Happily married or did you settle?

Question

How can you tell if you love is happy or just settling,cause he/she stays at a distance emotionally.

I am not the who has settled ,I've tried every thing I can to make things work ,he has one focus "and that is to make more money "! IT's ruining our marriage and his relation ship with his 4 children .How do I give him a wake up call and get him to focus on family matters instead.He is already suffering from depression and has changed jobs twice in 5years on count of desire to make things better for us financially.Iv'e worked part time jobs since the birth of our second child time and do so because one of our children has a Certified Mental Disability.He uses the the excuse he's doing this for his family but makes it a point not to spend any meaningfull time with us .

Answer 1

Thats a tough one. I have a friend who was hell bent on providing financial security for his family.....For the majority of his married life he worked long hours, and when he wasnt working he was sleeping.. As far as I can see, their relationship did not evolve, and it turned into a very routine life. He had a mining accident and was told he would never walk again. He lost his job and realised him and his wife had nothing in common because their relationship, eg, emotional needs were never nurtured.

Dont let this happen to you. Sit him down and tell him that you NEED more from this relationship. You do love him, or you wouldnt be trying to find a solution to this problem. Maybe you have to take the tough line with him. If he refuses to listen to what you are saying, you might have to put it straight on the line to him. You may have to say "If you are not prepared to nurture our relationship, then I will leave" why stay with a man who is not meeting your emotional needs? You would need a lot more support than a mother who doesnt have a child with a disability. You need a lot of support and if your husband isnt giving it to you, then you need to find support somewhere else.

Flowers need watering or they will die. The same with a relationship, if the emotional needs are not being watered, then you will die inside. You have to decide if you want that to happen. A lot of relationships end up this way, and the other party learns to live with it, but are emotionally cold inside.

You need to seek some professional help for this problem. There are many mentoring programs around that could give you respite from your child with the disability. If you access these kinds of services, then you are getting into the "system", and other resources will be available to you.

Another reason your husband is emotionally distant may be because of your child who has the disability. Men are pretty egotistical creastures and when they have a child with a disability, they tend to feel less of a man. Maybe he doesnt know how to relate to the child. Maybe it is not you, but his inability to accept your child has a disability. Maybe he is embarrassed about that fact. I know of many cases where that is actually the case. Many husbands have left their wives because of this exact reason. I have a hard time accepting that a man can feel that way, but many men do. It is worth thinking about though.

Maybe the only way the real truth will come out if he would agree to go to counselling with you. I wish you all the luck in the world, you do have your hands full and you do need his support.

Answer 2

Never settle. Marriage is hard work. You build your relationship together. You cant read minds. There is allot more to a marriage than just love and I feel men understand that but women don't sometimes. If he is distant emotionally maybe he trying to get that hustle on making money. Flipping it trying to secure a bank roll for his which includes you. Sometimes a man just needs his woman to be there for support. Let him know your there for him. I always like it when my wife and just handles my ****. I'm working long hours and distant emotionally. She comes in and sexs me up from head to toe and then tell s me get some sleep.

Answer 3

I am happily married. My husband is my best friend and I knew even before we were married that I was going to be happy with him. Now 2 1/2 yrs later, it's even better. You will know in time if you just settled if you keep thinking and wondering if you could've done better than the one you're with.

Answer 4

"No success can compensate for failure in the home." You can't make anyone "love you". All you can do is love the one you are with. If you "loved" them enough to get married, there is something there. God didn't put us here to be miserable. He wants us to be happy. If you think you "settled" then you need to find something that makes you happy. Changing spouses isn't going to help, if you are the same person. You can think "If I could have this person or that one, I'd be so happy" you might be at first, but it all boils down to the same, after awhile you get use to them and they are not what you thought. You are the one that is going to have to change. Find a new hairstyle, a new hobby, service, anything to break the rut. Changing spouses just delays changing ones self.

Answer 5

When a couple first marry, they think they are happy.
But after you've been married a couple years, you will know if you settled.
I have been married for 36 years, I settled and I just live with it. But when I know of a girl who becomes engaged, I just ask her "Who is your best friend?" If she answers with any other name than that of her fiance, then she should NOT be marrying him, period.
If your spouse is your best friend, you should be happily married till death do you part. If he's not, you will need that female best friend to help you get thru the divorce.

Answer 6

You need to talk to him. I think that he feels that he is providing for you with money. Let him know what you want. My boyfriend and I were fighting alot because I work 8-5 Monday thru Saturday and I dont have much time with him. When I came hime from work he would go out with his friends. I never spent any time with him, so I talked to him. I told him that I didnt mind when he went out with his friends but then in return he would have to do something with me. So in the past few weeks we have gone out to dinner together, played cards for a couple hours, cooked dinner together on countless occasions, taken walks, and watched movies together. I am so happy that I talked to him. When we were talking he told me "I didnt know you felt this way". So I brought it to his attention.

Answer 7

HAPPILY MARRIED, VERYYYYYY HAPPILY MARRIED TO MY SOUL MATE. We met when we were 19 years old 3 weeks later we moved in together and within 6 months we were married and I honestly couldn't imagine being any happier in my entire life. I admit I got lucky as hell and to have met my Soul Mate and know the moment we met he's the one. Never settle, True love is out there for you.

Answer 8

i think of countless human beings "settle". there isn't any appropriate couple. Love is unlike interior the flicks, it takes artwork. and whether you're married to the main enticing, helpful guy or woman obtainable.. you nevertheless cheat! look on the celebs!

Answer 9

VERY HAPPY, my husband is the best thing that has ever happened to me(besides our children) and I married him only after dating 5 months!! l love him I love him I love him

Answer 10

I am unhappily not married and nor I wish to be happily married with the idiot I'm settle with that I wish I was unsettle with!!!Thank you very much!!!!