Is chat rooms and cybersex bad for a marriage?

Question

I've been married for 14 years. We are happy but lately we have too busy for each other, she works days and I work nights. She has erotic books and I have the internet from time to time. I don't drink or smoke and have never touched drugs. Sometimes I just need an outlet besides magazines and movies.Something interactive. Am I wrong to feel guilty?

Answer 1

It depends. For some couples, like my first husband and I, these things were tools that we both used to keep the fires burning. If you can keep the fantasies separate from reality, it's not a problem. The problems often start when people start believing everything they see in movies (like women quickly reaching orgasms without any foreplay, and people always peaking at the same time. Rarely happens, trust me ), or read in books. All of those silly magazine articles come to mind, with titles like "10 Sure ways to blow his mind", or "Make any woman your sex slave in 5 minutes" etc. Keep it real, make sure it's okay with your partner, remember it's not cool to force it on them if they don't feel the same, even if you do think they're just being prudish. Also, I would ask yourself, are you doing it to enhance the relationship you already have, or are you looking for new prospects? Then ask yourself how you would feel about your answer if you were in your wife's shoes. It's not wrong or right, it's all personal. Good luck!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

There's moral idealism and there's physical reality check. It's understandable when you get confused, specially when reality of your life is loneliness for your spouse and the desire for intimacy. As far as your question is concerned - literally, it is a red button for a slow, subtle destruction of marriage. You entertain yourself while your spouse is unavailable, next thing you know, you've drifted so far apart.
I'm saying this because I witnessed a literal experience. A friend of ours was having some fun in the beach. His wife and baby were shading themselves by the shoreline. Our friend floated the waters in his surf board - next thing you know, the lifeguard sounded the alarm. Our friend was taken far away from the waterline... and he didn't know. The second is my bestfriend's experience. He's married to his best friend. He was very busy earning a living - his wife was a 9-5 girl, and left alone `til the wee hours of midnight daily, 6 days a week. The girl eventually entertained herself with internet stuff - then began her own night life, curfew `til 9pm, then became 10, then 11, then 12 - eventually, left a note to say good-bye - within three years after the doldrums.
If I were you, I'd concentrate on surprises - tiny, or small ones, like a short love note or a single stem of flowers you plucked from your flower pot, or a good cup of morning cofee before she leaves. I know it's lonely. But you need to keep your faith in yourself. Do your best to be in control. If you really can't stand the urge, then maybe you can just whisk your wife away, like the first time you touched her.

Answer 4

Letting you know that cybersex is adultery so you better stay away from those chat rooms. It will destory your marriage and along with your soul.Well you should feel guilty , it is your conscience telling you that you are doing wrong here. Like they said , there is no pillow so soft as a CLEAR conscience. STOP GOING INTO CHAT ROOMS & CYBERSEX AND NEVER EVER DO THAT AGAIN !!!! THAT IS TRULY REPENTING FROM IT. Work on your ordained marriage God gave you to have in the first place.

Answer 5

If you have cybersex on the net with another woman you are cheating. There is no way around that. Yes you should feel guilty enough not to do it again. It also shows little respect for your wife too. Think of it in this manner,. Your wife is at work, hard at work . Instead of doing something around the home to help her out some, you are having cybersex with someone you have never met.
I maybe old fashioned but in my book that shows little to no respect for her or yourself.

Answer 6

Magazines are just books, chat rooms and cybersex are real people. I believe that you feel guilty because you know the difference. While it is hard to spend so much time apart, you need to talk to your wife about this and find a time, no matter how small and make it quality.

Answer 7

Yes you should feel bad, make time for each other. go do something fun that you both enjoy. i know there is something because you have been married for 14 years. Talk to her see how she feel. The way a marriage work is to have the communication.

Answer 8

You don't drink, smoke or do drugs, that's great ....but some
things can be far more hazardous.....
If you're not doing anything wrong.....why do you feel guilty ???

I agree with " BOTH " Amy S and Blue Eyed on this one....
"get offline" and discuss it with your wife......make the time....
you've been married 14 years....don't throw that away !

Answer 9

Don't feel guilty but you must make time for each other although it seems impossible. You will grow apart then you will only be left with the chat room and there is nothing like the real thing!

Answer 10

Yes, you should feel guilty. Because you're involving another person. Even if they're on the other side of a keyboard, it's still another person. Now, go clean your keyboard and heart.