*** divorce and move abroad.. effect on children? :(?

Question

hi there,

i've been married for 9 years. we have 2 kids: 7 and 2,5 years old. due to the unhappiness of my husband which resulted in cheating me with the ex-girl friend -from his previous life of marriage-, i decided to get divorced and move back to my home country. my husband will go on working here.

my only concern is about my kids. if we were in the same city, or even the same country with their father, i will do my best to keep the touch in between them. but as moving back, i cannot guarantee that they will see their father as long as they like.

how can i overcome this problem? my son who is 7 years old is a very sensitive child.. my daughter, she is too young to understand what is going on.

as being a child of a divorced couple, i still need advice.. :((

i would be grateful if one of you could give me some hints/personal experience.

thanks in advance.

1) my husband regrets it. he is now unhappy. i know it. but he doesn't ask to be forgiven. or he doesn't ask for a help from counsellors or psycharists. so, shall i insist on getting medical help before getting divorced?
2) to stay here will hurt me a lot. emotionally.. i want to get back where my mother lives now.. but if you believe that to stay here for 1 more year, i could think about it. but what if their father starts a new life with his ex girl friend soon? will not it affect my children and me badly?

Answer 1

I think you should compromise with your ex husband for better future of your kids

Answer 2

Well, lets start this off with saying I am 18 years old.. my mother and father divorced when I was 6. When I was 10 my mother and sisters moved across the country.I was 'diagnosed' with minor depression when I was 12, though I am not going to blame that on my parents divorce it did play some what of a part. Also I missed out on alot of things with my father, I realized this from seeing my friends and their fathers doing things together and such.
Also, some may not agree, but my mom's remarriage has helped with the "father figure" in my life.. Though I still talk to my dad often and see him once or twice a year for a short period of time.

I hope this helps. Take care.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, the kids will suffer a great deal with out their dad , its bad enough with the divorce, but they will probably hardly ever see their dad, if they ever do again at all.. since under those circumstances they will drift so far away from each other emotionally that "out of sight , out of mind" will more then likely set in and ur children will grow up with out a father at all in their lives..more then likely.. although i understand the need for a support system from your own family, i think u should really consider staying in the same country with your x atleast for alittle while longer.. give it a try at making it on ur own with your kids there before ripping them completely away from their dad. Although he is a piece of S**t of a husband for doing what he did to u, the kids shouldnt have to suffer any more then they already are with the divorce itself..they deserve to have a dad that is active in their lives.. they didnt have a choice in any of this, u marrying obviously the wrong man, or their dad not being able to be loyal to his family.. so they shouldnt have to pay the price for mistakes u both made.. I say u give it a year.. let ur x know that if he is not as active of a father that he can possibly be in your kids lives that after a year ur going back home.. but as long as he's being a good dad to your kids that u will stay.. that way when ur children grow up u can say that u did all u could to try and make the divorce work, but he didnt want to be a dad, so u had no choice but to move back home..

im sorry i just read ur additional info.. and all i keep seeing is "I, I , I or Me Me Me." the moment u had your son, ur needs and wants took 2nd in priority to ur children, u need to stop focusing so much on how it will affect u, or what you need, and focus in what your kids feel, and what they need.. and thats having both parents in their lives, being civilized adults, putting their best interests at hand, and giving as much love possible to your kids..

Answer 4

All I can speak is from personal experience.. I am divorced from the father of my first child who will be 9 in October.. When we divorced we lived in the same town. But I got remarried and now I live in a completely different country. My ex husband lives in Fl and I now live in Germany. Needless to say we found ways to keep them connected .. web cam to see daily, we have visitation rights for him during the summer Jared will go there. The biggest advise I can give is to keep communication open with your children.. let them know if they are sad its okay and to talk it out. They can see their father online, they can write letters, speak on the phone but that their father loves them very much. Also I would not move until after all is resolved with the divorce and in addition custody. Plus if you see that your child is still have issues maybe put them into counseling.

Mel (Loving memory of my son, my angel Zachary Aug. 2, 2006)

Answer 5

Maybe you should hold off on moving back to your country. All in all, the end decision is yours, but you have to think about the effect on the kids. They may resent you or start to rebel. It's bad enough that their parents are getting divorced but too throw them into a whole new world on top of it may be a bit too much for them to bear all at once. Maybe wait a year before you go back. So they have some time to get used to the fact that mommy and daddy are no longer together and they still get a chance to see their father and know that he is still there for them regardless.

Answer 6

be careful sending your children overseas to see him. He could get it in his mind to file for custody and call it abandonment. He could do this and you not know about it until it's over. Because you were not there to defend your self in this situation, you loose. So make him come to see the children. He left you when he cheated, so he should make the extra effort to come see them. Also, listen to your son. He may be young, but he's smart. You just took him from his friends in school and took him from his country and home. He is going to be hurt. Now he's in a strange land and probably doesn't even know the language. Think about what you did and really ask yourself is it worth it? Boys are very resilient and he will come out of it. Just keep talking to him.

Answer 7

That a fact, you know? Leaving without a parent, affect a child by becoming nasty, qiuting focus and to alot of bad things!

Advice for you! Question aways comes first, then you type a small comment without putting a question at the end of it! You get better results!

Answer 8

kids aren't stupid at all they know when parents aren't happy together and if you both aren't happy they never will be either but, then that's the risk you take getting married and something you should have thought of before you got married evidently for better or worse means nothing to you.

Answer 9

the results of your moving out will not be good as you will be depriving the children of their father more over you have been through it and you will understand better it is better to reason out with your husband if he responds then its good or otherwise see a psychiatrist both of you so that you family is saved

Answer 10

Kids are the top most priority and there should not be any compromise at the cost of kids.