How do you best handle a defamatory, false website without legal action which requires proving damages?

Question

The internet allows for anyone to put anything they want out about anyone, even if it's false and defamatory. Flaming and chatroom anger is one thing, but putting up a website that comes up high on the list when people search your name or church group is another. This can adversely affect relationships and other intangibles without legal "damages" which is what's needed if one wants to persue it legally. All invitations to constructively communicate and ameliorate whatever their proble is have been refused. Clearly, they have more to gain by continuing such activity. My theory is their fantasy world allows them to deny reality so they don't have to be conflicted by it. Whatever. My Dad used to say if you lie down with dogs, you come up with fleas, so I really don't want to sink to their level, so I've tried "shining with a brighter light" but most people are not interested in the truth. Gossip is juicier. So how would you handle this? It's gone on for several years & is wearing me out.

Answer 1

It sounds very frustrating.

The insinuation here is that you cannot pursue legal redress and make them stop, right?

One thing I learned as I've gotten older is that there are always different perspectives on the same issue. Sometimes I can see why someone is critical of my viewpoint and acknowledge that (while sometimes they have an axe to grind) they've also partially gotten there "innocently" -- i.e., they actually do disagree and think I'm making a mistake and doing what they think is right.

More importantly (especially for your question), though, is that there will always be people critical of and antagonistic towards you simply because they want to be. There is no way to change these people's minds. And there are people who will "buy into" what they've been saying simply because they want to believe.

I agree with your dad. You don't want to lie down with the dogs.

Since you can't extinguish their flame, can you burn a brighter one of your own? Do you or your group stand for something? Can you actively just promote yourself on your own site, what you believe in, what you stand for? Fight for something positive?

If you need to, you can have a page on your own site addressing any very SERIOUS issues these people are creating for you -- but keep it neutral and simply deal with explaining in general terms why the accusations are false. [If you 'argue' or "justify" too much, with too much detail, it just makes the accusations sound true.]

Not only that, but your tone towards these people will go a long way towards justifying your "rightness." Many of these critical types think they are making compelling arguments, but their attitudes and the way they talk about others makes them sound like complete nutjobs to the average person -- they don't even realize it.

Meanwhile, if you keep your cool, act civil, and promote something positive, that shows character and goes a long way towards disproving the accusations/insinuations.

This is not a fail-safe method, of course, nor does it remove all the stress... but if you cannot control what is being said about you, I think it's your best option left. Live according to what you believe, proactively stand for something positive, and treat others with dignity even when they're not treating you that way.

Answer 2

There is a comedy website called "somethingawful.com." People are always trying to sue them, which they have no right to do. They post the angry emails they get from people, and their hilarious responses. Read them, and then rethink your position:
http://www.somethingawful.com/legal/

My advice is to stop caring about everyone opinions that you don't like. Have friends with the same opinions about things that really matter to you. There is nothing you can do about it.