You will drive a wedge into your relationship or there will be a feeling of ingratiating on his part. The feeling will change and you will be very unhappy because respect will ultimately be effected. Be a big girl and maintain that financial autonomy, you'll thank me in the morning!
2006-08-29 04:59:14 · answer #3 · answered by want2flybye 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get married, that's the only way for you both to settle down and raise a family while you still can do it before it's too late. If you don't fancy the suggestion then get a better-paying job and a new bf who is more generous with his money.
2006-08-29 04:56:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems strange that he hasn't offered to help you already, Maybe hes scared to give you any financial aid, because he sees that as commitment. Finances are hard, and the way you deal with them is ingrained in you. Maybe bring up the fact you struggling a bit? He really should offer, he should want to take care of you. Men who count there finances, count there emotions too.
2006-08-29 05:04:55 · answer #5 · answered by kathycracksit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why do you want him to "help" while you both working and he pays when you go out? you said he is generous that's how i gathered. don't learn to be a parasite. if you have the ability to earn and be independent, don't stand so low as to "men must pay". alternatively, you could quit your job and be a sitting duck and wait for those men to kiss the ground you walk on and pay for their visits. but i gather you need some potential on it. and i am sure you are not lacking by thinking of using your womanhood that way. good luck.
2006-08-29 04:56:16 · answer #6 · answered by Yvette R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You asking wrong! you should ask for job help!
Advice for you! Question aways comes first, then you type a small comment without putting a question at the end of it! You get better results!
2006-08-29 04:54:48 · answer #7 · answered by Jerdy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just open up and talk to him, be straight forward to him, I don't think he will mind too much if you ask him for a loan or something.
And he hasn't offered to help maybe that's because he didn't know you needed help in the first place.
2006-08-29 04:55:04 · answer #8 · answered by devviash 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it...he'll become your ex!
I know someone (38 yrs old) who asked her man to take over some really major debts...house, car, credit cards, etc. He dumped her faster than she could blink. He was actually thinking about marrying her, but after she asked him to do that, he felt that she thought he was a sucker...that she actually thought she could sex him into paying her bills. She still says she doesn't know why he dumped her...he never told her...just asked her to remove her belongings from his home.
My opinion: She was a trick who got tricked!
2006-08-29 05:04:31 · answer #9 · answered by PD GAL 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just communicate the issues you are having ..
Mel (Loving memory of my son, my angel Zachary Aug. 2, 2006)
2006-08-29 04:57:02 · answer #10 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋