What does it mean if my ex-wife calls every now and then?

Question

Two years ago, my ex-wife left me for another man while I was in Iraq. She had a kid with the idiot but has never remarried. She still calls every now and then and I just want to know why?

She insists that she regrets what happened but that she has to make do with what she has. She still makes comments on how she misses "this and that" about me. Yet, when i try to tell her that I still love her, she gets cold on me and then she doesn't call for a long time.

I don't want to hurt anymore so I am just trying to be cordial and I don't want to get personal. Guess I am just trying to be distant so she doesn't hurt me anymore. The truth is that I still love her with all my heart and I can't just NOT talk to her. My heart races when she calls and I hear her voice. But I just don't want her to hurt me again.

I just can't... and won't cut her loose.

Do I continue to keep the lines of communication open, or what?

Answer 1

Dude, I am going through the exact same thing.

My wife left me and we got divorced a little over a year ago. Although she hasn't had a kid, she got involved with a much older man that has a couple of older kids.

Just like your situation, my exwife calls me often. However, I never call her, and, like you, I was the one that was destroyed. My exwife has told me how much she loves me and always will, etc. Heck, just last week my exwife called me to tell me she had been dreaming about me.

Like you, I still love my exwife and probably always will. I, too, don't want to hurt anymore; I am cordial; I am as distant as I can be; I don't talk about anything personal; I know I am much better when I go without talking to her, but, like you, I appreciate the fact that she still cares enough to call.

Even though she calls me and talks to me about her feelings towards me, what she misses, etc., whenever I follow up her comments with similar ones of my own, just like your situation, my exwife turns cold too. Although it does not slow down her calling and I have never really expressed my true feelings, it is completely obvious that she wants nothing to do with my feelings even though she feels completely comfortable expressing hers.

I think the best thing for both of us is to cut off all talk with the ex's. Heck, the only time my ex and I have fought since she left was whenever I told her that I think it would be best that she didn't call for a long time so that didnt really work. However, I know that I am better off whenever I dont talk to her for a while. Unfortunately, my exwife still calls me once a week or so.

Stay up playa! Just know that you arent the only one!

Answer 2

This woman is only communicating with you because she feels insecure. You know it, you just don't want to admit it.

I am assuming that you do not have a child with this woman.
If you did have a child with her then of course you should communicate and even get back together if you can.

If you don't have a child with her then you need to realise that you are in a very unhealthy relationship. The best thing you can do is to cut her completely out of your life. It will be painful at first but then you will gradually get over it and eventually find another woman.

If you really love her - then let her go.

You say you can't and won't cut her loose but you are creating a life of misery for yourself.

If you do get back together with her chances are very high that she will leave you again. Only next time she might leave you and take a child of yours with her.

I know it is not what you want to hear but life is hard sometimes.

You have been to war.
You have to cut her out completely.
Greive.
Get a new life.
Find a new woman.
Start again.

It's a plan.
There will be costs.
It is the right thing to do and in the end it will be better for everyone.

Answer 3

Now that she regrets, but does she really mean it? You poor guy. Let her continue to regret what she lost. You had been good to her and you were out serving our country. Her calling you is something that she will do to try see if you will fall for her advances. She will try to manipulate her way back into your arms and may end up hurting you again. If you were to have a woman right now and a strong relationship, the woman you with will not tolerate her advances towards you and then she will be totally jelious and very envious.. Why? Because she lost a good thing. If you are ready and willing to sever the past with her you would not continue to entertain the thought of her. Yes, you love her but are you In Love with her? there is a difference. You can remain as friends and have a very good understanding with each other but a relationship slash remarriage? Think about it.. Would you really be happy with her again and then begin to worry if she will be faithful? Yes you can keep communication, communication is important. You have to look in your heart, sweety. You need to make the good judgment.

Ranger Bob, I am a wife of a military man and have been with him over 20 years. He is fixing to be sent to Iraq. He is in training right now. I miss him and I love him enough to wait for him. I would not do anything to sever our relationship and our marriage. I am forever his and his only.

I pray that you will get through this and that God will guide you to what you need to do to be happy.

Hoooah!!

Answer 4

See how it goes. Its understandable that you're both having regrets about a previous decision but you have to be firm with yourself. As long as this situation is going on, you're not going be to able to develop any new relationships and move on with your life. And if you don't want to get into any new relationships, you should work hard at this one. But you can't just be her emotional cushion for when she finds her current situation tough. You have to be firm and yet ready to be vulnerable. Tell her that you still have strong feelings for her, tell her that you want to give your relationship another go but she has to make up her mind too. If she really is unhappy in her present relationship, tell her that you will support her leaving her current man and ask her to come back to you. You know that she's broken your trust once and that will take time to rebuild but if you can start your marital life once more with her again, you have to keep in mind that she might cheat on you or she might not. Keep the lines of communication open but only if she's willing to take you seriously. Otherwise you're just her emotional cushion for when she's feeling down and that's not fair on you.

Answer 5

If she says -she's making do with what she has- it sounds like she's not happy with her choices and is gradually checking to see if your still available to her. Hearing you tell her you love her satisfies her need and she'll call again when she's feeling low. Sounds like you need to distance yourself even if u do still love her. She hurt you once who's to say she won't do the same again and in the end she would be putting her boyfriend through the hurt she already put you through. Especially with a child involved. That's my female point of view. Hope it helps. Go search for that new love that makes your heart race, chances are she's out there.

Answer 6

She may just miss you and want to vent. Or she's just a b*** and wants to mess with you as much as she can.
If you cannot take talking to her and it does not help you move past the past relationship...you cannot continue to talk to her. You are just hurting yourself.
Tell her that you love her and she cannot continue to call you. That she left and cannot have both lives. She made the decision to have a child with another man. That's a deal breaker in my book. Let her go. And do it for your own mental health.

Answer 7

WoW! It's sounds like you are still in love with her. I think if in the back of your mind you still want her or you have expectation then you should keep the lines open. Who knows maybe you guys can get over the past and one day get back together. Just keep protecting your heart until you are sure she wants the same thing.

Answer 8

If you don't have a child with her then either move on or fight for her.

But this limbo state that you're in makes it hard for everyone.

Sadly, many many men in the military lose their sig. other when they go over to fight a war. It's a common phenomanon, that shows the true nature of women.

Stay strong brother. Theres a few good women out there. Sounds like this one aint!

Answer 9

either your with someone or your not your X is feeling guilty and wants you to make her feel better. people make mistakes its human but if she really loved you she would not have done you that way. get out there and get busy living your life someone will come along that really loves and appreciates you don't settle for less. do yourself a favor and screen your calls or better yet change your # why would you want to hang on to hurtful baggage life is too short man!

Answer 10

I feel for you. I would probably let her go from my heart because she does not properly respond to you when you tell her that you love her. Just let her loose. Don't let her hurt you by keeping her close to your heart. Let her go and be free...